I Want It Now

21 Sep

My birthday is coming up soon and since it is very possible that my dad reads my blog, I would like to share my birthday list so he and my mom can start shopping. Don’t worry, daddy, I promise not to get too Veruca Salt on your ass this year.

1. Money for a tank of gas.

2. Shoes.

Tell mom I’m an 8 1/2

 

3. A clever teapot.

I just want to tell you so much…I love this teapot

 

4. This Pasotti Ombrelli. It’s like a fucking scepter with a pretty umbrella on the end. I don’t own an umbrella, and I’m in need of a scepter, so this will be perfect.

Only $215.00

 

5. Underpants. I needs ‘em (seriously, I haven’t worn underwear in like a month).

It’s true

 

6. GIMMIE THIS PIG.

I shall name her Gertrude

 

7. A funny boyfriend who enjoys copious amounts of sexual activities and doesn’t mind killing the spiders in my basement. He should also like wine, cheese and hugging me.

A silhouette attempt

 

8.  I ask every year, so I’m not sure why you still haven’t gotten me a fucking beautiful unicorn.

Look, two fucking beautiful unicorns. I want the less feisty one.

 

9. Lastly, Blackwood Distillers makes a triple distilled vodka that is ice-filtered through Nordic birch charcoal and then is passed through a sand of crushed diamonds and other gems. Price? $1,060,000. It’s so beautiful that I probably won’t even cry or text an ex-boyfriend when I drink it (just kidding, I probably will).

This is necessary for your daughter’s happiness, daddy. Love you!

36 Responses to “I Want It Now”

  1. Madame Weebles September 21, 2012 at 12:18 pm #

    It’s about fucking time you came back. Happy Almost Birthday! If it’s any consolation, I know my parents read my blog on occasion. I’d be a LOT naughtier if certain people I knew didn’t read it. Meanwhile, I too want that umbrella. I had no idea I needed such an umbrella, but I really do.

    However, I should warn you: that silhouette? I know that guy. He sucks in bed.

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 12:58 pm #

      Thank you! It’s lovely to see you. That does make me feel better (hey, dad–make that two umbrellas, one for me and one for my friend, thanks!)

      Bad in bed….damn. Maybe I could teach him? That old myth…

      Like

  2. Frivolous Monsters September 21, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    I like you going Veruca Salt on your Dad’s ass… From memory I think she could rhyme whilst churning out her wish list. That and a dance number which involved abusing giant hens. That might help for you to pluck at his heart strings a whole lot better.

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

      I want a party with room fulls of laughter
      Ten thousand tons of ice cream
      and if I don’t get the things I am after
      I’m going to scream!

      Like

  3. Carrie Rubin September 21, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    Seem like very reasonable birthday gifts to me. Can’t imagine why your father wouldn’t come through for you. And how practical some of them are. Like the unicorns. But are you sure you don’t want a baby dinosaur, too? They are cute.

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

      I’d be down for a stegosaurus! That’d going on the list. Thanks, Carrie!

      Like

  4. Maggie O'C September 21, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

    We are very similar in our love for farting and scepters butt you are way funnier than I am. xo

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

      That is because we are both majestic fart princesses.

      Like

  5. Lori DiNardi September 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    I love that umbrella. I want one, and my birthday’s coming up too. I think we established before, both Libras? Yea, I’d say you and the less feisty unicorn would work much better together. ;-)

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

      I’m October 1, when is yours?

      Like

      • Lori DiNardi September 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

        The 17th. You first. But, the number I’m turning is bugging me … a lot. So, I’m going to go enjoy my trip beforehand. Have a great Bday, Miss La La. May you receive many blessings.

        Like

  6. aparnauteur September 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    Welcome back! That triple vodka sounds sinful; the guy I break-up with to get drunk better be worth it!

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      Oh, he is. Thanks, missed you!

      Like

  7. pivoine68 September 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    If you get both of the fucking unicorns, can I have the more feisty one? Yay!!! I hope you get everything you wish for on your very happiest of happy birthdays!

    Big Birthday (almost) Bisous,
    Dawn

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

      Of course! and thank you! (DAD! Make that both unicorns, my friend Dawn wants one).

      Like

  8. rheath40 September 21, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    The umbrella is to die for but the underwear, now those are my favorite! What girl would wear them? Oh yeah, you. And I guess I would too. Giggle.

    Like

  9. Alt-Shift-Enter September 21, 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    The unicorn comment was priceless. Loved it.

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

      Thank you for stopping by :-)

      Like

  10. RFL September 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

    Go Libras! My birthday is coming up too and I love your list. Majestic fart princesses should taken straight to Disney.

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

      Great idea!!! When is your birthday?

      Like

      • RFL September 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

        Next week on the 26th. I’ll probably send this list to hubs bc he never gets me unicorns either.

        Like

  11. becca3416 September 21, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

    Happy Birthday early, and if you send me your info I’ll be glad to send you a half empty bottle of your choice of vodka under 1,000,000 dollars but above 5. It wont be passed through a sand of crushed diamonds, but I will rinse my cubic zirconia ear rings in it for you. Close enough? Oh, and It will be half empty because half will be for me. Just make sure we both drink it at the same time and get on twitter drunk again.

    Like

    • La La September 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

      Can we please drunk twitter again? I want to hang out with you.

      Like

      • becca3416 September 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

        Ummm YES please.

        Like

        • La La September 21, 2012 at 5:37 pm #

          Not that it’s really hanging out…but…well, I’ll take it.

          Like

  12. Christopher De Voss September 21, 2012 at 11:19 pm #

    The Amazon box on your doorstep is me.

    Like

  13. Maddie Cochere September 22, 2012 at 12:27 am #

    Gertrude is adorable – and pink! Although she might chew up your shoe, tear the top of your umbrella, drink your vodka, and root when you fart. Stick with the unicorns.

    Like

  14. kenthinksaloud September 22, 2012 at 4:56 am #

    Perfectly reasonable requests I think – except for the underwear. You should go without for the benefit of less-developed pervs everywhere. Happy Birthday – whenever it is. Enjoy the vodka ;)

    Like

  15. Carolina Courtland September 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

    I will help you get a man. Put the following on your blog:

    1) I like to watch porn

    2) I can cook

    3) I don’t talk much, this to include talking about my problems, shoe related, purse related, gossiping, nagging

    You will have your pick from millions of men. You’re welcome.

    Happy Birthday!

    Like

  16. gingerfightback September 23, 2012 at 7:09 am #

    Proper teapot that….

    Like

  17. workspousestory September 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm #

    Oh my GOD the present selection is AWESOME! The umbrella and vodka for me, please!!!

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 11:02 am #

      I will tell my dad. We’ll start breaking his bank soon.

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Let’s Go Shopping Or Finally My Unicorn Fantasies Can Finally Be Fulfilled « Christopher De Voss - October 3, 2012

    [...] I have so many unicornical fantasies myself. I bet I know who’s wish list this is [...]

    Like

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