3 Jan

Here is where I guess it actually ends.

I never believed in anything until about seven months ago. I mean, I had hoped for things, but never truly believed in anything. Then someone I knew dearly and at one point loved romantically, died.

It rained buckets on the day of his funeral. I do not mean to be disrespectful when I say that the symbolism of this downpour was “appropriate,” but it was like we were in a movie or something. As we stood in the cemetery, the rain drenching us, I realized what many of us know but usually take for granted–life is short. Life is so short, we ought to be truly happy.

It is not that I was completely unhappy, but more that I was just existing. You may know this feeling. So, I took a chance and began believing in happiness. Over the weeks that followed, little things started happening, good things, so I continued to believe.

Soon I saw that the sparks of happiness were actually created by me and I realized that I was developing a new love for myself, too.

This week I faced a great difficulty and during this time it hit me that these two things, love for myself and happiness, will get me through anything.

So, here is where it ends. Fear, I mean. I am not afraid to continue down this path of happiness. I am not afraid to be in love. I am not afraid…what a wonderful feeling.

If you have not yet achieved this, you should take a chance and let the rain wash away fear for the sake of your own happiness, too.

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78 Responses to “”

  1. jayne January 3, 2013 at 4:55 pm #

    beautiful Lala

  2. Rincewind January 3, 2013 at 4:58 pm #

    So inspiring, embrace life and enjoy…

  3. The Bumble Files January 3, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

    I love it, La La. I’m soooo happy for you. Life IS short. Enjoy it. You deserve happiness!

  4. Kylie January 3, 2013 at 5:04 pm #

    Death is a good teacher.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 6:56 pm #

      It really is, and it’s unfortunate that some of only get that jolt after death.

      • Kylie January 3, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

        Luckily, I’ve had lots of reminders (dark humor there).

        I just wrote about a similar experience today. This isn’t shameless self-promotion; it’s just odd that we wrote about friends dying on the same day.

      • Kylie January 3, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

        Also, my daughter is reading over my shoulder and has decided to call you “La La Lilac.”

        • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

          Aw that’s very sweet, I like that name. :-)

  5. Carrie Rubin January 3, 2013 at 5:04 pm #

    We spend far too much time merely existing. Your new-found mantra makes for good advice.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

      Thank you, Carrie. Doing my best here to believe in it with all my heart.

  6. TJLubrano January 3, 2013 at 5:08 pm #

    You said it so beautifully La La and you’re so right. Life is too short to linger around dark clouds and fear.

    Always bring your own sunshine :)

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

      Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I appreciate you stopping by.

      • TJLubrano January 3, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

        Hugs to you!! I sat in the rain a while back (literally and metaphorically speaking) and your post really hit home. I’ve a big post waiting regarding my own happiness soon.

        • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:13 pm #

          I look forward to reading it!

  7. becca3416 January 3, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

    It is a hard thing to achieve La La. I am glad you have. You don’t NEED anyone or anything to perpetuate happiness. It is in your own hands.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

      I’ve got this…whether I realize right now or not!

  8. T. W. Dittmer January 3, 2013 at 5:39 pm #

    Very well done. :-)

    Go ahead. Be happy.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 5:51 pm #

      Thank you for sharing the post :-)

  9. davidhardingblogs January 3, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    So proud of you. And you are brave for posting such personal stuff. Thank you for making me happy today.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 5:51 pm #

      ::hugs:: ;-)

  10. Bob January 3, 2013 at 5:46 pm #

    Truly awesome post LaLa, confidence is contagious in a good way. Much better than needing a strong course of antibiotics! Proud of you!

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

      Happy to spread the love.

  11. Madame Weebles January 3, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    You are the best. THE BEST. And you’re going to be okay. More than okay, in fact. Because you know what? You already are.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 5:54 pm #

      Thank you for inspiring me! You rock.

  12. Maggie O'C January 3, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

    Go get ‘em girlie! You have pinpointed what was changing your life and it was you all along. Proud of you sweetie. xoxox

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 6:59 pm #

      Wasn’t easy, thank you for all your words!

      • Maggie O'C January 3, 2013 at 7:29 pm #

        Nothing worth having is come by easily.

  13. Le Clown January 3, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

    La La,
    It takes courage to choose a pink background for a blog. You are an inspiration.
    Le Clown

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

      Haha, thanks Eric. I try when I can.

  14. Jen and Tonic January 3, 2013 at 6:11 pm #

    I love this! I am working on my New Year’s Resolutions post (ugh, I’m late, I know) and the theme of it is very similar to this. I’ll make sure to link to this post.

    Here’s wishing you lots of love and happiness in the future :)

    • twindaddy January 3, 2013 at 6:25 pm #

      Jen, you slouch. You may as well not even post it now.

      • Jen and Tonic January 3, 2013 at 6:32 pm #

        Thanks for the encouragement. ASSHAT.

        • twindaddy January 3, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

          I have a feeling you just broke one of your resolutions. You’re welcome. You are now free for the rest of the year.

          • Jen and Tonic January 4, 2013 at 11:40 am #

            YES! I hate being imprisoned by self-improvement.

            • twindaddy January 4, 2013 at 1:26 pm #

              It truly is the suck.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

      Awesome! I wish you the same!! (and you aren’t a slouch haha)

  15. calahan January 3, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

    Thanks for sharing this, La La. It’s inspiring to read and heartwarming to know that you, someone whom I genuinely like, are experiencing this awareness.

  16. Lori DiNardi January 3, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

    Miss La La, thank you for sharing this. I think most of us need to be reminded this at times. I know I do. Good luck with whatever endeavor has you diving into happiness, unafraid. :-)

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 6:54 pm #

      Aw Lori thanks, I hope you had a wonderful holiday!

  17. twindaddy January 3, 2013 at 6:27 pm #

    La La, I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad that through it you found your path to happiness. Anything is bearable and happiness is always achievable with the right outlook. It appears that you now have it.

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 6:54 pm #

      Thanks, this means a lot to me. Best to you!

  18. Salman Alvi January 3, 2013 at 6:33 pm #

    A very happy and inspiring post!

  19. Brother Jon January 3, 2013 at 6:49 pm #

    Realizations like this are truly something special. It’s so nice to see post like this one…and especially this one. The feelings you’ve described are wonderful and a lot easier to come by than most people think. Thank you for being so inspiring. Keep it up!!

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

      Thanks for your help and inspiration, I am truly appreciative!

  20. Viciously Sweet January 3, 2013 at 6:59 pm #

    What a fabulous post my dearest La La!
    I’m sorry for your loss, but I am so in awe of how you found inspiration in it. Continue on being wonderful! And have the happiest year ever!

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:08 pm #

      Lauren, you’re a doll. Best wishes to you this year as well!

  21. Love and Lunchmeat January 3, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    This is beautiful La La. And life is too short to allow ourselves to wallow in misery. Hope 2013 brings nothing but good things for you!

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

      Agreed. the same to you!!!

  22. JWo January 3, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    Don’t be afraid La La… I know you are a lot stronger than you think.

    You will have love and happiness. It may not happen when you want it to happen, but it will happen. Have faith and keep smiling.

    Hang in there La La…

    • La La January 3, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

      J Wo, you are a help and inspiration. And kinda gross, but I’ll take it. ;-P

      • JWo January 3, 2013 at 8:22 pm #

        Thanks… wait, I’m gross?? haha… Well you DID see my hair all kicked up, so I guess I’ll give you that.

  23. paulina January 3, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

    bella. thanks for sharing the love!!! god bless your sweet friend. i hope there was a rainbow nearby. smiles.

  24. SocietyRed January 3, 2013 at 8:42 pm #

    La La,
    This post hit me.
    I know. I’ve been here.
    You are amazing and inspiring.
    Thank you for the reminder.

  25. stuffitellmysister January 3, 2013 at 8:56 pm #


  26. lifeofmack January 4, 2013 at 12:03 am #

    This is truly beautiful and insightful. I too have had the feeling of just existing. I a glad to hear that you have learned to create your own happiness. Sad how you got there but Yayy for you! :) love your blog

    • La La January 7, 2013 at 7:21 am #

      Thank you for this sweet comment! :-)

  27. mmkng January 4, 2013 at 2:34 am #

    La La,
    It’s somehow weird how people get to see things the way they are only naturally supposed to be only after losing someone dear. It took me the last 5 years and both parents dead before their 50s to realise that and I still think it was worth it.

    • La La January 7, 2013 at 7:21 am #

      Wow I am so sorry that happened. The new you has a new perspective, and while some days it super sucks, others it was worth the heartache. Xoxo

      • mmkng January 7, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

        La La,
        I couldn’t agree more. And it gets better in time.

  28. Maddie Cochere January 4, 2013 at 2:42 am #

    I am so happy to read this tonight, Lauren. You deserve this happiness. You deserve it. And I believe this is going to end very well – and with a new beginning. xoxoxoxoxo

    • La La January 7, 2013 at 7:19 am #

      Maddie, I’m hoping with every little fibre of my being!!! Thanks for your support.

  29. vyvacious January 4, 2013 at 3:46 am #

    What a powerful post. I was actually feeling the same kind of realizations as you very recently so this post is particularly poignant for me. I’m sorry for your loss.

    • La La January 7, 2013 at 7:18 am #

      Aww I hope you did!! This makes me happy.

  30. thelaundrywench January 4, 2013 at 7:25 am #

    Whew. Your opening sentence made me nervous. While we don’t know one another, it’s clear you deserve to be happy. I’m glad for you.

    • La La January 7, 2013 at 7:17 am #

      That’s what I was going for ;-)

  31. gingerfightback January 4, 2013 at 10:13 am #

    Well said – get livin!- watched the last series of The Wire – Omar is dead! – do you really, really live there? Happy New Year

    • La La January 6, 2013 at 11:10 am #

      Right? I live here. I totally do.

  32. The Hook January 6, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

    The future is yours, gorgeous! Enjoy!


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