Joys of Owning a Townhouse

1 Jun

 

Despite my strange Baltimore neighborhood, I love my unique 1940s house and I’m glad I bought it. My favorite room is the retro basement with wood paneling and shuffleboard vinyl tiles.

The best part about the house is that I don’t hear anything through the walls from my neighbors because there is an old married couple living on each side.

I have always assumed that in return, they hear nothing that I do. I didn’t know if that was true until today. When I woke this morning, I sneezed and my next door neighbor said “bless you” so I felt inclined to reply with “thank you” and he took it to the next level with a “you’re welcome.” I sat there for a moment, wide-eyed, jaw on the floor, wondering what else they’ve heard.

These things include, but are definitely not limited to:

  • Intense singing
  • Loud drunk talking
  • Beer tears
  • Pep talks I give to myself in the mirror
  • Weird Skype  sessions
  • Theme songs I make up for myself
  • The cusses I yell at insects that have invaded my personal space
  • Dirty talk
  • Blog posts being read aloud before I click ‘publish’
  • Evenings spent practicing different types of laughter. I dabble, but my favorites are sexy laugh, cute giggle, guffaw, evil laugh, stupid blonde girl laugh,  Muttley from Wacky Races, Beavis and Butthead, and that bashful buzzard from Loony Toons:
 
My friends, I shall remain forever horrified. Have a good weekend.

 

31 Responses to “Joys of Owning a Townhouse”

  1. crubin June 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    Ha ha! Us “old married couples” everywhere are getting our revenge. But think of how much excitement you provide them. They’ve probably had to install defibrillators in their homes. You know, just for those times your antics accidentally stop their tickers.

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

      Oh my god hahaha, I will just whisper from now on.

      Like

  2. Titillating Thoughts June 1, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

    I have that problem too. Except it is all in house. I can hear my roommates and they can hear me from every part of the house, behind closed doors or not quite easily. It is the one thing I heavily despise about this house. I never knew how important sound privacy is.

    On a side note, I wouldn’t mind living next to you. Seems as if you could be quite entertaining. lol

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

      Well, titillating thoughts, I thank you for stopping by. I hope they use the word “entertaining” when describing me instead of “crazy person.”

      Like

  3. bowzerscastle June 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm #

    you forgot singing/talking to your dog

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

      I pretty much talk to him as though he is my best girlfriend. No wonder he still pees like a girl.

      Like

  4. Simon June 1, 2012 at 1:12 pm #

    so now you will start turning the sink on every time you use the bathroom, and try not to look them in the eye when in passing?

    Like

  5. Christopher De Voss June 1, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    Start tacking Styrofoam to the walls!

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm #

      That will add a nice “summer 2012″ touch.

      Like

      • Carolina Courtland June 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm #

        Or you could get those big black goemetric shaped foamie things. My husband actually GLUED those to the wall in our home theater, in an attempt to make the accoustics better.

        I screamed and screamed until they were removed. You can still see traces of the glue marks in just the right light.

        This is what you have to look forward to.

        Like

  6. Madame Weebles June 1, 2012 at 1:53 pm #

    You need to start charging them an entertainment fee. Also, that little buzzard is one of my all-time favorite cartoon characters!!!

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 7:11 pm #

      Yeeess! I laugh when he laughs EVERY time.

      Like

  7. Lori DiNardi June 1, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    Oh my Lord, anything but really loud singing. Heh. That must’ve been a shock to hear them say ‘bless you.’ Sounds like your bathroom faucet will be getting a workout.

    Like

  8. becca3416 June 1, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    Hahaha! Shit, why did you remind me. I pretty much KNOW my neighbors can hear me, being that I live in an apartment, and well… I can hear them. I just try to be oblivious to the fact. I most definitely do 75 percent of the things on your list. Plus I speak to my cat in these epicly loud purrs. And I wondered why most of my neighbors avoid me!

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      Hahahaha I am truly happy to hear this. Porter gets a high pitched voice. I hope I will eventually forget that they can hear!

      Like

  9. Frivolous Monsters June 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    Entertaining as always! I like how you made a list. I could envisage that cut-away montage in the film of your life.

    I get accused of making lists a lot generally.

    FM

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      Thank you :-) Lists….good for the soul.

      Like

  10. Sword-chinned bitch June 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    Very freakin’ funny! I like the things you wonder if they’re hearing — tee hee!

    Like

  11. diirrty June 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    i just want to hear your muttley laugh now…

    Like

  12. Elliot June 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    You forgot to add to the list:
    – complaining about the neighbours and their “old people smell”.
    – Telling yourself “It is a damn fine ass” (and now you can wait for a reply).
    – Saying out loud “If only Tom Jones was 20 years younger”

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

      hahaha ::bursts into a Tom Jones song mix::

      Like

  13. unfetteredbs June 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm #

    ahh come on just go with it… great post and keep entertaining your neighbors.

    Like

  14. Kathy V. June 1, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    I live in a townhouse too, but I am part of an old married couple. My neighbors are always amazed that they can’t hear the baby cry, but I think it’s because they’re a little deaf from all their loud music. Whatever. If they were so concerned about living somewhere quiet, your neighbors would have moved out to Bumblefuck, MD (or Towson) long ago.

    Like

  15. Bumba June 2, 2012 at 1:33 am #

    Cute blog. Was the (No Title) tag on the Townhouse intentional?

    Like

  16. Kourtney Heintz June 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

    Sounds like you provided hours of entertainment for them. You’ve probably help their marriage–instead of fighting over where to put things, they gossip over what you’ve done that day. :)

    Like

  17. ladymiryaa June 17, 2012 at 11:05 pm #

    Just make sure you turn down the volume when you watch midget porn. I won’t go there….

    Like

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