Tips for Ladies

28 Feb

Sometimes I like to share tips with the ladies. Today, I would like to touch base with you on some things that make me a very attractive woman. Perhaps you will benefit if you try these things too…whether you are single, trying to keep the passion alive in your current relationship or just trying to feel really good about yourself.

1. Like cool music. Today I was late for work today because I was listening to Phil Collins. I was late yesterday because I was listening to Toto. On Sunday night, I was listening to Tom Jones. Also, I once drove 4 hours to see Asia in concert.
 
Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.34 AM
 
2. Wear something sexy to bed every night. I wear this to bed and boys probably love it:
 
tobed
 
3. Wear pretty jewelry that accents your arm hair. I caught my arm hair in my bracelet this morning and now there is a big red mark. Perfect! When I get home this evening there are bound to be some boys in my yard, if not all of them.

4. Have classy dinners. Here is mine from last night. It’s pizza and wine in a bag that I drank from the spigot:
 
pizza
 
5. Leave a ring of ankle hair and just a tiny bit of toe hair on one foot. If you have a significant other, he will not only stay for breakfast, but also second breakfast and even elevenses.

6. Wear an intoxicating scent. Right now I have on “menthol” from the Biofreeze pain relief line. Men will ask, “what is that putrid stench?” and you will smile with confidence, knowing that it is you.

7. Drink coffee from a designer mug. This is my mug:
 

420280_10100792630524055_2016540494_n

I know.


 
8. Do a dance when you are nervous. I do the robot.

9. Have an intense, boisterous guffaw as your laugh. You’ve heard mine in my videos. Guys seem to really like it a lot.

10. Always carry an extra thong in your bag just in case there’s a chance of you getting sexy with someone tonight…or in case you pee a little while laughing.

78 Responses to “Tips for Ladies”

  1. Carrie Rubin February 28, 2013 at 2:45 pm #

    Wow, this is far too much sexy for me to pull off. But I’ll do my best. I already have the pajamas, and I can dance a pretty scary mamba. But I don’t think I’ll ever master your taste in music…

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:46 pm #

      YOU LOVE MY TASTE IN MUSIC, OKAY?

      Like

      • Carrie Rubin February 28, 2013 at 2:50 pm #

        Ooh, even your loud voice is sexy. I have so much to learn.

        Like

  2. Pixie Girl February 28, 2013 at 2:46 pm #

    OH GOD I needed this advice.
    I shall start carrying an extra thong in my bag and where can I get wine in a BAG?!

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

      Remove the bag of wine from the box. Believe or not, that bag holds four BOTTLES of wine. FOUR! That will last you at least two nights.

      Like

      • Pixie Girl February 28, 2013 at 2:51 pm #

        What? How HUGE is that pizza?!!!

        I thought that was like wine for one, you know, on your commute back from work ;)

        Like

        • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm #

          The pizza is 16 inches. Insert sex joke here.

          Like

          • Pixie Girl February 28, 2013 at 3:10 pm #

            Well 16 inches is too much even for me.

            *BAM!*

            Like

            • La La February 28, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

              BAM, indeed!

              Like

          • Madame Weebles March 2, 2013 at 5:46 pm #

            The trick is to eat it slowly so your stomach has time to adjust to the size.

            Like

            • La La March 4, 2013 at 10:18 am #

              HAHAHA

              Like

  3. rheath40 February 28, 2013 at 2:46 pm #

    I actually giggle and then snort like a pig.It’s so damn sexy. Of course now I’m humming the song, My Milkshake. Thanks for that. NOT! Giggle, snort!

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

      The giggle snort is a fine choice, Renee. A fine choice indeed.

      Like

  4. Susan Vasko February 28, 2013 at 2:48 pm #

    Keepin it classy Baltimore

    From Susan’s iPhone

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:49 pm #

      Susan, I will have a bag waiting for you on Saturday night.

      Like

  5. twindaddy February 28, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    Nice mug. And I still like the boxers.

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:55 pm #

      My tartan boxers bring all the boys to the yard.

      Like

      • twindaddy February 28, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

        If I knew where your yard was I’d totally be there.

        Like

  6. aparnauteur February 28, 2013 at 2:54 pm #

    My laughter is anything but timid and so not feminine, but I keep saying to myself that throaty laughs attract the most attention. Now I have you to second that. I have yet to try the spigot drinking experience though!

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

      I’d love to hear it, it’s probably perfect.

      Like

  7. The Waiting February 28, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

    I should have read these when I was dating. I could have gotten my husband to the alter a lot faster. BTW, for some reason, the title of this is really cracking me up.

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

      They’re just the tips…for ladies. Don’t worry, you can still use this as a reference in case things get dull.

      Like

  8. Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher February 28, 2013 at 3:04 pm #

    It’s always attractive to laugh really hard and fart on ‘accident’

    Like

  9. cristaramone February 28, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

    Lol neat way of sending a message without being cliche. Nice!

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

      I do my best. Thank you for stopping by!

      Like

  10. becca3416 February 28, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    Aww I happen to like your laugh.

    I can support the extra thong thing. The one I put in my purse two years ago is still in there in the same spot! Umm, so yeah, maybe I shouldn’t support that one. Or I am doing it wrong. Must mean I need more menthol. Will menthol cigarette musk work?

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

      Aw thank you. And yes, that will work fine! That thong needs to be put to use.

      Like

  11. The Bumble Files February 28, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

    La La..thank you. I love Toto! I haven’t heard that name in a long time. “Hold the Line.” You’re too sexy for words.

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

      Yes, I love that song. I think I know what you’re going to listen to later, lady. Stay sexy.

      Like

  12. The Cutter February 28, 2013 at 3:32 pm #

    Any chance we can get some video of you doing the robot?

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 4:06 pm #

      There is a possibility of this in the future. Stay tuned.

      Like

  13. The Other Category February 28, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

    Ankle and toe hair is sexy, why didn’t I ever think to leave it? Gosh, I swear I can be so stupid sometimes!

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 4:05 pm #

      You’ll know for next time, right?

      Like

  14. Adrienne schmadrienne February 28, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

    Excellent fucking tips! I haven’t done the bladder of wine yet but I do have a sweet “Redrum” mug that people tend to like. Oh and the toe hair. Yea, it’s awesome. I like to leave one hair just above my ankle going. It’s like this one defiant hair – so plucky and spirited.

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 4:05 pm #

      Holy shit, your ankle hair and mine need to hang out. I saw your mug and I LOVE it.

      Like

  15. happyzinny February 28, 2013 at 4:06 pm #

    I am wearing Sore Throat Spray scent and believe me, it’s very hard to type while beating away all the boys who are attracted by Cloroseptic.

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

      Yes, yes, yes. We should write a witty book full of tips for all the ladies.

      Like

      • happyzinny February 28, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

        I think La La’s Sexy Tips For Sexy Ladies will be your first best-seller! (Just make sure it comes packaged with a bonus CD.)

        Like

  16. Someone Else February 28, 2013 at 4:24 pm #

    Ahh, we are alike in our sexiness in more ways than even I would like to admit.

    You’re tops.

    Like

  17. Monk Monkey February 28, 2013 at 4:24 pm #

    Haha! We call flip flops thongs! Haha!
    That is all.

    Like

    • La La February 28, 2013 at 6:44 pm #

      Hahahaha, that changes things. What do you call underwear?

      Like

      • stephrogers February 28, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

        Thongs go on your feet, g-string goes up your bum. Welcome to straya mate!

        Like

  18. Viciously Sweet February 28, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

    Read this while looking down at my arm hair that my bracelet ripped off yesterday.
    We sound so similar! This morning I was distracted by “Fantasy” by Mariah Carey and got into work late. It was totally worth it for 4 minutes my car experienced summer, imaginary rollerblading, and crimped hair memories.
    Thanks for making me giggle :)

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 11:05 am #

      You and I would have fun, I honestly believe that. Just two Laurens having a good time. I often look at your posts and think it!!! Fantasy is amazing roller coaster of fun that I would also sing/enjoy in the car. I approve.

      Like

  19. Cat Forsley February 28, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

    OMG —— Pure genius …………………………… In love with It alllllllll :)

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 11:07 am #

      :)

      I saw you on Facebook the other day. You’re so pretty!

      Like

      • Cat Forsley March 1, 2013 at 11:14 am #

        oh gimme a break – lol as if prettiness counts – but thank You – add me xxxx

        Like

  20. Jen and Tonic March 1, 2013 at 12:19 am #

    I need that wine bag in my life.

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 11:06 am #

      1. Buy a box. 2. Remove the bag from the box. 3. Maybe hook it up to an IV thing from the hospital?

      Like

      • Jen and Tonic March 1, 2013 at 11:30 am #

        You’re a genius. I’ve always just held the box over my mouth and poured it that way. If it’s just the bag people will stop telling me to go to rehab because it’ll look more medicinal.

        Like

        • La La March 1, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

          People can shut the hell up, already. We’ll do what we want and drink as much as we want!!!! God.

          Like

  21. Lori D March 1, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    That ankle and toe hair makes the boys want to rub your feet for you too! Great tips, Miss La La. I already do a few of those. I’ll add the rest and be irresistible.

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 11:07 am #

      Lori, you’re already irresistible, are you kidding!!!? Especially if you already have the ankle hair down.

      Like

  22. gingerfightback March 1, 2013 at 10:49 am #

    Sweet Jesus – Asia?

    Like

  23. kenthinksaloud March 1, 2013 at 10:50 am #

    Probably the sexiest post this side of internet porn ;)
    nos 4 & 7 were genuine LOL moments for me – thank you. Such moments are precious to me :)

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

      I am glad to hear it. Thanks for stopping by, Ken!

      Like

  24. Gus Sanchez March 1, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

    4 hours to see Asia? Was that a decision made in the…heat of the moment? BA-DUM-DUM!

    Like

  25. calahan March 1, 2013 at 12:57 pm #

    Are you wearing a cast on your arm?

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 12:58 pm #

      Yes I have to wear it at night. My ulnar nerve is mad that I’m a writer.

      Like

  26. The Hook March 1, 2013 at 2:40 pm #

    You may be the perfect woman!
    Seriously, don’t tell my wife, but i think you’re as close to perfection as a gal should be!

    Like

    • La La March 1, 2013 at 5:17 pm #

      Aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

      Like

  27. pivoine68 March 1, 2013 at 11:27 pm #

    I always drink wine box wine from the spigot too…that way you never miss a drop! Great tip about the thong underwear too! Thanks Miss La La!

    Bisous,
    Dawn

    Like

  28. Madame Weebles March 2, 2013 at 5:49 pm #

    I’m so proud to have one of my tweets featured on your post. I also have a very undainty laugh. It’s more of a cackle. And if I’m REALLY laughing, the snorting is a sure thing. It’s SO HOT. But I need to remember about the ring of ankle hair; my beauty regimen usually involves leaving a strip of hair going upwards on the side of my shin. It’s sexy, but not in the hair ankle bracelet kind of way. I appreciate your tips here. Even though I’m married, there’s no reason for me not to work it.

    Like

  29. Andrew March 4, 2013 at 8:28 pm #

    All awesomeness. But question, have you seen the Phil Collins “Easy Lover” video? So good. And the “Against All Odds” video is also gold.

    Like

  30. Christopher De Voss May 10, 2013 at 8:35 am #

    My laugh draws the ladies in as well. It’s kind of a mixture between a high pitched girl and a slow witted puppy. We should go see a comedian together.

    Like

  31. Anonymous August 8, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    Got dat cast, doe.

    Like

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