Miami’s bars close at 5 am, making everything that happens there feel like a drunken time warp. Let’s flash back to last Tuesday, shall we?
My friend Karolina and I went out at 11 pm and had drinks with her boyfriend Mike and their friends. There, I met a gorgeous 22-year-old model who told me about all the crazy places he has woken up and asked if I wanted to wake up somewhere crazy (I said no…we all know it would have been a dungeon in some creepy basement somewhere).
What felt like 30 minutes but was 3 hours later, Karolina and I ended up in a club on hip-hop night where we watched a dorky white guy in a business suit try to get freaky whilst sandwiched between two women. He was wearing business socks and loafers.
Upon seeing this, I promptly declared that there was no way I was going to dance. Just as I said it, mine eyes were graced with the presence of a beautiful man named Omar who had descended from the heavens above (known to most as “Jamaica”) and into the fire of my loins–and do you know what he wanted to do? Me. We danced instead…and I swooned every time he said anything. Has anyone with a smooth accent ever complimented you? Wow, I am not used to such things and I could not form a full sentence–cue the butterflies and that just-had-my-first-kiss feeling.
Karolina and I then got our Catholic school girl grind on (parents, side note, don’t send your daughter to a Catholic school for girls and expect them not to kiss each other, drink vodka at 16 and/or grind when they dance).
What felt like 20 minutes but was 2 hours later, Omar asked where my friend went. I looked around and went downstairs to the men’s bathroom, where I found her talking to a guy named Ryno, who had just given her weed.
Suddenly, it was 5:15 in the morning and we were walking down the street stoned with e-cigarettes (I don’t smoke real cigarettes or the e-cigarette variety), coconut water and Karolina’s dog, Ted. We made up an elaborate story about how Ben & Jerry’s came up with the ice cream name “Half Baked.” I then laid down in the grass, pretended to swim and laughed so hard that I cried and then I sang a song about the moon and then, magically, I woke up on Karolina’s couch without even a touch of a hangover.
God bless Miami.