Six things to avoid on a first date

20 Mar

Six things to avoid on a first date

that have happened to me on a first date…all within the last 6 years)

1. Try not to fall and cut your knee/leg/ankle. If you do, try not to cry. If you cry…avoid allowing your date to dress your wounds (but hey, if you’re horny, this is a great, easy way to let a guy in your pants).

2. Don’t laugh hard at his jokes and say something like, “Oh my god, that’s hilarious, I love you!” because you will spend the next 5 minutes in silence or awkwardly trying to explain what you meant.

3. If you’re out and you see the person who waxes you, avoid drunkenly calling her over and announcing, “She has seen my vagina!”

4. Avoid nose bleeds. Or, if you’re trying to get out of the date, don’t avoid nose bleeds.

5. Don’t talk to anyone who in the past has given you an embarrassing nickname. Your date may start calling you that nickname (“Moose” or “Wee Wee” are 2 examples).

6. Avoid tucking your dress into your panties. You should avoid this on all dates and at all times. I suggest that you look in the mirror AND check for a draft before you leave the ladies’ room. This should be easy enough.

Actually, while on the topic, here are the things you should be doing in the bathroom (in a timely manner):

  1. Pee quickly–you’re holding up the line. Do not pee on the seat. If you pee on the seat, be classy and wipe it off.
  2. Flush.
  3. Wash hands with soap.
  4. Check your teeth for the dreaded pepper tooth (a spice stuck somewhere near that lateral incisor).
  5. Check hair.
  6. Check cleavage.
  7. Gloss up those lips. Do not get gloss on teeth.
  8. Check that dress is not tucked into underwear.
  9. Smile and pose. As always, you are the loveliest lady up in that place.
  10. Grand exit.

12 Responses to “Six things to avoid on a first date”

  1. Kyle March 20, 2012 at 11:04 am #

    at last, now i know where i’ve been going wrong – thanks.

    Like

  2. Charlotte B. March 20, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    Great post! :)

    Like

  3. crubin March 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    Sadly, my husband has to go home with me even if I have a bloody nose, pepper spices in my teeth, dressed tucked into my skivvies, or toilet paper hanging from my shoe. See, there are some benefits to marriage. :)

    Like

    • La La March 20, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

      You’re a lucky lady, lucky lady indeed.

      Like

  4. bowzerscastle March 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    hahahaha! number 3 is most important i think. and as someone who pees a lot, i agree with that list of bathroom etiquette.

    Like

  5. jeandayfriday March 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

    The dreaded pepper in the teeth. I hate that so much! I would say many of your suggestions for what to do in the restroom work for other situations as well as dates. I have tucked my dress into my tights before and walked gracefully into the main hallway where many teenagers were migrating. Thank goodness they all graduated! :)

    Like

  6. Kourtney Heintz March 20, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    I love this. :) #1&2 are my favorites. :)

    Like

  7. Pigeon Heart March 21, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

    Hilar. Love # 2. Or- well- I really like it and think it’s funny (;

    Like

  8. becca3416 April 3, 2012 at 10:26 am #

    Gotta love first dates and the awkwardness that ensues! I think your blog is flipping funny, so I nominated you for the Liebster award. Check it out on my post today at http://25andfly.wordpress.com. Cheers!

    Like

  9. Bird April 4, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    Loved it!

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Six things to avoid on a first date « kylemew.com - March 20, 2012

    [...] This was inspired by something I read on the wonderful Tales of a Charm City Chick. [...]

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