On writing.

4 Apr

Whether or not I ask for it, my 57-year-old scientist boss likes to give me advice. Here is a conversation we had about writing.

Boss: So, you want to be a writer?

Me: Yep.

Boss: You know what you have to do now, right?

Me: Write?

Boss: You have to write erotica.

Me: I was thinking about going with humor, like funny short stories or something.

Boss: Make them sexy short stories. Sex sells.

Me: You’re a scientist, what do you know?

Boss: I wrote two erotic novels–introduce the virgin, virgin meets the guy, deflowering of the virgin, virgin faces crossroads and so on.

Me: What was your nom de plume, then?

Boss: I didn’t have one. I sold them to a publishing company.

Me: Right.

Boss: I can give you the guidelines, you have to use certain words for body parts and stuff.

Me: Gross, no thanks, I think your sexy story advice would give me writer’s block for an eternity.

Boss: All a part of my plan to keep you here, editing my boring scientific papers.

Me: Get out.

24 Responses to “On writing.”

  1. Bird April 4, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

    I laughed and laughed!! Good post!


    • La La April 4, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

      Haha thanks! If only it wasn’t true…


      • Bird April 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm #

        I know what you mean!!


  2. whatidesiredtosay1 April 4, 2012 at 11:18 pm #

    Lol. Helpful boss.


  3. Kyle April 5, 2012 at 5:44 am #

    Reblogged this on kylemew.com.


  4. Pete Armetta April 5, 2012 at 6:06 am #

    Yeh get the hell out, get your FACE outta my space! Number one is these people talk to you about your writing and have no idea what the hell they’re saying. (I love your one word response to his unsolicited advice: “Write?” Number two is the Erotica. I don’t want to disparage the genre, I know people who write it and I’ve read some and OKAY, but if I’m not writing it now then I won’t be writing it.

    (Don’t get me started).

    This sounded like a real life conversation City Chick :) (and got me a little mad! haha).


    • La La April 5, 2012 at 11:17 am #

      Oh it was real, don’t you worry. I could probably write some wicked hot erotica and you probably could, too (though I strongly suggest you stick with poems and short stories that are not erotica because that seems to be working for you). ;-)


      • Pete Armetta April 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

        Yeh I’ve written two “erotica” pieces and I liked writing it, just doesn’t come naturally to me. A couple of short stories. I think you’ve inspired me to post one. :)


  5. talesfromthelou April 5, 2012 at 7:23 am #

    Good stuff.
    I see you like music. Come and check us out: https://jobblog2011.wordpress.com/


    • La La April 5, 2012 at 11:23 am #

      Are there people who can hear who don’t like music? They must be weird and boring.


      • Mike is Happy April 5, 2012 at 11:26 am #



  6. I'm taking a nap April 5, 2012 at 8:30 am #

    Sounds like the conversation I had with my DH. Men can be so silly.


  7. becca3416 April 5, 2012 at 9:35 am #

    My boss loves to give me advice like this. It is always borderline inappropriate and then he tells me I can never leave. Glad I am not the only one.


    • La La April 5, 2012 at 11:11 am #

      Poor girl. Glad I am not the only one, too!


  8. Dee Dee April 5, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    I have no words for your boss other than gross….


    • La La April 5, 2012 at 11:24 am #

      Thanks double d, you speak truth.


  9. crubin April 5, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    Can’t say I ever had a conversation like that with my boss. Did you need a shower afterwards?…


  10. RFL April 5, 2012 at 1:53 pm #

    Haha, this is crazy! I’d like to find a template for erotica and write a piece like a mad lib…using random cartoon and Star Wars references for body parts.


  11. My Inner Chick April 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    –Just read your interview on Lafemmeroar’s blog.

    You are freaking hilareous.
    Thanks for the giggle.

    Just sayin’ … I sort of dig ya. <3


  12. Kourtney Heintz April 5, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

    This has to go into one of your stories! Fantastic dialogue. I so pictured the entire scene unfolding in my head. :)



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