Stuff I did on Ambien

3 May

College made me so stressed that they had to put me on Ambien so I could sleep at night. Doctors should prescribe “drinking too much” for sleep issues because I swear to you that Ambien gave me the same side effects as a bottle of wine (or 2). You have probably seen the commercials and heard a list of the precautions/complex behavior warnings.

 

Ambien may prompt:

Sleep-driving. Check. I drove to my parents house in the middle of the night with no memory of it.

Visual hallucinations. Check. I asked my roommate Kelli where she got her parrot and why she was dressed like a pirate.

Sleepwalking. Check.  I visited friends down the hall and had full conversations. The next day I would have to ask if it was a dream or real life.

Sleep-eating. Check. I walked into someone’s dorm room in the middle of the night and took her skittles with no memory of it. I woke up in bed with skittles all over me the next morning.

Sleep-sexy time. Check. Okay, not Check. If you and your partner take Ambien before sex, chances are you will both take off your clothes, start the sexy oral times and just pass out. If you do get through it, you may not even remember it. That’s not fun. My opinion is that it wouldn’t make things hotter, although you may remember that  Tiger Woods was a fan.

Are there other precautions that the commercial doesn’t mention? You bet:

Sleep-dancing. Ambien and the internet worked together to teach me the Carmen Electra booty shake and the Carlton dance (I’m proud to say that I’m still a pro at both):
 

 
Sleep-mooning. My butt was well-known on my college campus, but only because I mooned people after taking Ambien. I came back from Christmas break to a picture of my butt taped to our dorm room door. One time, I fell in the snow whilst mooning and as you can imagine, it gave a whole new meaning to “freezing my ass off.”

Sleep-writing in my journal: Written journal entries trailed slowly down the page into illegible squiggles.

Lastly, my greatest achievement while on Ambien…sleep-shopping. The little (big) gem below is my favorite sleep-shopping purchase. It is a life-size cardboard cutout of the hobbits from Lord of the Rings that was delivered one fine afternoon to my parents’ house while I was away at school. My dad called with a number of questions, but I had no recollection of buying it. I still have these guys because, I mean, it’s pretty funny. I could have purchased anything that the internet offers, but I went with life-size hobbits. Maybe Ambien just wanted to release and please my inner geek?

 

47 Responses to “Stuff I did on Ambien”

  1. ladymiryaa May 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

    I can so relate to all of these! My friend Ambien also convinced me to sleep walk my dog, make random phone calls to people that I don’t remember (I am sure the conversation was better than drunk dialing), and make random weird scrap book pages…..huh.

    On a side note….My Bubby is also a pro at the Carlton dance and it makes me giggle to see a 6ft 3in guy doing it!

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm #

      See, I like to hear about other people doing sleep-weird things on Ambien. Thanks for the idea! I would love to see a 6’3 guy doing the Carlton dance. If you ever catch that on camera, you know where to find me.

      Like

      • ladymiryaa May 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

        I might have a still shot of his pony tail flinging wildly as he did it for me at Comic Con last year in his Capt. Mal costume….oh wait…did my geekiness just come through as well? Glad I could inspire you for a topic!

        Like

  2. Kyle May 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    sleep mooning? i knew i recognised you from somewhere

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

      Hahaha, at least smartphones were only just becoming popular. My butt would be all over the place.

      Like

      • Kyle May 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

        oh, but it was. did you never check out the faculty notice-board?

        Like

        • La La May 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm #

          Oh lord. Well, at least it’s a decent looking arse.

          Like

  3. Maggie O'C May 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    Of course, I was just having a conversation about Ambien behavior. A friend of mine woke up in the morning with her face in a pizza box in the fort she had built. I’m not going to mess with Ambien. There was no Ambien when I was in college but I did drink my face off and wound up with shingles.

    You kill me. Did you buy a hobbit or just the cape?

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

      Hahaha you wound up with shingles. Amazing. I never made a fort, she must have been on a roll that night. You go ahead and let her know that she isn’t alone!

      Also… I purchased the life-size cardboard cutout of all 4 hobbits. Yes, I still have it.

      Like

      • Maggie O'C May 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

        Ohhh man, you are freakin’ hilarious. Are you still a Fambien? That’s a fan of Ambien, good god I’m clever.

        Like

        • La La May 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

          Hells no. If I can’t sleep I rely on Benadryl and it knocks me right out without a single purchase :-)

          Like

  4. Pigeon Heart May 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

    haha a black eye. zoinks.

    Like

  5. crubin May 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    I’m surprised you haven’t lost a limb, or at the very least, a digit, from all of these scary Ambien moments. It’s really not good when you can’t remember driving…

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

      True dat. It’s an actual problem that they list. No one should be on such a thing.

      Like

  6. jeandayfriday May 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    Too funny! On-line shopping while on Ambien – you are lucky you didn’t get any other interesting purchases! I think I may need to stay far, far away from Ambien. ;)

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

      I tried to bid on a statue. I didn’t get it, thankfully! Yes, stay away.

      Like

      • jeandayfriday May 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm #

        I am afraid I would buy a life-size replica of R2D2 or something like that! I will stay far, far away.

        Like

  7. Bird May 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    lol…I take Ambien too. I’ve done all sorts of crazy stuff on it. I even started a whole other blog when I was on it and started a bunch of arguments on people’s sites just being a complete asshole….This one makes me laugh!!

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

      Oh my god, that’s nuts! Thank you for sharing.

      Like

      • Bird May 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

        I call my Ambien-antics acts of my Alter-ego. Everything I would never normally do, I’ve done to some degree on that stuff!!

        Like

  8. chrisdevoss May 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    I know what to blame stuff on now…Ambien! Why do you kill the neighbor’s cat? Ambien! Why did you streak through the quad? Ambien! Why do you eat all the ice cream? Because it was there! And Ambien!

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

      Ha, aww, you and Tiger Woods–best pals.

      Like

  9. RFL May 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    “I woke up in bed with skittles all over me.” hilarious! All of these are so funny! I’ve never taken it, but I do sleep walk when I drink too much. It’s not good.

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm #

      Thank you. :-) I could swear it’s the same thing but in pill form and I’m happy not to be on it anymore. Hopefully you never have sleeping troubles, my friend.

      Like

      • RFL May 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

        I do have sleep problems, but I use Benadryl too. But my dreams are never as funny on that either!

        Like

  10. Lori DiNardi May 3, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    Sounds like something a little stronger than a glass of wine or too. ;-) At least from what I can remember from my drinking days … and I have some years on you so it’s been a while. I’ve heard of these symptoms before, but my husband takes Ambien and it doesn’t happen to him. However, the house could burn down when he takes it and he’d never wake up.

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm #

      I meant bottle of wine, haha. It does what it’s supposed to for him, then.

      Like

      • Lori DiNardi May 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm #

        A glass of wine or too … I mean two. Rolling my eyeballs at myself. Yes, a bottle of wine sounds more like it. Ever wonder what else you might’ve done that you don’t remember? ;-)

        Like

        • La La May 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

          All the time, Lori, all the time.

          Like

  11. Sword-chinned bitch May 3, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    Almost choked laughing watching “the Carlton dance!”

    Like

    • La La May 3, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      If you’re ever having a bad day you should watch and just laugh. It works EVERY time.

      Like

  12. Kourtney Heintz May 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm #

    La La, I’ve sleep walked and talked all my life sans Ambien. One time I attacked my mother with paper towels and Windex demanding to clean her room at 3 am. It was pretty funny given that I’m the anti-cleaner. I love your online shopping purchases. :)

    Like

  13. mj monaghan May 5, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

    Funny post. Found you via my friend http://kourtneyheintz.wordpress.com/.

    Love the life-sized cutouts. Would totally work with ANY decor!

    I haven’t “done” Ambien, but did have a bit, okay, most of a bowl, of cereal go down my front side after popping a couple of xanax AND a couple of glasses of wine. Your welcome flying anxiety!

    Where’s your “Cool Dudes” list of blogs? Ask Kourtney, I should be on it. Okay maybe that’s an overstatement. hehehe

    Like

  14. kdaze10 May 8, 2012 at 12:37 am #

    LOL! My ex had an ambien Rx…and a couple of times I’d take one after drinking…it’s such a crazy ‘out-of-body’ experience….I remember looking up at him while we were having sex, and believing that it was his dad…haha…and I always thought there were people in the room that weren’t really there….who I would have conversations with…the craziest part is remembering it all the next day….

    Like

    • La La May 8, 2012 at 8:38 am #

      There we go! Someone gets it for real! haha. At the same time I am pleased that happened to you, I am also glad to see you too are alive after the Ambien sex haze. We could have ended up anywhere and it wouldn’t have been a surprise.

      Like

  15. The Hook May 8, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    Hilarious!

    Like

    • La La May 8, 2012 at 10:01 am #

      Just telling it like it is. Thanks!

      Like

  16. Rebecca March 30, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    Hi Lauren, my name is Rebecca and I work on Katie Couric’s daytime talk show–Katie! Please email me back, I would love to chat with you more about this post.

    Like

  17. JWo March 30, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

    I wanted my doctor to put me on Ambien for all of the “added benefits” but she wouldn’t do it. Instead she prescribed a low dose of Trazodone that helped me sleep deeper and boy does it work. When I was taking it I was out like a light…

    If someone contacted me in the middle of the night I’d wake up in a fog and would say things that didn’t make sense. On the other other I did start actually having dreams again AND slept really good. ;)

    Like

  18. twindaddy April 7, 2013 at 9:57 pm #

    So THAT’S how you ended up with the hobbits.

    Like

  19. Andrew May 2, 2013 at 9:59 am #

    Sleep eating! Haha so good! And skittles could not be a better choice. I could see myself eating rice crispey treats in my sleep too.

    Like

  20. BrainRants May 2, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

    Funny – or not – this sounds a lot like extreme sleep deprivation…

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Color Me Creeped Out « - July 12, 2012

    [...] I would spray that ‘stache with mace and run away. Also, unless you’re going to be giving me Ambien, I don’t think it’s possible for us to “do it ’til we both wake up.” [...]

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