Take It Personally

12 Dec

I have a few things to say in response to today’s post by Becca on A Clown On Fire.

I understand Becca’s issue. It’s something too many women have to face.

 

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A few months ago I organized an event for a large VIP group of scientists and politicians. On the third night, I attended the annual gala. I was pleased to see the cocktail hour run smoothly and my boss complimented me on my hard work.

Then something unexpected happened.

When we sat down for dinner and awards, a man at the next table was staring in my direction. Then I noticed another across the room. Then another, and it soon became so obvious that my coworkers noticed as well. When the last speech came to a close, all three approached me. The first one said I was sexy in my black dress and he invited me “upstairs to the VIP room for a drink.” The second said I looked good, winked and then asked me to come work for him as his personal assistant in New York City. He even gave me his number, but told me not to call after 5:00 because of his three daughters and wife. The third invited me to go dancing after dinner and actually put his hand on my waist.

I fought myself over whether to be polite or to tell them off. Their behavior was appalling and I felt helpless. This was a work event and I don’t care how important these men are, they know better.

All men know better. So, what’s it about? All of the comments on Becca’s post are great, but one stood out to me that I fully agree with–I think it’s about power.

I wasn’t ready for that situation and I went home and cried. I felt bad about myself and I was mad that my body was more important to them than who I am. The one guy didn’t even care enough to ask my name.

I felt weak, and stupid for feeling weak. The next day, I told my boss how uncomfortable it made me feel and he said, “Don’t take it personally.”

Don’t take it personally? It was a dismissive response and I take that personally, too.

As someone who has had her body disrespected in the past, I would tell anyone to take it personally, and stay strong because mind games can really mess with you. I have my weaknesses, but I am very smart, creative, talented and independent. I am wonderful at what I do and I could look like a pile of rocks and still be good at it. I would respect myself in either situation.

We all deserve respect, whether it is in the workplace or in our personal lives. So, Becca, I stand by my comment to you. Take it personally, stay confident, respect yourself always and keep on shining that bright light of yours. Lastly, I didn’t know you would be posting that today and I have a joke post to share with you that I wrote last week that sort of reflects on these matters, and I hope you won’t find it distasteful.

126 Responses to “Take It Personally”

  1. Le Clown December 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

    La La,
    Beautiful, strong, and brave. Thank you for sharing this one. I truly respect you as a woman, and a fellow human being. And I’m proud to call you a friend.
    Le Clown

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

      Thank you for helping to bring it out of me and thank you for being my friend!

      Like

  2. becca3416 December 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    I am so glad you posted this. It is so similar to things I, and many others, experience on the regular. It eventually starts to stick to you everywhere you go until one day you find yourself hiding in corners, thinking why the fuck am I feeling like this. We shouldn’t have to do that. Thank you. Now, go ahead with your funny please. I have been having withdrawals.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

      Ugh, fuck hiding anymore, I say. I loved your post and needed to respond. The funny shall come tomorrow!

      Like

  3. Madame Weebles December 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Oy vey. “Don’t take it personally.” I love that. On the one hand, it’s not personal because these jackwads would do that to any number of women, not just you. On the other hand, it happened to you personally, and it’s WRONG. It’s wrong for them to harrass you, and it’s wrong of your boss to dismiss it.

    It would be ever so nice if women could just BE. If we all stripped off this flesh packaging, it wouldn’t matter one way or the other as long as we were good souls.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

      I would love to just BE, Weebs. You know most that I struggle with these things and clearing them. I thank you for helping to make me a stronger person!

      Like

    • Lyssapants December 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm #

      I was going to comment, but Weebs said everything I wanted to say, so ditto. And thanks for posting!

      Like

      • La La December 12, 2012 at 7:28 pm #

        Haha, she always does a great job, doesn’t she?

        Like

  4. meizac December 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Reblogged this on Meizac and commented:
    Following Becca’s post of earlier today, Lauren wrote this. My own will soon follow…and it will be as difficult for you to read, I figure, as it’s going to be for me to write.

    Like

    • becca3416 December 13, 2012 at 11:50 am #

      I love how this reached everyone on such a personal level!

      Like

  5. TAE December 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Though I get your point, I have to say that in my life I make it a point to not take these things personally. It’s my strategy, I guess, and I try to apply it to many disappointing “events”: being betrayed, harassed, lied to etc. It’s the person who does it, who ruins his/her karma, and I got shit to do with it, it says nothing about me as a person, and if I’m in the right mood, I’ll let them know, too.

    I know this might not work for everybody, but that’s my 2cents. Thanks for being brave, and sharing the story.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm #

      Thank you for stopping by and sharing! I understand what you mean, and this is just my way of making me stronger.

      Like

  6. JWo December 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

    Very nice post… I also know how it feels to be ogled like a piece of meat. But then I feed Savannah and she goes back to sleep. ;-)

    But seriously, it has to suck knowing that people look at you for “less” than what you really are and I apologize for the dickheads out there.

    Like

    • JWo December 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

      Oh and I was gonna put some lyrics on Facebook from a song I was listening to, but it would have be right after your link to this so I figured I’d wait… Prolly could have been seen as bad timing… ;-)

      Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

      It does suck, but making people aware is good, I think. It isn’t worth hiding.

      I love Savannah!

      Like

      • JWo December 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

        It’s definitely not worth hiding and your post shows how vulnerable AND strong you are at the same time.

        Savannah would love you to. She loves anyone with hands. haha…

        Like

  7. calahan December 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

    He didn’t even ask your name? Holy god, what an asshole (on top of his being an obvious douchebag.) So often, I am embarrassed to be a male. Guys, especially ones with a false sense of power (whether in business or socially), seem to think every woman is new conquest, another notch on their belt (next to the herpes and gonorrhea fanny packs) and it is so fucking gross.

    As for “don’t take it personally,” that’s just another way of saying, “Shut up and be pretty.”

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

      Right? I was like, “I’m Lauren, by the way, dick face!” And I’ll be pretty and I won’t shut up! So there! Thank you for commenting. You are my favorite commenter.

      Like

      • calahan December 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

        I’m your favorite, too? I’m starting to get worried. It’s kinda like everyone else already talked to the doctors before I have and knows something that I don’t, so they’re all being really nice. Did you see the x-rays? What did it show?

        Like

        • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

          I did, I’m sorry they didn’t break the news to you yet. The x-ray showed a funny bone. Had to.

          Like

          • calahan December 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

            Is that it?! Thank god (and I’m an atheist!) because I was so sure it was an evil gnome living in my stomach.

            Go life!

            Like

        • becca3416 December 13, 2012 at 11:51 am #

          You have charisma-itus.

          Like

          • calahan December 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

            I don’t know if my insurance will even cover that.

            Like

  8. Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher December 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    Being a woman is hard in a work environment – we are damned if we are ‘fat'; we are damned if we are ‘too attractive’, we are damned if we are ‘plain’ and we are doubly damned if we stand up for ourselves. We’ve come far but we still have further to go and just having these conversations is a huge step in the right direction – it’s totally about power – and how others wield it to keep themselves feeling ‘good’… so many people are douchebags – but I see some very wise men that are responding to these posts and it makes me feel that there is some hope.

    Like

    • Le Clown December 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

      Denise,
      Well said.
      Le Clown

      Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

      I agree completely, and it’s unfortunate, but awareness is a big step. :) I didn’t think many men would reply, and I’m pleased that they have. Thank you so much for your great input.

      Like

      • Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher December 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm #

        Thank you for your great words – I look forward to reading future posts – who knew I was missing out on what over 1,000 followers were getting!

        I think there are a lot of really good men out there – they are coming up through the cracks and speaking out against what is popular amongst most of them. That’s gotta be hard.

        Like

    • Love and Lunchmeat December 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

      All true. And somehow, rather than telling men to leave their coworkers alone/don’t be rude, the answer is always either “don’t take it personally” or tighten the dress code.

      Like

      • Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher December 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

        They don’t want to be part of the ‘uncool’ crowd – it’s a slow process.

        On a side note – I found it interesting to play ice hockey on a co-ed team (rookie)…I was a fairly good player and most of the guys loved that I could beat them at some things but a few would not take it so well, and I feared reprocussions in the parking lot – but then the other guys that took it ‘well’ were also very protective of women players on the league..it was all very interesting to be part and think about all the dynamics going on. It’s hard being a woman.

        Like

  9. iRuniBreathe December 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

    Thanks to you, and Becca, for great posts today. I’m not sure how you could avoid taking insinuations likes this “personally.” They are directed at your person, and more specifically, your body.

    If society could just calm down a little and look at themselves, we would see woman wanting to be who they are, and so worthy of power and respect. Why do men have to hide their insecurities and fears by belittling someone else and assuming woman only want to please an ego?

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

      As women, I think not staying quiet is a good way to show just how it feels. I wasn’t going to share that experience, but I’m glad I did. Thank you for your comment, I truly appreciate it.

      Like

  10. thelaundrywench December 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    I finished reading and the only thing in my head is, “Go girl!” But I don’t say things like that.

    More directed to the point than, “Don’t take it personally,” I would say is, “Don’t dwell on it.” Guys/men/BOYS who make disrespectful comments aren’t giving it all that much thought. They’re just not. That might make the whole situation worse. But my point is that you can’t let it take you down and keep you down. Don’t give them that much power over YOU.

    Nothing makes it “okay.” What’s that saying? Sticks and stones may break your bones, but sleazebag advances never hurt me?

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm #

      I’ll accept your “Go girl!” regardless, haha. You’re right, they aren’t giving it that much thought, and I hope they will give it more thought someday.

      Like

  11. SummerSolsticeGirl December 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    While I agree with you (and do I ever agree, in a work environment, we should be respected, admired and appreciated by our brain power and not by the way we look), I have a little problem understanding -or drawing the line, if you will-, where and which kind of social interactions are allowed. I didn’t grow up in North America, so some of the social rules of this society still escape me. See, if I’m single and I am at an event, and then a single guy finds me attractive, is it always wrong for him to let me know this? What if I find him attractive too and actually welcome his approach?

    The other problem I see, is that some people (both men and women) do go to events thinking or wanting they want to get a little adventure out of it. I’ve seen it happen. So it gets confusing for everybody. There’s the ones that only see events as a strictly business networking gathering and then there’s the ones who want to play games. Technically speaking, if people from the latter don’t make proposals to people on the former, then everybody would be happy.

    I am not saying I encourage that kind of behaviour, I am just saying that it does happen and that some women are OK with it and even look forward to it.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

      The lines are hard to figure out, certainly. Women can look forward to it, and that’s fine. I think in the business environment it is unacceptable and I think in social situations, it would be better initially to approach in a more respectful way, but I am just one lady looking for some true love amidst a lot of strangeness. Thank you for commenting!

      Like

    • Madame Weebles December 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

      SSG, I see what you’re saying, but there is a big difference between two people expressing interest in each other, and a man expressing unwanted attention. If some women are okay with very overtly sexual approaches, that’s fine, but it doesn’t mean that men should make a habit of it.

      The men La La is talking about may be looking for a little adventure, but their approach is incredibly rude and obviously unwelcome. You can express sexual interest in someone without being a sleaze. Men should NEVER assume that such attention is desired, that a woman would automatically welcome his hand on her body ANYWHERE. It’s not about playing games, it’s about making unwelcome sexual advances, and that’s harrassment.

      Like

  12. Carrie Rubin December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

    I think it’s a mixture of a power play, the desire to be found attractive (on the man’s part), and the hope of getting lucky. I also think parents need to discuss these topics with their sons. Boys see men act like this on television, movies–everywhere. Unless someone shows them an alternative, they might not even realize what they’re doing is harmful. I’ve had these talks with my boys many times–respecting women, that sort of thing. But the most powerful tactic is when my husband talks to them about it. A father telling a boy and teenager what’s proper behavior towards women and what’s not carries far more weight than what comes from their mother. Wonderful post, La La.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

      Good point, I agree completely. They do need to be told (because let’s be honest, sometimes men need to be told in general).

      Like

  13. Christopher De Voss December 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    Incredible. Good advice. You should take it personally. That wouldn’t happen to me if I was at the dinner party, so men tend to not understand. How bold of the viagra generation! At least you are strong enough to believe in yourself and not just take it. Be proud and don’t let dick scientists change who you are.

    Like

  14. T. W. Dittmer December 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    ALL men look. We’re pretty visually oriented.

    But disrespect at your workplace, or behavior in public that makes you uncomfortable, shouldn’t be tolerated. Ever. You can’t shoot ‘em or kick ‘em in the nuts, although some guys are dense enough that they deserve it.

    My mom was quite the looker, and had a real knack for putting guys in their place. And then she’d laugh about it.

    Times have changed since then, but I still don’t think you have to tolerate rude behavior.

    Okay, I’m shuttin’ up now.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

      I can put some in their place when it’s the right people, and I wanted to put these ones in there place for sure. Your mom sounds like she was awesome back in the day!

      Like

      • T. W. Dittmer December 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

        How you do it is something you’ve gotta work out. Try to make it legal, though. ;-)

        My mom was kick-ass. I posted about her once.

        Like

  15. Good Morning, Joe December 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm #

    “Don’t take it personally”?!?! Wow. It amazes me how some men think that we women over react when it comes to things like this. We have a right to feel this way and to have our feelings on the matter listened to respectfully. It’s as if he were shrugging it off when he could have lent a sympathetic ear at least.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

      At least, right? That’s exactly how I felt! I was like oh….wow.

      Like

      • Good Morning, Joe December 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

        It’s really rough sometimes. Some people don’t get it. I guess there’s not much we can do but stay strong and never let it bring us down. Cheers!

        Like

        • La La December 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm #

          Yes! That’s what I like to hear!

          Like

  16. mmkng December 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

    La La,

    once, many years ago, I told the man I was working for and who one day had such inappropriate behavior that he could have been my grandfather (because he was about the same age as my grandfather). And I asked how old his granddaughter was. Period. At first he was offended. At first, I felt like loosing my job. He was the PM for 5 big projects in 3 countries back then. So, I could imagine what the outcome of my big mouth would be. But nothing happened. And I waited. And he didn’t say anything. After a while, he told me he would have loved it, if someone had told him that earlier and that he literally imagined his granddaughter standing in front of him at that time.

    After 3 months, I got a promotion. With the explicit reasoning that besides my professional skills, I had integrity.

    But that is also my only example of such a person understanding the consequence of ones actions and words. And he was 74.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

      That is the coolest story, thank you so much for sharing it! Go you! You must have felt so proud.

      Like

      • mmkng December 13, 2012 at 3:51 am #

        La La,

        Yeah, I did feel proud. The problem is, it was the only time someone really got the point.
        I’ll also post a story today. Subject related, of course. And since Meizac also decided to do so, let’s hope there shall be more this week. Maybe Le C. is right and we can indeed raise awareness.

        Hugs,
        mmkng

        Like

      • jayne December 19, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

        I read this yesterday and after thinking, I think it is wrong that you felt like crying. I know that incredulous and stunned feeling of reacting to to an arrogant ass in a position of power over you. It makes me think of Bette Davis and what her attitude or response would have been. I like MMkng’s story though because I think that’s the place you have to come from to meet this head on. I think you are right in the need to be aware – but after awareness, action is needed. Personally, I think action like mmkng’s words are particularly in order. She was NICE too! The only thing in a woman’s favor when dealing with inappropriate power moves is that if you do respond, he has to be fully aware of ALL of the legal ramifications of a sexual lawsuit. I hate litigation over petty shit people should just move on from BUT sometimes, that real threat of legal entanglent that exposes his ass is all you have to back you up when it is necessary to use words like mmkng’s. ( The flip side of this is that if one of those men, really thought you were beautiful, smart, if they knew you had managed the evening and admired that – how else was he supposed to greet you – Maybe ALL 3 leered like slovenly hogs caked in shit and they needed to be called out. I sometimes wonder about the path to a woman though – in general – we sometimes load it with landmines. Bad behavior is bad behavior. I believe you could tell the difference. I don’t know if I really made my point but this was a great topic LaLa!

        Like

        • La La December 19, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

          I appreciate this well thought out comment. I agree with you, and I fully believe it is necessary in the future. Even though “intuition” is sometimes up in the air, I trust mine, and I would do something about it if we crossed paths again. Thank you!

          Like

          • jayne December 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm #

            I would even go as far as thinking I would say “Sir, are you using your position of power to flirt inappropriately with me?” – flat out -lay your cards on the table and make him decide to cross the line or behave. Would I? Probably, if he was a big enough ass. …and I wasn’t caight off guard. Good Luck with the Douches. : )

            Like

            • La La December 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

              Good idea. I felt kind of nervous about this post, but am so glad that I posted it because of the great ideas and feedback. Muah!

              Like

            • jayne December 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

              Muah! …and can I give you my key? …bad, bad, very bad timing of the poorest choices of words I could make – at least I KNOW IT and I’m NOT YOUR BOSS!!!! much love, Jayne

              Like

            • La La December 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

              hahahaha!

              Like

  17. davidhardingblogs December 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    Unbelievable. I had no idea. These guys sound like jerk kids who were taught the world revolves around them and they can do what they want. Arrogant. Those poor wives…

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

      David, I think you are onto something. And sometimes arrogance comes with status, too, right?

      Like

      • davidhardingblogs December 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

        Yep. The world is screwed up. They don’t care if they are rejected – they’ll say it’s something wrong with you, not them. They’re just looking for their next kill like some jungle creature who only follows urges.

        Like

        • La La December 12, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

          Which I hate! I am not a creature. Well, except of the night, of course.

          Like

  18. TJLubrano December 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    Hello! Don’t believe I ever visited your blog before, but just read Becca’s post and saw your post. You definitely should take it personally as what they did made you feel like shit. That’s not right. I was applauding for Becca, but now I can continue my applauding for you as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story as well. :)

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

      Aww thanks! And thanks for visiting. High fives all around! ;-)

      Like

  19. Jen and Tonic December 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm #

    “Don’t take it personally” is such a bullshit thing to say in these types of situations because who is someone else to tell you when you should or shouldn’t feel disrespected? It’s one thing to tell someone to calm down when they freak out over a little spilled water, but it’s another to tell them they don’t have the right to feel violated by men who used their status to win you over sexually.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm #

      Sing it, lady! Glad to hear that I wasn’t just over exaggerating by being upset by it.

      Like

  20. Margarita December 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    Unacceptable behavior is just that: unacceptable, and there is no reason to tolerate it. While the rules and mores in society can be murky, you have your own standards and mores to guide you. Never fear drawing those boundaries around you, politely, firmly, and, above all respectfully-there’s no need to sink to the slime’s level. Women can simply be: the can simply be strong and not allow themselves to be defined by anyone other themselves. It takes practice…you’re doing fine! All the best, xoM

    Like

    • Le Clown December 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

      Margarita,
      “Unacceptable behavior is just that: unacceptable”: Amen to that my friend.
      Le Clown

      Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

      Margarita! I like to think so. It makes me feel good knowing people feel this way. Very kind of you to say!

      Like

  21. Bob December 12, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

    As an ever evolving man I apologize for the rest of my species. I don’t know if it was the way they were raised or maybe that I was raised differently, or the fact that I’m Canadian.

    Personally I can never ever do that to a woman or person in general. for me it’s all about the person it’s all about the mind. I would rather have a nice inquisitive intelligent set of eyes looking at me send me staring at her ass or her legs.

    I also think you’re hitting on something with the power issues lot of these men think they can just buy and sell people. who I’ve got a fancy car I have money you should want to do me.

    Listen ass wipe limp-dicked assholes. treat people with respect and I’ll get it back if not you’re hurting people what’s wrong with you.

    Now you have me mad and that’s just wrong

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

      Bob! You’re awesome and I truly appreciate this comment. You’re so thoughtful, always, but especially today! I’ll forgive you for being Canadian.

      Like

      • Bob December 13, 2012 at 10:53 am #

        It’s OK if you want to throw a brick at me for being Canadian. I have “Free” health care!! Seriously though good followup on Clowns posting. It’s an issue that men and women need to start addressing.

        Like

  22. jiltaroo December 12, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    I too have attracted this kind of unwelcome attention in the past. We work hard to be profession, whilst keeping our uniqueness. It’s disappointing when this is stripped away, it makes you feel naked. These men had no right to seek that side of you and should realize and recognize the side of you that were obviously demonstrating.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

      Yes! That’s very true. I just want to be myself, I know exactly what you mean. This is a very insightful comment!

      Like

      • jiltaroo December 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm #

        I don’t know why it has taken me so damn long to visit you. I will get down to it and make sure I have a thorough perusal of your blog now!

        Like

        • La La December 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm #

          Yay! I’m going to go crazy on yours when I get home.

          Like

  23. speaker7 December 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm #

    Yes, I think we should all take it personally, and maybe that will cow these people into behaving in a more gentleman-like manner. (I like quoting Elizabeth Bennet when I can) I think it might be near impossible to find one woman who has not gone through a similar experience.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

      Elizabeth Bennett. You’re my new best friend! That you for helping to prompt the post with your comment. :)

      Like

  24. transparentguy December 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    I’m sorry this happened to you and that your boss was so unprofessional in response to your obvious and rightful distress.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 6:25 pm #

      Oh thank you, this is life. I appreciate it.

      Like

  25. Brian Westbye December 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    What a horrifying thing to go through. I’m glad you’re taking it back and writing so fiercely about it. Hope you find strength and peace through your reclamation.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

      Aww thanks Brian. Appreciate it, thanks so much for stopping by.

      Like

  26. Viciously Sweet December 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

    I was just saying that it is so hard to be a “girl” in the workforce last night. We are supposed to act like we’re equal to the men and women we work with. But then you call some other office to coordinate a project and they assume that you are the receptionist, even though you are the project manager… Once I had someone physically corner me and they made a pass at me. And the sad thing is in the field I work in, guys think that is okay. These things bother me everyday during my 9-5, when I’m supposed to be getting my work done and think to myself is today the day I’m going to be attacked in the parking lot? I thought this was just my everyday. I wish that it didn’t happen to other ladies, but apparently and sadly it does.

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 8:42 pm #

      Lauren, that’s terrible! You shouldn’t have to worry about that and unfortunately I know what you mean. I don’t know what I would do in your case, to be honest. You must be a very strong gal and truly I envy you!

      Like

  27. Viciously Sweet December 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm #

    I hit “enter” to soon. You know, it’s absolutely not okay for your boss to have said that to you. It’s so wrong that women are treated the way they are in the workplace. No one has the right to touch you because you look good in a dress! And you can take anything you’d like personally! I really think your post is spot on and wonderful. And that is my honest personal opinion!

    Like

    • La La December 12, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

      Aww you got excited and clicked enter haha. Thank you so much this is such a compliment. ::hugs::

      Like

  28. RFL December 12, 2012 at 10:09 pm #

    Great posts from you ladies today. Brave and powerful. It is personal and it should be taken seriously. I’m proud of you all for speaking out.

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 1:06 am #

      Thanks lady friend! You’re very kind. Have a great night!

      Like

  29. Mari December 12, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    Good for you – most are absolute Neanderthals – no wait – that would be an insult to the specie – Hmm. Help me here . . .

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 1:05 am #

      Most are just clueless. I love them to death, but they are clueless.

      Like

      • Mari December 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

        agreed. Loving them is a no matter what!

        Like

  30. diirrty December 13, 2012 at 12:30 am #

    This post annoys me. So what if you get hit on. Many women would appreciate the attention, and in fact, would complain that men are hopeless if they can’t pluck up the courage to approach a woman. Sure, men are pigs, blah blah, but they can’t read your mind. Now I expect a good flaming from all of your loyal followers, but hey, if you’re really all about “taking it personally” then do just that. Take it personally and don’t LET them bother you. The only power they have over you is what you let them have.

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 1:03 am #

      There’s a difference between talking to someone at a bar and at a work function where a 67 year old arrogantly approaches assuming I want his nasty old man penis inside me because he’s famous. I don’t need that shit, and will gladly invite him to fuck right off.

      Like

      • diirrty December 13, 2012 at 2:27 am #

        … and that’s my point. Invite him to fuck right off. Why be upset about him? You just allow yourself to make it your problem. Take your own advice, take it personally, and speak up at the time, not on your blog where all you’ll get is a pat on the back for being “brave”.

        Like

    • isawbobdylaninaspeedo December 13, 2012 at 1:14 am #

      spoken like a true neanderthal.

      Like

  31. isawbobdylaninaspeedo December 13, 2012 at 1:12 am #

    What would be beautiful…is to sleep with them all and give them all herpes. (Don’t take the wrong way…not insinuating you HAVE herpes…but to make them be in great pain because they are pigs.) ok…taking it personally is natural. You were not recognized as a PERSON who did a great job, but as a pussy. They are dum. They are used to women falling all over the chance to have their nasty old penises…bleck. But look at the source. scientists and politicians??? Neanderthals. If it had been a fire fighters convention…you go girl. LIfe is what you make it, and not taking anything personally is the key..even good stuff. YOU know what you did…YOU know you are amazing. YOU know they are stupid. Your boss is also stupid. Next time you plan a party for these types of dudes…put some laxatives in the punch. Clearly work does not back you up…maybe you should start your own consulting/planning firm…

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 8:44 am #

      You are SO funny. I love this…and your idea haha. If I had herpes I would totally go around and boink all those old guys. Suckers!

      PS – Thank you for sticking up for me up there. Very sweet of you. Xoxo

      Like

      • Anonymous December 13, 2012 at 10:40 am #

        Sure sister!!!! Dum Neanderthals…

        Like

  32. The Bumble Files December 13, 2012 at 2:20 am #

    Lauren, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I would have liked to tell your boss to go fuck himself. How could you NOT take that personally? That’s why this stuff perpetuates and goes on and on. I’m happy to see all the comments from men here, too. They need to be part of the conversation. Having an awareness around this issue should continue for as long as it takes! You think we would be farther along by now, but I guess not. Thank you for taking the time to write this post.

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 8:37 am #

      I’m really happy that they participated! There are some good men here, indeed. ;-)

      Like

  33. gingerfightback December 13, 2012 at 5:40 am #

    Thanks for sharing – it is strange how the phrase “you must earn respect” permeates so much of modern day culture when in fact we should treat people with respect the instant we meet them. Most men are bastards as well. Keen to objectify women because it hides their innate fear of them. Best wishes.

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 8:39 am #

      Wow that was very honest of you to say. I’m happy there are dudes like you out there!

      Like

      • gingerfightback December 13, 2012 at 8:44 am #

        We do exist – if you have a repressed Catholic upbringing you tend to learn a much better way to approach life very quickly.

        Like

  34. David Stewart December 13, 2012 at 8:32 am #

    I’m not sure I can say anything that hasn’t already been said in the comments, but yeah, you’re totally right. It’s easy for your boss to say “don’t take it personally” but I’m pretty sure he would take it personally if they came on to him like that. Not all guys are jerks but it seems a lot are. Sorry :(

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 8:41 am #

      No worries. There are a lot of them yes, but from this post I learned there are lot of great guys, too. I’m lucky to know you guys! Thanks for your comment!

      Like

  35. Julia Kovach December 13, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    Thank you for sharing your very personal and important story. Men know what they’re doing when they intimidate us in this way. Most times they do it with a smile on their faces knowing full well that we will be too stunned or confused to react. Even some of my male friends have done this to me. I call them ALL out on it. As intelligent women, we can find a way to call them out right on the spot, without looking “over-emotional” or “too sensitive”. The fat slobs need to be embarrassed in the presence of people they DO care about. Personally, I would use that phone number the guy gave you……call BEFORE 5:00! Thanks for sharing and hearing my rant! lol Take care and be well. xoJulia

    Like

  36. meg December 13, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    This post totally made my day. I’ve gotten the “Don’t take it personally” before…and while it’s true that it has nothing to do with ME (as you said, the one guy didn’t even ask your name–who you were didn’t matter), that’s kind of the point…making “don’t take it personally” almost a redundant, totally useless, and utterly dismissive statement. Being told not to take it personally is almost like it happening all over again. Yes yes, I do realize that this has NOTHING to do with WHO I AM. That was the point. Thank you for beating that one home.

    Like

  37. blogless wonder December 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    I agree with fathers talking with their sons about respecting women. I also believe in a little public shaming- and I hope any witnesses to the unwelcome behavior (friends or coworkers or even strangers) would back you up as you firmly but politely tell the boor off, should that happen again. Either that or laugh, pull out your phone, and say, “Oh this is hysterical! Would you mind saying that again? I’ve GOT to Facebook that!”

    Like

    • La La December 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

      A little public shaming never hurt anyone ;-). Great feedback, thank you so much for your comment!

      Like

  38. The Hook December 14, 2012 at 11:22 am #

    They say all great humor springs from pain, young lady. I realize you’ve been treated unfairly in the past, but you haven’t let it hold you back, Good for you.
    I’m very proud to know you.

    Like

  39. Kourtney Heintz December 18, 2012 at 8:33 pm #

    Thanks for posting this. Their behavior was completely inappropriate. I am so sorry you cried about it. But I am so glad you recognized how wrong they were. And you have every right to take it personally. How can you not? The should not be allowed to act that way at a work function. Honestly they shouldn’t act that way anywhere, but that’s another post I suppose.

    Like

  40. vyvacious December 25, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

    If I could like this post a million times, I would.

    Like

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