It’s not La La.
It’s me, Chris De Voss.
Disappointing. I know.
I am wearing a La La wig while I write this if that helps. ($24.99. Available at LaLaMerch.com, Amazon, and other fine retailers.)
While she is taking a break, I thought I would high-jack the blog and give you, the fans, some interesting facts about the lady. Now, some of these things I’m going to make up, and some of these things will real. It’s up to you to figure out which it is.
It will be harder than you think.
Interesting Factoid Made Up…Or Not #1
La La is great singer. Her moniker, La La, is derived from the fact that she likes to sing. She also likes to dance and listen to music. If you ask inappropriate things of her, she just may bust out the Robot on you.
See? Told you it wouldn’t be easy. What do you think? Did I make up this fact or not?
Before I present the next tidbit, I’m going to pretend to sing into this carrot that I am currently enjoying with a bit of Catalina dressing….fat free, mind you.
Just in case you were wondering, I’ll be singing Radiohead’s “Creep.”
Interesting Factoid Made Up…Or Not #2
One time as a child, while randomly strolling through the woods of Baltimore, La La stumbled upon her older brother’s boy scout troop sinking in quicksand. Using her quick wits, she tied her lady lion hair into a french braid, wrapped her legs around the nearest tree, and fished out the boys one by one, except for her brother. Mostly because he always shaved all the hair off of her Barbie dolls.
And to this day, she still remains an only child.
I know that one is really hard to figure out if it’s real or not. Did I make it up? Hmmm? You may have to ask Lady La La yourself, for I will never tell.
If I had a handlebar mustache I would be twirling it with my fingers and doing a rather spot-on 1930′s evil villain laugh.
Hold on. Going to exchange the wig for a top hat. Be right back….
Ok. How does it look? Lose the monocle you say?
Interesting Factoid Made Up…Or Not #3
There may have been a movie made about La La’s boss.
Ok. Ok. I know this sounds really far-fetched. You may be able to call this one…
Or can you?!
I kind of feel like putting on a white lab coat all of a sudden.
I think I look kind of sexy in this…Got the stethoscope thingy…Free breast exams, ladies…
Sorry. Just got yelled at by Lauren. Apparently the free breast exam joke is not funny. I guess she is the only one that can talk about boobs on these pages….
I know! I know!
She just told me I have my own blog to do with what I please and I should keep the boob talk there.
Hold on a second. I’ve been told to take off the coat and give it back to the Veterinarian that I “borrowed” it from. Apparently he has been angrily knocking at the door for the last 10 minutes.
Whatever, the chew toy in the pocket was annoying anyway.
Interesting Factoid Made Up…Or Not #4
La La is the lost love child of Conan O’Brien and a Arabian Princess. She is heir to the fifteenth largest oil refinery in the Middle East. She was also brought to the states and given up for adoption at the tender young age of 22. Luckily, a family of dogs took her in and raised her into adulthood. When she was ready to leave the den, one dog decided to join her on life’s journey.
They are still together to this day.
Extra bonus points if you know the dog’s name. I will tell you this: it’s not Jonathan Wigglesby III.
Sorry. Got to ask a question.
Hey La…can I borrow your leopard print bra?
I want to write this next segment pretending I’m an Arabian princess…
Yes, I was going to wear it…
Yes, on my chest…
Yes, I will get out of your house now…
Geesh! Just trying to have a little fun.
Interesting Factoid Made Up…Or Not #5
Here is a fun picture game. Can you spot La La? Is she in square A, B, C, or D? Remember, there is only one right answer.
Hint: La La is often seen with a crowd of spectators behind her that look like blurry circles…but not always.
Interesting Factoid Made Up…Or Not #6
La La has a great sense of humor, is a wonderful story-teller, is a kind and generous person, has an intoxicating smile, and likes ice cream.
So, there you go.
Were you able to guess which facts are real and which ones I totally made up?
I will reveal one fact, just so I don’t seem like a total dick bee–I put the leopard print bra on when she wasn’t looking!
Did you know the thing actually squeaks? That wasn’t made up.
I spent like an hour making my chest squeak.
Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.
Next time though I’ll shut the blinds so the neighbor’s can’t see.
Screaming “Put the fucking lotion in the basket!” probably didn’t help.