Kevin – A Possible Book Preview

7 Feb

Some of you have asked for a preview of my collection of stories. It is not finalized, and I may not even include this one, but feedback is more than welcome. Let me know what you think.

_________

About four years ago I began seeing a guy named Kevin. He was younger than I was, which was a change of pace from my usual interest in older men. He had a “top secret government job,” which I thought sounded sexy and mysterious.

Kevin and I had a lot of fun together. I liked his preppy style. He was a typical party guy who loved drinking and socializing, which was perfect because I also happen to enjoy drinking and socializing.

Our first date was to a really fun bar in the city on a hot Tuesday night. It was a perfect date, really, even if we did get a bit too tipsy. He was tall and I loved his cute nose sunburn, and the way he looked into my eyes when he bent down and tucked my hair behind my ear before he kissed me.

I have to admit that I am such a sucker for a hot date on a summer night with some cold drinks. Who isn’t?

When it was over he dropped me off at my house and said he would call me the next day. When he did, he invited me to meet his parents out on Friday for happy hour, and then he and I would go out afterward. It sounded fun.

That Friday I wore a pretty blue dress my mom had bought me for “something special.” I was excited, and I’ll admit a bit nervous to meet his parents on only our second date.

Kevin picked me up and we met them at a bar on the water in Fells Point, a really cute area in Baltimore City. His parents, Phil and Viv, easily were two of the nicest, most fun people I have ever met. They were young, hip and everything I could have wanted on a date with parents…until his mother took out a nail file.

It could have been the effect of the beer, but I swear to you that I watched in slow motion as his mother reached over to her son and began filing his nails. My jaw dropped.

“He doesn’t keep up with his nails very well, does he?” she commented.

“Err, I hadn’t noticed,” I replied.

“Well, he doesn’t. He’s not very good with his room, either. You’ll have to push him to clean.”

The whole thing lasted only about three minutes, but I am telling you that it was such an odd moment that I couldn’t help but comment on it later. “Kev, does your mom always file your nails like that?”

“Yeah, she does, she’s kind of a control freak.”

I kind of wish I had run at that moment, but do you think we should we really judge people immediately about things like that? He was younger than me, after all. Maybe he was just a bit immature, or maybe I was just making up excuses. I didn’t know, I was just glad it was over.

He and I went to another bar and got food and more beers and somehow we thought it would be fun to make a bet that for every beer I drank, he could drink two in the same amount of time. It turned out that he could, but as you can imagine after my four pints and his eight, I ended up drunk and he ended up extremely drunk. We kept laughing and enjoying ourselves, though. He was such a fun guy to be around!

Afterward, we decided to walk back to his house, hand in well-manicured hand. He lived about seven blocks from where we were and at block three he started picking up the pace.

“Why are we rushing?” I inquired, doubling my step to keep up.

“Sorry, I have to use the bathroom.” My roommates are out, so when we get inside just make yourself at”…and then, my friends, he pooped his pants.

Right then and there, Kevin farted and pooped his pants.

I got a cab home.

We never talked again.

58 Responses to “Kevin – A Possible Book Preview”

  1. Susan Vasko February 7, 2013 at 1:09 pm #

    Ummmm why would this NOT be in the book?

    From Susan’s iPhone

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

      So, it’s good enough? Haha

      Like

    • Carrie Rubin February 7, 2013 at 1:28 pm #

      Haha! My thoughts exactly!

      Enjoyed reading it, La La. At the same time, I’m praying this will never be my son…

      Like

      • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:41 pm #

        Don’t file his nails and tell him that if he gets rumbly in his tumbly to use the bathroom prior to leaving the bar…and don’t drink 8 beers on his second date and so on.

        Like

        • Carrie Rubin February 7, 2013 at 1:59 pm #

          Excellent mothering tips. :)

          Like

          • La La February 7, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

            From a woman who swears up and down that she will never be one, haha.

            Like

  2. Mooselicker February 7, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

    You’re cruel. Kevin’s gross.

    If I can give you any recommendation I’d say to get a little more detailed, it goes back to the whole “show don’t tell” philosophy. Not that you probably didn’t plan on going into more detail or anything. I’d like to know more about Kevin to feel more sympathetic toward him. Just my two cents but keep in mind I get very wordy and I always add in every detail I can.

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

      Nice feedback, thank you. I hope most of the things in this book will make everyone slightly uncomfortable, if nothing else.

      Like

      • Mooselicker February 7, 2013 at 1:28 pm #

        Is that your mission? Then get as detailed as possible. I have a great detailed memory so I always do this and I believe it makes people feel like they’re there more and they hurt as much as Kevin does.

        Let me know if you want me to look over anything else. I think you have a very interesting story on your hands and it seems similar to a few stuff I’ve written which means I’d actually be interested in reading your take on awkward life moments.

        Like

        • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

          My life is one big awkward moment. Thank you. I will do that.

          Like

        • Pixie Girl February 11, 2013 at 11:02 am #

          If I may chip in, not that I was missing it here, but I also was told ages ago that people rather like reading about thoughts and feelings (whatever they are) more than a recap of events.

          Again, not that this happened here, and I *loved* your intro, and that’s actually it – that you were normally dating different guys… or how you felt about the parents etc… just stating the advice I was given that I’m trying to keep in mind when writing ;)

          ps. Poor guy. Can happen to anyone. (I really hope not…)

          Like

          • Mooselicker February 11, 2013 at 11:05 am #

            I agree with Pixie Girl who managed to convey what I meant in more clearer words. High details mean discussing your feelings. Teamwork!

            Like

  3. JWo February 7, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

    ANYTIME someone poops their pants, especially in another person’s presence, it is book worthy. ;)

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:19 pm #

      Good point. Poor Kevin.

      Like

  4. rich February 7, 2013 at 1:17 pm #

    Do you usually meet parents after one date? Seems kinda quick.

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

      Very quick. Agreed. I was 24, what did I know? I’m 28…what do I know?

      Like

  5. becca3416 February 7, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

    I think we are writing the same book.

    Like

  6. rheath40 February 7, 2013 at 1:41 pm #

    Oh my Gawd. I’m dying. I think I pooped myself reading your story. Please add it to your book. Please!

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

      Sorry, should have suggested that you sit on the toilet whilst reading.

      Like

      • rheath40 February 7, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

        It was a good story. So sorry it happened to you though. It’s a jungle out there. Think I’ll stay in and write a story.

        Like

  7. Lori D February 7, 2013 at 2:12 pm #

    Did not see that one coming. Giggle, giggle giggle giggle. Can’t stop laughing. That’s even worse than my friend’s date back in the day. It happened to be a hot summer day, and she wore her white short shorts. It happened to be that time of the month. Need I say more? BTW, you mentioned that you’d like to read my short story about the time I made a fool out of myself when I met my football hero. It’s in my short story anthology which is on Amazon.com. The title is Rome, Home, and Meatballs. The story ultimately ends up being about bonding with my father over sports. This story you posted here would also make a good short for an anthology of your funny experiences.

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

      That’s perfect, that’s just the kind of response I was hoping to get on this. Thank you. I will check it out. You’re awesome.

      Like

  8. happyzinny February 7, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

    It might be funny to read the story from Kevin’s point of view- or maybe have the POV shift back and forth between you. Poor guy must still be cringing when he remembers the day you jumped into a cab and out of his life forever!
    Congrats on writing your book! Will it be dating stories and/or crazy life adventures?

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

      Dating stories. Bad ones. I have a few. ;-)

      Thanks for the suggestions!

      Like

      • happyzinny February 7, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

        Well in that case, I don’t know how you can leave the poopy pants guy out! Best of luck, La La!

        Like

        • La La February 7, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

          You’re very sweet. Thank you!

          Like

    • fthemeeuqw February 27, 2013 at 10:58 pm #

      KdIWHB defipzpwrdzo

      Like

  9. davidhardingblogs February 7, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

    It’s so bad its good.

    Like

  10. J. Michael Wright February 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

    Oh my god. You have to add this to the book. Also, you really didn’t see him after that? I mean, it’s embarrassing but it happens when you drink to ridiculous levels. Poor guy. lol!

    Like

    • La La February 7, 2013 at 3:39 pm #

      So I think he was super embarrassed. I did text him a couple days later but never heard back haha. Poor Kevin.

      Like

      • J. Michael Wright February 7, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

        Shit his pants. Lost amazing girl. Can’t get worse than that. lol

        Like

      • Carmen February 25, 2013 at 7:36 am #

        - Great photos Aaron! We’re so exiectd to work with you again! Heather & Kevin, we’re looking forward to your Special Day, and are exiectd you have chosen the Red Horse Barn as your wedding venue!

        Like

  11. gingerfightback February 7, 2013 at 3:48 pm #

    Poor Lad – spend a bit more time on the mother – she’s the fulcrum in this story.

    Like

  12. calahan February 7, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

    Honestly, I would like to hear more. While his accident is the big payoff, I would like to hear about what happened afterwards. I want to see that moment when this all went down, both of your reactions. Did you immediately leave or did he try to continue the date as though nothing had happened? This seems dryer somehow, has less of the LaLa voice about it. Try telling it as though LaLa were telling it to her best friend the next day over drinks.

    My three cents.

    Like

    • La La February 8, 2013 at 10:30 am #

      Thanks, this is really helpful. I felt the same way about my voice because I think I try too hard even though it is a true story. I feel like having to add things to the memory of it loses the “me” in it and I am fighting myself about it. I will, however, add what you’ve suggested. Thank you.

      Like

      • calahan February 8, 2013 at 11:08 am #

        It’s a working draft, so all you can do is improve it. :)

        Like

      • Pixie Girl February 11, 2013 at 11:05 am #

        Somehow giving feedback is stressing me out.

        But in my opinion, you ended it perfectly. A punchy line is all that’s needed in a short story. Keep it!

        #alwaysthedissentingvoice

        Like

  13. RFL February 7, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    Um yeah this should go in a book! The nail filing alone makes a great story, but some of the best/worst drinking stories end in poop. My mind is blown!

    Like

    • La La February 8, 2013 at 10:27 am #

      Haha I am glad you think so. You are always down with a good fart or poop story.

      Like

  14. Madame Weebles February 7, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

    I absolutely think this could be in the book!

    Like

    • La La February 8, 2013 at 10:28 am #

      Thank you, I look forward to you reading the rest of it!

      Like

  15. Maddie Cochere February 7, 2013 at 9:18 pm #

    Definitely a “must include,” La La! :-)

    Like

    • La La February 8, 2013 at 10:28 am #

      Thanks Maddie, that means a lot of me coming from you!

      Like

  16. Dee Dee February 8, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    How have I never heard this story?? hehehehe

    Like

  17. David Stewart February 9, 2013 at 1:08 am #

    You have a wonderful way of telling stories. Seems fit for a book.

    Like

  18. Pigeon Heart February 9, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

    red flag. never agree to meet parents w/in first few months. never!

    Like

  19. The Hook February 12, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    Horrible – but in a good way!

    Like

  20. Sandee February 13, 2013 at 2:35 am #

    Oh crap! Ahahaha! Yes, please put this in your short story collection. I enjoyed reading it.

    Like

  21. paulasg75 January 24, 2014 at 9:36 pm #

    YES!! I love this! My dates all seem so boring now.

    Like

  22. Sean Smithson January 25, 2014 at 6:37 am #

    Oh man, that’s probably worse than what happened to me?! But, even if it wasn’t for that, the whole nail filing thing would’ve been an issue down the road…

    So are you doing a dating disasters, short stories collection then? I’m definitely in.

    Like

    • La La January 25, 2014 at 1:10 pm #

      I think a lot of it will be that, yes, but (thankfully) I don’t have enough stories for a book. So I am doing random ones in there as well. Just a book of unrelated stories, really.

      Like

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