things they want me to do in bed.

26 Jun

Not those things. These things:

 

 

Once upon a time, my friend and I went to the bar, got drunk and she spent the night. We went up to my room and she watched me do my evening routine (above).

 

K: This is the least sexy thing I have ever watched.

Me: What? They say to use the Biofreeze and dog bone for my neck, the cast thing to keep my arm straight while I sleep, the sock thing goes under it and the green band so my hair doesn’t get in my face and make me break out.

 

Then I went and looked in the mirror and I was not hot at all, so I did a dance.
 

K: It’s still not sexy.

Me (air humping): Boys love it.

K: When’s the last time a boy saw your room?

Me (still dancing): 2011.

K: We are going to fix this, and when we do, no Biofreeze.

Me (doing some form of dougie): I know, I’ve already learned that lesson.

K: Poor guy.

Me (still douging): Poor me too! Don’t worry though, a hero will soon save me from sexual deprivation, I feel him coming.

K: Hah, coming.

Me (more douging): Come, let’s dougie.

 

And so we did, at 3 am, to no music.

28 Responses to “things they want me to do in bed.”

  1. jennigreenmiller June 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    Oh how I’ve missed your humor!

    Like

  2. Maggie O'C June 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm #

    You make me scream you’re so funny. What the hell is a dougie???

    Like

  3. Trip X June 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

    My bet is you will feel him cumming! :-)

    Like

  4. Frivolous Monsters June 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    When I read dog bone I took you for some sort of monster…
    Looked at the picture again and I get it now. Not Chinese herbal remedies…
    And I didn’t know what dougie was either and took if for boogie!

    Like

    • La La June 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

      Oh my gosh, I will be more specific next time hahaha

      Like

  5. Pigeon Heart June 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

    still not clear on the biofreeze…

    Like

    • La La June 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm #

      It’s cryotherapy, so it’s super cold and kind of smells bad.

      Like

  6. RFL June 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

    Hilarious!

    Like

    • La La June 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm #

      Thanks. Hope your day is going okay.

      Like

  7. Christopher De Voss June 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    You and your friend were in tshirts and panties right? At least that’s how I read it.

    Like

    • La La June 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

      Duh. Pillow fight! ::giggles::

      Like

  8. Kourtney Heintz June 26, 2012 at 6:30 pm #

    La La, I love your conversations. Next life I am coming back as a fly on your wall. :)

    Like

    • La La June 27, 2012 at 10:58 am #

      What if in the next life we are both flies?

      Like

  9. Madame Weebles June 26, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    Your friend’s initial “K” must stand for Kickass. Everyone needs a pal to dougie with and help you get laid.

    Like

    • La La June 27, 2012 at 10:57 am #

      Haha, you’re so funny. Agreed!

      Like

  10. Lori DiNardi June 26, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

    Oooh, biofreeze … hot (in a sense) but not so sexy. Do the Dougie

    Like

  11. Andrew June 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

    Doing the Dougie is the answer to everything. If I was a crossing guard for a living that’s all I would do. Man, I wish I was a crossing guard…

    Like

  12. Someone Else June 28, 2012 at 12:13 am #

    I could fuccing kiss you for this one! Ah, the female bedside traditions…

    Like

  13. becca3416 June 28, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    Teach me how to dougie, teach me teach me how to… wait what was I supposed to be doing again? Gotta love the air hump. Classic. The boys will soon all be in your yard, er bedroom. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

    Like

    • La La June 29, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      If that is the case, I will direct some of the cute ones to your bedroom!

      Like

  14. ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

    I love that you air humped to make it sexy….pretty sure I laughed

    Like

    • La La July 4, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

      pretty sure it was sexy ;-)

      Like

  15. Chris Biscuits July 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

    ‘Then I went and looked in the mirror and I was not hot at all, so I did a dance.’

    That is now my solution to everything.

    Like

    • La La July 28, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

      Good. The world would be a better place if we all made this our solution to everything!

      Like

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