Well, there has been a change of plan regarding the penis story. Here’s why:
My best friend (my dad, aka ‘Dennis the menacing menace’) came over yesterday to teach me to use an edger because I got lazy and didn’t cut my grass for 3 weeks, thus resulting in the lush jungle that greeted me on Monday afternoon. I knew my old timey mower wasn’t going to do the trick.
As he was showing off his mad edging skills, a spricket sprang toward me, causing me to run around squeal-screaming like a small child. My dad laughed and then, just to add insult to injury, a dick bee flew up and stung my knee.
Me (yelling): What the fuck, you dick bee!
Dad (laughing): You should blog about this.
Dad: Tales of a Charm City Chick, right?
Me: Um, what? Did you read it? This is like when mom read my diary when I was 14 except this diary doesn’t have a lock or a unicorn on the cover! I’ll never be able to write as myself again because this will be in the back of my mind. Thanks, Dad, you’ve ruined everything!
Dad: Why don’t you want me to read it?
Me: I talk about things that would embarrass me if you saw them! How did you find out?
Dad: Someone who likes it told me about it and don’t worry, I didn’t tell your mother.
Me: I’M RUINED. SHE’S GOING TO FIND OUT.
Dad: La, has a great writer ever stopped writing because he was nervous about what his dad or mom thought?
Dad: Okay…well, pretend I didn’t say anything. Also, please blog about how you’re a 27-year old woman who runs around screaming about bugs while your 7-year old niece embraces them. She thinks it’s funny, too.
Me: Well then, I’m glad you and little miss St. Francis of Assisi can laugh whilst I suffer.
So, my friends, we meet on this day at the crossroads (the group Bone Thugs-N-Harmony is nowhere in sight…how disappointing).
What would you do if you were in my position? Pretend for a moment that you occasionally mention penes and sex (Dad, chill, I’m not losing my virginity until I’m 33, just as we agreed) in your blog/diary that strangers read at their leisure, and yesterday you learned that your dad or mom or boss reads it. Could you keep writing that way? Would you feel hindered? Would your writing change and maybe become less fun for you? Please discuss.