My Boobs

22 Mar

When I was a teenager, I was so embarrassed by my large chest that my mom and I used to strap them into two very tight bras to hide their bounty. We were successful to a certain degree, but as an athletic girl playing lacrosse, soccer, basketball and field hockey, someone was bound to notice them bounding about and finally one day a bitchy girl on my lacrosse team called me “thunder tits.” At that time I was a 14-year-old girl with a DD cup.

When I was 23 years old, I was 5’3 and a FFF cup. That size is hard to imagine now that I am a large D cup, but I am telling you those things were so huge that I couldn’t see over them. They were so giant that I was able to use them as a pillow on airplanes or long car rides. Once, I found a pretzel lodged between them and I hadn’t eaten pretzels for over six hours.

And people, oh my god, don’t even get me started on boob sweat.

When my shoulders were noticeably suffering and sleeping became a chore, finally I decided to get a breast reduction. I was looking forward to the health benefits, sure, but I mostly wanted not to look like a porn star when I put on a dress or bathing suit.

The surgeon removed eleven pounds of boobage from my body. He said it was possible that I would never regain feeling in my breasts, but I didn’t care. Having surgery was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, especially because I can fit into normal clothes and sometimes guys even talk to my face. It took a long time to get used to my body after the experience, but I am much more confident now than I ever was in the past.

I still couldn’t feel much and my nipples remained almost completely unresponsive until last week when there was a new development. My friend Kara noticed my nipples got hard almost immediately when I saw that my boyfriend had surprised me with flowers. Two days later, I ate some really good cheese and they got hard again (I guess I really love flowers and cheese).

Tonight, if you go out, I’d like for you to have a drink or quiet thought in honor of boobs. If you’re up for it, why not stare at some boobs and make a stranger, your friend, wife, girlfriend or mom really uncomfortable? If you have permission, I think you should probably touch some boobs, too. It will be fun!

Boobs are a sexy, important part of life and for me they were a total pain in the ass, but I’m excited they are finally getting back into the groove of things.

Yay boobs!

81 Responses to “My Boobs”

  1. The Waiting March 22, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

    Boob sweat is the worst. Finding a pretzel in your boobs is pretty awesome, but not when you’re having a boob sweat moment. I will toast to your boobs tonight!

    Like

    • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

      I will toast to yours! Also, depending on the intensity of the sweat I guess it would help with saltiness. Maybe not. Just saying….? Have a good weekend.

      Like

  2. Carrie Rubin March 22, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

    I saw the title of this post in my inbox, and I didn’t even have to see the name of the blogger before I knew whose post it was. And I wasn’t disappointed. When I have a beer tonight to celebrate the start of my spring break, I will say a little toast to your bosom.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin March 22, 2013 at 3:32 pm #

      Ha! I just saw that Emily said she’d toast to your bosom, too. You’ll be feeling the love all night long.

      Like

      • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

        Lots of love for my boobs tonight, apparently. Enjoy your spring break, my dear!

        Like

  3. Frivolous Monsters March 22, 2013 at 3:34 pm #

    Oh what could have been… Great news La La, and a very heartfelt blog post!

    Like

  4. becca3416 March 22, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

    I will totally dedicate my first drink of this Friday night to your boobs, my boobs, to all boobs. I always thought I could use just a little more, you know like one cup size up and I would be set. But it’s okay, because I have an ass out of this world. You can’t have it all ;). I am also happy about your nipples.

    Like

    • Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher March 22, 2013 at 3:41 pm #

      Me too – about the nips – but I’ll believe you have an out of the world ass

      Like

    • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

      Well, I will have a drink for your ass, too, just because I can. Thank you for the kind words about my nipples.

      Like

  5. happinessisnotadisease March 22, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

    Yay for your boobies! :D :D :D And FFF?!?? Can you even look at your toes when you’re really standing straight? You’ve really made me thankful I only have a B.

    Like

    • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

      No. I was absolutely unable to see my feet. Be thankful for those B’s!

      Like

  6. Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher March 22, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    I love you Sister – we are from the same boob family. let me tell ya, my nips turn on at the blink of an eye. (my husband loves to make my ‘lights go on’ and one will come on but not the other sometimes..and I remember the nerves regenerating and having my chest sort of jump around).. I don’t like it that much – but it’s better than lugging around the extra boob-baggage – but I never had a pretzel lodged in them… and I never went past a DD – so I feel for you. Breast reduction WAS the best thing going. CONGRATULATIONS! My story is below iffen you’re inclined.

    https://themercenaryresearcher.wordpress.com/2012/08/19/loss-of-what/

    Like

    • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:49 pm #

      Haha my righty is a little quicker than the lefty, it seems. Checking out your post now. :)

      The lighter feeling is nice!

      Like

  7. twindaddy March 22, 2013 at 3:45 pm #

    I’m not gonna lie, when I saw this email in my inbox I thought I had been spammed. I should’ve know it was you.

    Like

    • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:48 pm #

      Ta da!

      Like

      • twindaddy March 22, 2013 at 3:57 pm #

        Mesa not surprised!

        Like

        • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

          I AM NOT JAR JAR BINKS!

          Like

          • twindaddy March 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

            LMAO

            Like

          • twindaddy March 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

            FYI, I’m laughing my ass off over here…

            Like

            • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

              Hatttteee yooooouuu.

              Like

            • twindaddy March 22, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

              Awwwwww……..you don’t mean that.

              Like

            • La La March 22, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

              Hmph.

              Like

            • twindaddy March 22, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

              Ok, well maybe you do. Good thing for me you’re so far away.

              BTW, you’re cute when you’re mad.

              Like

  8. rheath40 March 22, 2013 at 3:49 pm #

    Oh my dear you made my day with your post. I used to be quite the booby girl myself. I wore a D cup by the time I hit 5th grade. It sucked. When I was pregnant I wore a freaking H cup. I swear my boobs hit the door before I could reach the handle. It made for quite the pain in the well, boobs! For me, age and weight loss deflated them. I’m okay with it though. I promise that I will take a few moments to ponder your boobs tonight. So happy for the nipple perks. May they rise when the boyfriend touches them sometime soon. Wink, wink.

    Like

    • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:51 pm #

      AN H CUP! You just blew my mind.

      Like

      • rheath40 March 22, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

        Oh it was so fantastic. NOT!

        Like

        • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

          I feel the heaviness right now just thinking about it!

          Like

          • rheath40 March 22, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

            Oh yeah it was great. My belly was huge and so were my boobs. I was so damn hot looking.

            Like

            • La La March 22, 2013 at 3:57 pm #

              One more reason I will never have children!

              Like

            • rheath40 March 22, 2013 at 4:06 pm #

              Believe me, I understand.

              Like

  9. Katie March 22, 2013 at 4:29 pm #

    Hooray!
    I had average C’s when I was overweight, and since losing weight they pretty much disappeared and now I’m an A. Some days I’m very jealous of anyone with cleavage, but other days I’m satisfied with my itty bitties.

    Like

  10. Jen and Tonic March 22, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

    This post is my jam. I swear you wrote it just for me.

    *wipes boob sweat*

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 10:21 am #

      Guess we should be glad we don’t live in the south. :)

      Like

  11. Madame Weebles March 22, 2013 at 4:55 pm #

    Me and my G-cups salute you and your boobs. I enjoy catching pretzels and popcorn in there, it’s always good to have a snack for later. And don’t even get me started on the boob sweat. But there’s nothing worse than having your headlights on at inopportune times, and having everyone notice. Eccch.

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 10:21 am #

      Um yes, and my headlights appreciate cheese, I guess. G cups!!!!!!! Daaaaamnnnn.

      Like

  12. The Bumble Files March 22, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

    La La, I’m so happy you got the breast reduction you wanted and that it made a difference in your life. That’s wonderful!! Oh, even better, that they are back in action so to speak. I personally go gaga for flowers and cheese. I like your style, miss! I’ve always been on the smallish side, but my sister was troubled by large breasts. Like you, they caused her a lot of physical pain. I think she may still want the surgery.

    Did you happen to catch my boobs’ post? There’s a couple of jokes here that you might enjoy. It’s: http://thebumblefiles.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/theres-nothing-a-few-boob-jokes-cant-cure/

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 10:22 am #

      Going to read right now….god bless boobs. Your sister should consider it! It was definitely one of the best decisions I have ever made.

      Like

  13. Monk Monkey March 22, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

    Thank gosh my teenage boobs turned into masculine pecs. These appendages are quite the bother.

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 10:25 am #

      HAHA. You’re so manly!

      Like

  14. Carr Party of Five March 22, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

    Dearest BaBa.,
    OopS!!! I meant LaLa!!!! I’ve got BBBBBBBoobs on the brain now!!! ahhaha!!!
    I wasn’t anything like your DD’s as a kid, but..when your friends are flat as a pancake, and you have some lovely C’s that incidently, a senior in highschool told me she was totally jealous of ( AWKWARD when you are only 10)….I wished those girls were just GONE, baby GONE.
    So, I sort of get your pain, but on the other hand, I really can’t imagine F’s!!! Sweet baby Jesus, girl.
    I’m so glad they are more manageable now!!! And Bonus..they’re ….ALIVE!!!!!
    yaya!! :)
    Love, LIs
    xoox

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 10:27 am #

      Hahaha, yes all my friends were like whaaaaaat, so I feel you there. I’ve missed you, hope you’re well!

      Like

  15. Bob March 22, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    Hooray for boobies! Big or small we boys love em all! :-D

    Like

  16. Not Quite Alice March 22, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    Lots of drinks for you, though it will just be water.
    Though I understand completely. I’ve been debating this decision myself for a while. I’m 5’5″ and DD, always hurting in my back, I feel like I’m falling at times. I completely support your decision and HUGS!! Feelings are coming back, party time!

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 12:58 pm #

      See a few doctors for a consultation first. That helped me a lot! And thank you :)

      Like

      • Not Quite Alice March 24, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

        You’re welcome. :) And as soon as my insurance kicks in, I’m planning on it.

        Like

  17. Lori D March 22, 2013 at 8:32 pm #

    I found that interesting, and can’t imagine how uncomfortable that was for you. I’m 4’11 and always liked the size of mine for my frame. Although, I would’ve loved to have been even your height, but not your ex-boob-size. Eleven pounds! Yikes! I’m so glad you did what you felt was best. Yay, for the return of La La’s, ta-ta’s. I already had my glass of wine tonight, but I’ll toast them over the weekend. Thanks for sharing that story.

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

      Haha La La’s ta-ta’s should have been the title of this!!!!! Glad to read about someone who is happy with what they have. I mean sometimes a change in necessary, but other times we can be so critical of ourselves.

      Like

      • Lori D March 24, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

        Oh, I’m critical of many things, one being that I would love to be taller. My boobs would’ve been small for many people’s standards, but I’M small, so they suit my frame. I think most of us are critical on ourselves for some reason or another, and I don’t know the cure for that one. I think getting older is opening my eyes some. Wrinkles are starting to become an issue. So I’m figuring that once the sagging skin takes completely over, I’ll be wishing I could go back to what I had before. Too bad we don’t realize this before it’s too late.

        Like

  18. twinklysparkles March 22, 2013 at 11:31 pm #

    Happy boobs! I got teased first for having too-small boobs (by whose standard, those bastard middle-school boys?) and then got teased for them being “too big” by high school. I was never more than a C cup, but I think I was a generous C and when you’re skinnier, they look bigger.

    Now they are the strangest shape and they shrink at times. I always wished they were smaller and I cursed them, then when they got smaller after I had my babies, I cursed that.

    I think celebrating them in whatever shape and size is appropriate. Thanks for making this a post about celebrating tits.

    Thanks for swinging by my blog lately. I am FINALLY adding you to my blog roll. I do enjoy your posts!

    twinkly

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

      Yeah! I love this comment. Let’s just celebrate some boobs, ya know? And thank YOU for stopping by. Middle school boys can rot, PS. I hate them.

      Like

  19. pivoine68 March 23, 2013 at 12:11 am #

    I have an empty B cup….Cheers! ;)

    Bisous La La!
    Dawn

    Like

  20. Andrew March 23, 2013 at 1:39 am #

    I’m just glad your happy. Go team.

    Like

  21. merbear74 March 23, 2013 at 8:46 am #

    Yay boobs. I am a D cup, and I absolutely hate boob sweat.

    Like

  22. David Stewart March 23, 2013 at 11:24 am #

    I’ll have a drink in honor of boobs. What’s not to like, right? (except the whole aforementioned boob sweat thing, which hopefully I’ll never experience)

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 11:47 am #

      Here’s hoping you don’t ever have to experience such things.

      Like

  23. purplemary54 March 23, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

    I’ve found little pieces of chocolate that have melted into a mess sometimes. I use my endowments as a shelf for my books or tea sometimes. They get in the way (and boob sweat is beyond uncomfortable), but I’ve learned to like the girls. What drives me nuts is that one is just a bit bigger than the other.

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 11:59 am #

      Mine was bigger on one side before, haha. And I have totally experienced the melted chocolate!!!

      Like

  24. Peaches March 23, 2013 at 5:42 pm #

    Ugh! I want this surgery SOOOOO bad. I’ve got 38HH twins on a 5’1″ frame over here. I can’t honestly remember what it feels like *not* to have tightness, if not excruciating pain, somewhere in my shoulders, neck, or back. I’m trying the weight loss thing first, because I’ve heard that can help, and well…I’ve definitely got some weight to lose. I’m fine with anything up to a DDD, but after that, things start to get to be a bit much.

    If weight loss doesn’t work, I think I’ll still have my kids first because I want to be able to breast feed (I’ve read reductions can mess with your mammory glands), but after that, these chest mountains are getting sucked out-liposuction style.

    I’m admit I’m still concerned about the lack of sensation because…well…um…it can be fun, but there are lots of things that are fun and they will become more possible when I don’t have to plan and allow room for my chest.

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

      DAAMN! If you decide to have the surgery, I think it will make you very happy and relieved. I lost weight first, which helped me, but when the boobs still stayed I knew it was time. The surgery has changed a bit and I know the feeling leaves for awhile, but I am very happy it’s coming back! I’d be interested to find out if you ever decide to get it!

      Like

  25. MissFourEyes March 24, 2013 at 8:21 am #

    I’ll have a drink in honor of your boobs, and the all boobs of the world. I used to be a fatty and mine shrunk after I lost all the weight. Oh well. Boobs are still boobs!

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 10:02 am #

      Boobs is boobs, and at least they shrunk. I had a few extra lbs on me and they didn’t go away when the rest of the weight did!

      Like

  26. Adam S March 24, 2013 at 12:53 pm #

    My nipples get hard when I eat cheese too! I’m such a cheese whore…

    Like

    • La La March 24, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

      Twinsies!!!

      Like

      • Adam S March 24, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

        pun intended??

        Like

        • La La March 24, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

          Good call. Not originally, which makes me think that subconciously I knew it was happening. Regardless, this is humor. This.

          Like

    • calahan March 24, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

      I like cheese, but I don’t necessarily love cheese. This has led to me having to fake a “reaction” at several wine and cheese shops. I’m so worried about offending the cheese, ya know?

      Like

      • La La March 25, 2013 at 10:44 am #

        That’s fair, you don’t want to hurt the cheese. It has done so much for us. It does a lot for me, anyway.

        Like

  27. Kathleen March 25, 2013 at 12:37 am #

    You cheese whore! I can’t believe you are going to tell us ALL about your great boobs, (before and after) and not let us see them. (Yes I said what every guy was thinking.) This is the same reason I don’t watch the cooking channel. . . . Or porn. You spend 30 minutes watching them slice and dice, and sauté, and telling you how good it smells and how yummy it is going to be, and when it’s done, I don’t get to eat any of it. And the cooking shows are just as bad.

    Like

    • La La March 25, 2013 at 10:43 am #

      Haha, I did get a lot of side comments about wanting to see. That’s why I don’t watch cooking shows either, by the way. TEASE!

      Like

  28. Miles Rost March 26, 2013 at 1:18 pm #

    David Stewart from A Green Walled Tower brought me over. And since the first post I saw was on one of my favorite creations (Boobs!), I couldn’t help but post and say a HAIL! to boobs!

    Here’s to boobs, and not of the political kind, either! :D

    Like

  29. blissflower1969 March 28, 2013 at 11:18 am #

    And here I was just recently complaining about my DDs. I’ve had three friends that have had reduction surgery, and they all say it’s the best thing they’ve ever done. May have to join their ranks, because my shoulders are getting tired of this.

    Like

  30. The Hook March 28, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

    Brilliant work, La La!
    I won’t insult you with a boob pun,,,

    Like

  31. Pixie Girl April 1, 2013 at 5:13 pm #

    Well, it’s not a problem I will ever experience, but kudos to you for sharing it! Love ya xx

    Like

  32. onechicklette May 23, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

    I’m raising a glass to your knockers, the befores and the afters.

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. A Quickie | tales of a charm city chick - December 31, 2013

    […] Boobs? Still got ‘em. “My First Time” was actually about death, so no thanks. […]

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