Modern Faerie Tale

27 Sep

Recently I overheard two women being bratty about the gifts they receive from their husbands. It reminded me of a certain birthday gift I received for my 25th birthday.

I dated a guy who knew me like a book. For two years he drove me to work every day, we talked all day at work and we spent all of our evenings together. We brushed our teeth together, watched TV together and even showered together.  He knew my habits and routines. He even knew my specific, classy taste in jewelry.

When he asked me what I wanted for my 25th birthday I said, “Surprise me.” So, this is what I got:  

 

1. Yes, what you are seeing is a necklace with a locket that says, “I believe in Faeries.” 

2. Yes, that is a small vial of “Faerie dust.” 

3. Yes, that is the nerdy/archaic “ae” spelling. 

4. No, I do not believe in “faeries,” nor have I ever expressed even a mild interest in such mythical beings.

_____
How would you react in this situation? I laughed because I thought it was a joke. It wasn’t a joke, and he spent the rest of the day moping around the house because I laughed.

I think we both learned important lessons that day and I invite you to take this knowledge with you when you go–

Women: Quit your bitching. If a man asks you what you want, tell him or narrow it down because guess what? It doesn’t matter how well he knows you, he may get you a goddamn fairy necklace.

Men: Unless your lady absolutely fucking adores fairies, there isn’t a single circumstance that warrants purchasing a fairy necklace. If she isn’t bleeding fairy dust, don’t get that necklace! Do you understand me? Don’t you fucking do it!

47 Responses to “Modern Faerie Tale”

  1. Maggie O'C September 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

    hahahaha. Oh LaLa, I’m the queen of hating my presents. Although I never got a Faerie locket necklace. My first fiance once gave me a can of tennis balls, it’s weird we didn’t work out. Always pick out your gifts so the man knows what to do. If he is a fabulous gift buyer on his own, he’s probably gay.

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

      Oh man, I’d love a guy to prove me wrong. Tennis balls!! Hahaha. I thought you might have input on this one :-)

      Like

  2. makewayforlindaj September 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

    This was fucking hysterical!! I learned the fairy (faerie?) necklace lesson years ago after my husband bought me a WAY over the top glitzy watch for christmas. (Being the tomboy I am, I have NO idea what the hell he was thinking when he bought me a watch covered in rhinestones and hearts – maybe he thought it would go well with my converse sneakers and jeans?) Now I actually find things I like online, and email him the pictures and links when my birthday or christmas roll around. This way he doesn’t have to deal with my “are you smoking crack?” look when I open one of his gifts, and I get what I want. Win win.

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

      Thank you! I learn as I go and laugh when I can. Future husband shall receive email pictures for sure!

      Like

  3. Peaches September 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    I give up on gifts from men unless it’s cash. I just take the sentiment and give them sweet kisses of gratitude because I don’t know what else to do anymore. For THREE years I have repeatedly requested the same two things (a gift certificate for a good massage and a nice jewellry box. Both simple, but needed items) from my amazing husband and he talks about getting me both for my birthday and christmas every year, but invariably things I want more fuzzy chanille socks or..I can’t even remember half the things. But he is so sweet. “You always complain your feet are cold and these are super soft”. He was thinking about me and remembering things. I appreciate it.

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

      Well, it’s sweet that he remembered little things. This made me laugh! I hope you got your massage!

      Like

  4. Jen and Tonic September 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    That last paragraph is hysterical! I’m pretty low-maintenance in the gift department, I honestly don’t ask for much. One year a boyfriend got me Q-tips…because he knew I liked to clean my ears. I accused him of pulling something out of the medicine cabinet because he had forgotten, but he swears he bought it specifically for my birthday. Years later, I’m still not sure if he was pulling a fast one.

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

      You must be joking. Q-Tips. You can’t make that shit up! I love it. I will be sure not to tell anyone I enjoy cleaning my ears.

      Like

  5. Kathy V. September 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

    My husband tries so hard. He loves to buy me jewelry, but he has the most godawful taste — he reliably gets me old lady jewelry made of mauve glass. I think he must be colorblind or something, because I’ve expressed my disdain for the color mauve REPEATEDLY. I agree with Maggie, you have to be very specific with the menfolk when it comes to gifts. Otherwise you end up with oversized mauve glass.

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

      Perhaps you should say you want mauve glass and see if it happens again! I’m so glad I posted this, I feel a lot better after these comments.

      Like

  6. mikeakin1 September 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    Based on the last two post; a man needs to get this beautiful and charming woman tickets to a Rod Stewart concert (including back stage passes), before she drop kicks some man into next year. :) Great advice LaLa :)

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

      Seriously, one of these dudes best get me to a Rod Stewart concert, or else!

      Like

  7. aparnauteur September 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

    Haha! Gifts and guys! But in his defense, he probably took “surprise me” quite literally ;)

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

      Hahaha, then he’d be way smarter and funnier than I thought!

      Like

  8. Carrie Rubin September 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

    Wow, I’m not sure my 12-year-old niece would even wear that. But bless his little heart (that’s my euphemism for whenever someone does something dumb–”Oh, bless your little heart.”) My husband’s actually a great gift-giver to me. So I’ve got no complaints there. :)

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

      Aw yay! Hope exists. I use “little” in the same way haha.

      Like

  9. Gus Sanchez September 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    Trust me, this goes for men as well. My wife “surprised” me with a truly awful Christmas gift: a track suit that made me look like an extra on “The Sopranos.” That look of “are you kidding me?” pretty much betrayed how I felt. But it wasn’t her fault; her mom SWORE I’d love to have something like this. Dumb ass.

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

      HA! That’s a great story, thank you so much for sharing it!

      Like

  10. Kourtney Heintz September 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    LOL. That’s priceless. Good advice. My friend always takes me shopping and asks what I think of stuff to get an idea of what I would and wouldn’t like. That way it’s a surprise but a well wanted surprise. :)

    Like

  11. Le Clown September 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    La La,
    You will LOVE the unicorn I got for you.
    Le Clown

    Like

    • La La September 27, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

      It better have pink hair.

      Like

  12. Bob September 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

    I’m a dude but I think that necklace is supper cute and full of whimsy.

    Like

    • Bob September 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

      And just do I don’t get mail, I wrote super cute but my phone must be hungry cause it wants supper.

      Like

  13. stuffitellmysister September 27, 2012 at 6:26 pm #

    ROFL!!! :)

    Like

  14. susielindau September 27, 2012 at 7:47 pm #

    Hahaha! I’ve been married for almost 25 years so there have been hits and misses. When we were first married he would buy clothes I would never wear! They would have been much more suitable on a hooker! :) Now he sticks to jewelry. Maybe I should mention that he should stay away from said faery necklace!

    Like

    • La La September 28, 2012 at 10:51 am #

      Hooker clothes are the funniest gifts from men!

      Like

      • susielindau September 28, 2012 at 10:54 am #

        They were ridiculous! I still have the “bubble” leopard mini skirt with the skinny long sleeved off the shoulder matching top! It’s in the costume box! Hahaha!

        Like

  15. The Bumble Files September 27, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    Oh La La, I am so laughing at all of this. I agree it’s better to be clear. Some guys just aren’t good at the gift thing.

    Like

    • La La September 28, 2012 at 10:58 am #

      Glad I sparked a laugh, that’s why I’m here!

      Like

  16. Madame Weebles September 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    Holy fuck, I never would have imagined a guy would ACTUALLY buy something like this. That poor bastard.

    If it helps, your Charm City colleague, Mr. Weebles, is an awesome gift giver. One year he commissioned an artist to make an oil painting of our Kitty Emeritus, Pickles. I bawled like a little bitch when I opened it.

    Like

    • La La September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am #

      He did. I threw it out, or I would post a pic of myself wearing it.

      Aw that’s so thoughtful of Mr. Weebles! I heart him.

      Like

  17. Carolina Courtland September 27, 2012 at 10:46 pm #

    My husband gave me a waffle iron once as a gift. I hate waffles. Go figure.

    Like

    • La La September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am #

      Fucking amazing!

      Like

      • Carolina Courtland September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am #

        Although, one time my husband outdid himself and gave me FIVE awesome purses from good designers like Dooney, Vuitton, Coach. I couldn’t believe it.

        Sadly, that hasn’t happened again in 20 years.

        Like

  18. Dee Dee September 28, 2012 at 9:27 am #

    I did tell him not to buy it. He did know not to buy it! sigh….men

    Like

  19. kenthinksaloud September 28, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    I don’t think anyone comes out good in this area. Women are picky, as a rule, and men are bloody awful at buying gifts! The combination is just made for disaster! Even so, a Faerie locket is probably pushing it! But I still feel great fear when my good lady says “surprise me” when it comes to birthdays and things. Pure. Fear.

    Like

  20. kelsgonebush September 28, 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    I guess it beats a vacuum cleaner .. ;) Xx

    Like

  21. jeandayfriday October 1, 2012 at 9:23 am #

    My husband has learned to buy nice gifts, but it took awhile. I have always tried to smile and be happy because he at least tried. Although, I would laugh my ass off if he ever got me a faerie necklace! What in the world was your former boyfriend thinking?!

    Like

  22. calahan October 1, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    I’m curious, though. Did you keep the vial of fairy (sorry, faerie) dust or did he take it back home and put it in a drawer where it continues to mock him each time the drawer is opened?

    Like

    • La La October 2, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

      I threw it out, mocking him sounds so much better!

      Like

      • calahan October 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

        I wonder how many fairies had to die for that vial to be filled. This guy sounds like a genocidal maniac.

        Like

  23. ladymiryaa October 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm #

    I had an ex buy me a hiking backpack. Hello! Indoor girl! Pretty sure I would have taken the fairy necklace over that. My Mom actually bought me the most gaudy black and red giant costume cross necklace for christmas because I am Catholic….hmmmmmmm

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Husband Requirements « - November 14, 2012

    [...] 6. Don’t buy me any jewelry that has fairy dust attached to it. [...]

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