We are all infused with some form of creativity. Inspiration can be found everywhere, and whatever “it” is that makes you guys come up with funny posts like this and this, I am grateful that you share it with me and the world.
There are 6 reasons I feel the spark today:
1. That unmistakable, crisp autumn scent is in the air. Baltimore is much nicer when it doesn’t smell like garbage, ghetto palm (also known as the “cum tree”) and dirty gym socks. H.L. Mencken once said that in the summertime this city smells like polecats. I don’t know what polecats smell like, but I bet it’s pretty gross.
2. In the middle of the night, I went to the bathroom and a voyeur mouse ran out and watched me pee. That stupid perv mouse just sat and watched and made me realize that my stories are crazy, but true, and I just need to keep writing.
3. I visited a friend before work:
4. I had delicious red velvet cake for breakfast, motherfuckers.
5. My boss told me my huge raise was finally approved. Now I feel more appreciated and I won’t have to move into a deluxe cardboard box on the side of the road.
6. Last night/this morning I had an 8 hour-long Skype date with a man. A real man. A respectful one. We have been talking for awhile. From now on we are going to refer to him as Mr. White, because he’s so very white. Like, super white. He glows. And he’s funny. He’s really funny. And cute (like oh-my-god-when-did-I-become-a-teenager funny/cute). I want to have his babies. Okay, I just want to practice making his babies. I kind of want to hug his head. I feel excited and like, really warm right now and I might squee or something. It could be the caffeine. Or I need to get laid because it has been a whole year. Or maybe I really am just a teenager posting as an almost 28 year old woman. Or maybe I’m in love. Ugh, it’s really hot in here. What is happening to me? Is this what girls felt like when they met Elvis? I feel like I’m going to meet Elvis or something.