College made me so stressed that they had to put me on Ambien so I could sleep at night. Doctors should prescribe “drinking too much” for sleep issues because I swear to you that Ambien gave me the same side effects as a bottle of wine (or 2). You have probably seen the commercials and heard a list of the precautions/complex behavior warnings.
Ambien may prompt:
Sleep-driving. Check. I drove to my parents house in the middle of the night with no memory of it.
Visual hallucinations. Check. I asked my roommate Kelli where she got her parrot and why she was dressed like a pirate.
Sleepwalking. Check. I visited friends down the hall and had full conversations. The next day I would have to ask if it was a dream or real life.
Sleep-eating. Check. I walked into someone’s dorm room in the middle of the night and took her skittles with no memory of it. I woke up in bed with skittles all over me the next morning.
Sleep-sexy time. Check. Okay, not Check. If you and your partner take Ambien before sex, chances are you will both take off your clothes, start the sexy oral times and just pass out. If you do get through it, you may not even remember it. That’s not fun. My opinion is that it wouldn’t make things hotter, although you may remember that Tiger Woods was a fan.
Are there other precautions that the commercial doesn’t mention? You bet:
Sleep-dancing. Ambien and the internet worked together to teach me the Carmen Electra booty shake and the Carlton dance (I’m proud to say that I’m still a pro at both):
Sleep-mooning. My butt was well-known on my college campus, but only because I mooned people after taking Ambien. I came back from Christmas break to a picture of my butt taped to our dorm room door. One time, I fell in the snow whilst mooning and as you can imagine, it gave a whole new meaning to “freezing my ass off.”
Sleep-writing in my journal: Written journal entries trailed slowly down the page into illegible squiggles.
Lastly, my greatest achievement while on Ambien…sleep-shopping. The little (big) gem below is my favorite sleep-shopping purchase. It is a life-size cardboard cutout of the hobbits from Lord of the Rings that was delivered one fine afternoon to my parents’ house while I was away at school. My dad called with a number of questions, but I had no recollection of buying it. I still have these guys because, I mean, it’s pretty funny. I could have purchased anything that the internet offers, but I went with life-size hobbits. Maybe Ambien just wanted to release and please my inner geek?