Recently I overheard two women being bratty about the gifts they receive from their husbands. It reminded me of a certain birthday gift I received for my 25th birthday.
I dated a guy who knew me like a book. For two years he drove me to work every day, we talked all day at work and we spent all of our evenings together. We brushed our teeth together, watched TV together and even showered together. He knew my habits and routines. He even knew my specific, classy taste in jewelry.
When he asked me what I wanted for my 25th birthday I said, “Surprise me.” So, this is what I got:
1. Yes, what you are seeing is a necklace with a locket that says, “I believe in Faeries.”
2. Yes, that is a small vial of “Faerie dust.”
3. Yes, that is the nerdy/archaic “ae” spelling.
4. No, I do not believe in “faeries,” nor have I ever expressed even a mild interest in such mythical beings.
How would you react in this situation? I laughed because I thought it was a joke. It wasn’t a joke, and he spent the rest of the day moping around the house because I laughed.
I think we both learned important lessons that day and I invite you to take this knowledge with you when you go–
Women: Quit your bitching. If a man asks you what you want, tell him or narrow it down because guess what? It doesn’t matter how well he knows you, he may get you a goddamn fairy necklace.
Men: Unless your lady absolutely fucking adores fairies, there isn’t a single circumstance that warrants purchasing a fairy necklace. If she isn’t bleeding fairy dust, don’t get that necklace! Do you understand me? Don’t you fucking do it!