Reasons Men Exist

9 Aug

After 10 months of focused research, I have finally created a comprehensive list of the main reasons that men exist. Please let me know if I’ve left any out.

 


My results show that men exist to:

- Grill amazing things

- Remove bugs

- Zip up my dress

- Fasten my bracelet

- Check if food is too hot before I take a bite

- Find out what that sound was downstairs

- Remind me that I live in a land of make-believe

- Reach high places

- Hold *this* for a second while I look for/do *that*

- Make me laugh

- Pick which shoes I should wear after I’ve narrowed it down

- Fix the toilet

- Tell me when there’s something wrong with my car

- Teach me about something that I didn’t originally find interesting,
such as space or different types of screwdrivers

- Remind me that farts exist and that they are hilarious

- Accidentally say something stupid while trying to compliment me

- Remind me that so many other women are hotter than I am

- Fix my electronics

- Practice impregnating me

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53 Responses to “Reasons Men Exist”

  1. theamazingmj August 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

    The simplicity of this is very funny. “Practice impregnating me” really caught me off guard. Good one!

    Like

  2. Someone Else August 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm #

    they’re also pretty good (for the most part) at reminding you that you could possibly be the hottest woman alive, no?!

    xoxo

    Like

  3. Kyle August 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    hahaha – you get funnier and funnier – i could think of a million other reasons why men exist but i think i’ll work on a “why women exist” list instead. maybe one item will be ‘to explain to men why they exist’ :)

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

      Thank you, Kyle. I can’t wait to read your list!

      Like

  4. Christopher De Voss August 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

    You forgot rescue you from dungeons.

    Like

  5. Madame Weebles August 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    This list is pretty perfect. Except that they definitely should be reminding you of your massive hotness.

    Oh, I just thought of a few:

    Opening jars and lifting heavy stuff
    Explaining why the ref threw the flag during a football game (assuming you care about football at all)
    Explaining the finer points of Jackass: The Movie

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm #

      Good call(s). I never know why the ref throws the flag and even though they’re usually snappy about me asking why, they always explain!

      Like

      • Madame Weebles August 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

        Exactly. I never know why either and Mr. W always patiently explains.

        Like

        • La La August 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

          (and thank you for the massive hotness thing, I blushed a little)

          Like

  6. Carrie Rubin August 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm #

    Excellent list. To it I would add “carry everything for me.” My husband is the best pack mule ever.

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

      Because they have such big strong muscles! This is the main one I forgot.

      Like

      • Carrie Rubin August 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

        And even if they don’t have big strong muscles, they’ll carry our crap, anyway, so they don’t come across as weaklings. It’s a win-win.

        Like

      • oisvpiug February 28, 2013 at 12:15 am #

        AqABcn smkhxbnnxpnc

        Like

  7. jennigreenmiller August 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

    Ha ha! These two: Accidentally say something stupid while trying to compliment me

    – Remind me that so many other women are hotter than I am… and the last one! Thanks for the laugh!

    Like

  8. calahan August 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

    The good news is that you didn’t combine any of these. For ex: Teaching you about different screw drivers while trying to impregnate you.

    That would be so distracting.

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

      You make a fine point here because that would be so distracting. Reminding me that farts exist while practicing impregnating me….soo unfortunate.

      Like

  9. Fish Out of Water August 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    My husband is the son of a jockey, so he’s not reaching anything up high for me. He does all the other stuff, though, so I let it slide.

    Like

  10. Frivolous Monsters August 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    I did comment jokingly on some other girl’s blog, after she’d completely run down some poor guy that had shown an interest in her, how it’s a hard life being man. She got quite upset and started ranting at me how men have inherited and rule the Earth, and so it’s hardly difficult… I stopped following her after that.

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

      I do think you menfolk take a lot of crap these days. I like to joke about the little things you all do that we can appreciate.

      Like

      • Frivolous Monsters August 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

        One of our more verbally extravagant former politicians (John Prescott) got a lot of stick for using the word “womenfolk”. When he had a bucket of water thrown over him by a member of the British “alternative music” band Chumbawamba he said it had “terrified the womenfolk”, but they were probably at that point all stood on stools screaming so that all we could see of them were their striped stockings… So keep it up.

        Like

        • La La August 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

          hahahaha you crack me up.

          Like

  11. RFL August 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

    Mine got stuck with picking up dog poop and always having to move the car seat. This was a great list, very funny!

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

      Oh right dog poop pickup is a good one, someone will be getting that job for sure :-)

      Like

  12. Carolina Courtland August 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    That is a super cute list!

    “Remind me that so many other women are hotter than I am”

    They unfortunately do that. Well, my husband doesn’t any more….

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm #

      Thanks. Your husband better not, you’re beautiful!!

      Like

      • Carolina Courtland August 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

        Thanks, but he has in the past. And he was immediately slammed for doing so. He only compliments me now. Proof that men can be trained to behave differently. :)

        Like

        • La La August 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm #

          note to self… ;-)

          Like

          • Carolina Courtland August 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm #

            Men aren’t perfect. Most need help in relationships. Women often think men should automatically know how to treat us. They don’t. It’s up to us to instruct them.

            Women spend too much time bitching to their friends about men and not enough time bitching at the man. LOL

            Like

  13. Elliot August 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    What about put the tv on, wander out of the room for 15 minutes, then complain when they return and you’ve turned the channel over?

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

      Haha Elliot, duh, I forgot that one.

      Like

  14. diirrty August 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    No, the reason men exist is to only practice impregnating you. All the other stuff we do is only so that you’ll let us practice impregnating you.

    Like

    • La La August 9, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

      Well, then at least we get you to do stuff for us aaaaand get to practice being impregnated as that is something I quite enjoy.

      Like

  15. ardent and awkward in austin August 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm #

    Oh man (pun), I needed that laugh today! Thank you! Loved it.

    Like

  16. Pigeon Heart August 10, 2012 at 12:41 am #

    oh girL! Yes yes, very concise. I think you hit the nail on the head- orrr had them do it fo ya. Oh!

    Like

  17. gingerfightback August 10, 2012 at 4:26 am #

    A fine list.

    Like

  18. Simon August 10, 2012 at 10:38 am #

    I don’t mean to brag but I am particularly talented in weaving something stupid in what was originally intended as a compliment.

    Like

  19. Chris Biscuits August 12, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    I am pleased to see that ‘Fight people on my behalf whom I have annoyed’ did not make the list. One day I would like to meet a girl who doesn’t think that I should prove my love for her by fighting bigger guys, bouncers, police officers and a judge in that order.

    Like

    • La La August 13, 2012 at 11:50 am #

      Oh no no I fight on my own. No worries. :-)

      Like

  20. Kathy V. August 12, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

    ~ Rescue me from icky insects.

    ~ Drive when we need to go somewhere.

    ~ Rub my feet.

    ~ Actually impregnate me.

    Which leads to:

    ~ Go out in the middle of the night to buy ketchup because I must have it NOW.

    ~ Make me feel sexy even when I look like an albino whale.

    Like

  21. kenthinksaloud August 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    Pretty much did it I think. It is good to know that we still have some uses in the world… :P

    Like

  22. becca3416 August 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    Screwdrivers are pretty fascinating! Wait, you weren’t talking about alcohol, were you? Moving along!

    Like

  23. Androgoth August 26, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    I was wondering about point number three, shouldn’t that be unzip your dress? Well either way it is a good list… I am visiting you today as part of my Great Adventure into the twenty One Bloggers on the grand appreciation blogroll from Le Clown’s Space… Yes I can see why you are amongst the lucky few and I will be calling back sometime soon, if that is acceptable of course? ;)

    Androgoth

    Like

    • La La August 26, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

      Good point, zip in the morning, unzip at night. You may call again soon. Your blog is private, or I would come spy on you.

      Like

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