re·viv·i·fi·ca·tion

24 Sep

We are all infused with some form of creativity. Inspiration can be found everywhere, and whatever “it” is that makes you guys come up with funny posts like this and this, I am grateful that you share it with me and the world.

There are 6 reasons I feel the spark today:

1. That unmistakable, crisp autumn scent is in the air. Baltimore is much nicer when it doesn’t smell like garbage, ghetto palm (also known as the “cum tree”) and dirty gym socks. H.L. Mencken once said that in the summertime this city smells like polecats. I don’t know what polecats smell like, but I bet it’s pretty gross.

2. In the middle of the night, I went to the bathroom and a voyeur mouse ran out  and watched me pee. That stupid perv mouse just sat and watched and made me realize that my stories are crazy, but true, and I just need to keep writing.

3. I visited a friend before work:

 

4. I had delicious red velvet cake for breakfast, motherfuckers.

5. My boss told me my huge raise was finally approved. Now I feel more appreciated and I won’t have to move into a deluxe cardboard box on the side of the road.

6. Last night/this morning I had an 8 hour-long Skype date with a man. A real man. A respectful one. We have been talking for awhile. From now on we are going to refer to him as Mr. White, because he’s so very white. Like, super white. He glows. And he’s funny. He’s really funny. And cute (like oh-my-god-when-did-I-become-a-teenager funny/cute). I want to have his babies. Okay, I just want to practice making his babies. I kind of want to hug his head. I feel excited and like, really warm right now and I might squee or something. It could be the caffeine. Or I need to get laid because it has been a whole year. Or maybe I really am just a teenager posting as an almost 28 year old woman. Or maybe I’m in love. Ugh, it’s really hot in here. What is happening to me? Is this what girls felt like when they met Elvis? I feel like I’m going to meet Elvis or something.

29 Responses to “re·viv·i·fi·ca·tion”

  1. Christopher De Voss September 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    You keep sparking! A raise, cool! Red Velvet cake…a winner at anytime of the day. Even though I live in Florida, I’m super white as well. Sometimes I feel like I should either A) invest in a can of spray tan, or B) wipe my Dorito stained fingers on my chest to simulate a good orange coat.

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

      Great, now I want Doritos. Thanks, Chris.

      Like

  2. Madame Weebles September 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    Okay, I have many things to say here. I will list them below.

    1) Thanks for the shoutout, homes! Hateful pantyhose is quite the inspiration.
    2) Yes, you must keep writing. MUST.
    3) I’m pretty sure NYC smells just as rank as B’more in the summertime. Blecchh.
    4) Whassup, Edgar?? I’ve visited him too. It was nice of you to stop and say hi to him this morning. I’m sure he appreciated it very much.
    5) No fair bragging about your breakfast without bringing enough for the rest of us.
    6) Way to go, L-Train!
    7) Mr. White sounds delightful. Squeeing and mooning about like a teenage girl is perfectly acceptable and encouraged, in fact. The only time it isn’t allowed is when girls do that about the Bieber or the Jonas Brothers. Then it’s an offense that should be punishable by death.

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 4:57 pm #

      Sure, I loved your pantyhose trashtalk.

      Ew to the putrid stench of the cities. Edgar is right around the corner from me so I visit sometimes. There’s a yum Poe restaurant, if you ever come back, we’re going!

      Sorry about the cake, but you can have some at my wedding! I promise neither Bieber nor Jonas Brothers will be played.

      Like

  3. Carrie Rubin September 24, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    Congratulations on the raise, and although I know I should focus on how great it is that you met someone who makes you that giddy, I can’t get over the fact that you can pee in the middle of the night knowing there is a mouse in your vicinity. I would be far too freaked out to think about urination at a time like that.

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

      I wasn’t pleased. I like to pretend things aren’t really there and freak out about them later, which I did. :-)

      Like

  4. aparnauteur September 24, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

    That’s it! I’ve found a way to cure my monday morning blues—red velvet cake! What’s even better is that I don’t get fat after eating cakes!
    This Mr.White guy sounds precious. Any guy who can make us feel like teenagers is worth holding onto!

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

      Aww yes! Glad I could help. I will join you in this Monday practice.

      Like

  5. Le Clown September 24, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

    La La,
    Thank you for the mention. Where I live, we don’t have tombstones like Edgar Allan Poe’s. We have many cemeteries though, with some fairly famous dudes and dudettes, who have all died from poutine indigestion.

    8-hours of Skype… I don’t even think I ever had a phone conversation that lasted that long, unless I zoned out after 5 minutes (if my wife reads this, she will be too happy to agree with my statement). Good for you to be feeding on this little kick.
    Le Clown

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

      Thanks! I loved your post today. Hilarious.

      Hey, careful with that indigestion.

      Like

  6. becca3416 September 24, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

    Cum tree? WTF. And, you go right on ahead and hug that mans head, hell maybe even both of them!

    Like

    • La La September 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

      Hahaha you crack me up.

      Like

    • Titillating Thoughts September 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm #

      Quite fittingly it is the one with all the white blossoms. Confuses porn stars…They just can’t shake the smell.

      Like

      • becca3416 September 24, 2012 at 10:31 pm #

        That is the most bizarre, hilarious, and disgusting thing I have heard today.

        Like

  7. Kathy V. September 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    You want some smells? Baltimore in the summer, when you live up the street from a sewage treatment plant. Ewwwww. And congrats on Mr White, he sounds dreamy.

    Like

  8. RFL September 24, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    Keep rockin it! Congrats on your good news and red velvet morning!

    Like

  9. The Bumble Files September 24, 2012 at 8:30 pm #

    Oh wow! Good luck with Mr. White. I hope he’s as dreamy in person.

    Like

  10. Maddie Cochere September 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    Congrats on the raise. Everyone should have a raise – so glad yours is huge. 2:00 a.m two nights ago, and I walk into the kitchen. Mouse on the stove. Me, plastic cup, and paper grocery sack. Manage to get mouse in sack and haul him out to the garden. He’ll probably find his way back in. Love Mr. White! I married a white man – blinding white. They’re a good breed. So glad you’re happy!

    Like

    • La La September 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

      Thank you!! The blinding white are the best kind, and you are braver than I with the mice!

      Like

  11. Pigeon Heart September 24, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

    I think there may be more to that mouse than you realize. Congrats on the looove connect. And good luck. And get ready to dust out the ol’ cavern, girl! And if it don’t work out, Id fuck the mouse bc a year is way too long.

    Like

  12. gingerfightback September 25, 2012 at 4:28 am #

    After reading about your pay rise i thought you might like to know I have set up a charity to help homeless Mickey Rooney/George Clooney lookalikes – all donations gratefully received.

    Like

    • La La September 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

      Hahaha, I thank you for this notice and I will keep it in mind.

      Like

  13. kenthinksaloud September 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm #

    Aww that was actually really quite sweet! :)

    Like

  14. pivoine68 September 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm #

    La La in love! I’m so happy for you! Plus you are getting a raise and know how to acquire red velvet cake, can pee in the company of a sweet mouse….

    Yay! Life is good!

    Like

  15. calahan September 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm #

    Never sleep with someone on the first Skype date. Good rule of thumb.

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Go Home and Hug Your Houseplant | 25ToFly - October 10, 2012

    [...] while back I ran across the term “cum tree” on someone’s blog and had to Google it. The handful of other funky fauna I found along with my search got me [...]

    Like

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