Boss: L-Train, I need you to do me a favor. There’s a new woman in the building named Sharon and she’s really perky.
Me: Um, ok.
Boss: Can you make her less perky?
Me: What? How?
Boss: Unleash the sarcasm on her or something. You know how I feel about high-pitched voices, perkiness and anything that walks with a jaunty step.
Me: Will you be paying extra for this? I don’t unleash anything for free.
Boss: No, but you are top banana in the sarcasm department and I want to see her writhe.
Me: Buy me wine and I will snark that woman into the ground.
Boss: Deal. By the way, I’m thinking of moving.
Me: Had enough of the city?
Boss: No, I’m thinking of moving to New York City. Do you have a life plan?
Me: I have some thoughts about it. Are we moving to a different institute?
Boss: No. A few of us are starting a business, but I can’t afford to bring anyone from the lab along. Get a tissue, your nose is bleeding.
Me: Of course it is.
Boss: It will be next year some time, I think. You need a job that allows you to expand your creative wings. We can talk about it later. In the meantime, fix your nose and then go use your wit to make that perky woman miserable.
Me: Yes, sir!
Is this real?
Yes. Welcome to my life.
that’s funny
That man. Wow.
Your boss sounds just as eccentric but far more likeable than mine ever was. I bet it makes your workday interesting!
It’s usually entertaining when I play along. It gets me through the day!
The men in your life…..
If he leaves, hopefully your job will remain secure. They can’t afford to lose the “top banana in the sarcasm department.” Perkiness would run unchecked, and no one wants that.
Oh my gosh, good point. Job security!
Can this go on the resume?
I think I can add it, sure.
I was going to ask if this was real. But surely you can’t make this stuff up. And besides being “top banana in sarcasm department,” is a job qualification worth having.
I’ll keep my perkiness hidden.
Haha, you better!
Why was your nose bleeding? Was he jamming knitting needles up there while you were talking?
The air is dry…so dry…
That sounds horrible.
Wine bribes are the best.
Wow… this really happens in your office? Cool!
Does the pressure of extreme snark make your nose bleed?
I wish I could be hired to make this guy LOOSEN UP! Go eat some cheese or something.
Mmm cheese
Crazy bosses make the world go round, I swear. Does he have pointy hair, by any chance?
He does, David Stewart, he really does.
Sounds like my kind of job! Perkiness needs to end its an epidemic!
One that they really need to get under control.
If the thought of moving to another place in a new job made your nose bleed you better not get any marriage proposals or your head my literally explode. Which would be messy.
I can’t help but take the “top banana” thought a little too far and picture you working all day in a banana suit. I think doing so would actually help you bring that girl down a notch or two. Somehow…
Hahahahaha. I wish I worked all day in a banana suit!!!
I love the boss convo posts, because I relate. Good call on not unleashing things for free.
So good. Oh and I also get nose bleeds a lot. It’s so attractive at dinner parties and bar outings!
I love how he makes requests and drops a bomb on you all in one conversation. My nose would bleed too.
He wanted a less perky employee? Interesting…