Sparkly, Safe and Funny Inside

18 Feb

On the night we met, I thought he was just goofy and weird (he is), but I remember walking into my quiet house after he dropped me off and something felt different. “That guy’s a weirdo,” I thought to myself–but it wasn’t bad. I felt sparkly and safe and funny inside.

It has been one year and I still feel that way. Friday was my first Valentine’s Day with someone in a couple of years. At first I felt strange about it because I kept thinking about the final Valentine’s Day I had with my ex-boyfriend before he passed away. That evening he said I had to straighten my wavy hair because it was “too wild” and later that I seemed unhappy and was “impossible to please.”

It made me think about my expectations and I felt bad, but he was right, I wasn’t happy. Despite the fancy Valentine’s Day presentation, I didn’t have fun and I didn’t know why.

Last weekend I learned, however, that it’s not that I am “impossible to please.” It isn’t that I didn’t appreciate fine dining and $94 Vera Wang roses in a silver julep cup that were meant to sweep me off my feet with modern sophistication. It was that I needed to be with someone goofy and weird who gives me room to be myself, have fun and let my hair flow freely. That’s just who I am.

The best thing I ever did was take the time to be honest with myself about who I am and what I was looking for in a relationship. BEST. IDEA. EVER. It seems like it would be such a simple thing to do, doesn’t it? But it isn’t easy for all of us, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So, now things are different. On Friday, we had our own version of a romantic weekend and it was the best I’ve ever had, even if the cupcakes weren’t perfect and even if we looked out the window and saw this:

 

 

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57 Responses to “Sparkly, Safe and Funny Inside”

  1. Rookienotes February 18, 2014 at 3:19 pm #

    This was so cute!

    Like

  2. Carrie Rubin February 18, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

    Ha, that’s quite the view!

    You’re right–until we accept and like ourselves, we can’t be completely at peace with someone else. Glad you’ve met someone who lets you be you.

    Like

  3. Twindaddy February 18, 2014 at 3:33 pm #

    I’m so happy for you! Even if you did get mooned.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm #

      Butts are funny. We had a good laugh, even if the guy was on drugs. :)

      Like

      • Twindaddy February 18, 2014 at 3:41 pm #

        Yay!

        Like

  4. Sean Smithson February 18, 2014 at 3:37 pm #

    Lovely stuff La La. And how about that view, hey?

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 3:39 pm #

      You like it. WINK.

      Like

      • Sean Smithson February 18, 2014 at 3:40 pm #

        Of course I like it. It was me!

        Like

        • La La February 18, 2014 at 3:41 pm #

          Just walking around snowy Baltimore with your pants down. I feel you, I feel you.

          Like

  5. jayne February 18, 2014 at 3:43 pm #

    Now that’s the kind of sparkly girly stuff I can get behind! That mooner must have felt the same way as I do. He was supporting you – what a giver! and maybe it was a he..? I don’t know.

    Like

  6. El Guapo February 18, 2014 at 3:47 pm #

    Yay! Couldn’t be happier for you!

    Except for the sparkly thing.
    I think Twilight has shown us all that sparkly has no place in civilized discourse.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 3:57 pm #

      Damn it, not that kind of sparkly. The inside kind that sometimes feel like the first drop on a roller coaster, too.

      Like

  7. rheath40 February 18, 2014 at 4:13 pm #

    From one sparkly girl to another, I’m so happy for you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Like

  8. JWo February 18, 2014 at 4:52 pm #

    So happy for you guys La La!!!

    You gotta be yourself and I’m glad you’ve got someone to fully appreciate that.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

      It’s a funny thing. And hey, you too! ;-)

      Like

  9. Jennie Saia February 18, 2014 at 4:55 pm #

    Sparkly and safe and funny – what wonderful words! Happy Valentine’s Day.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 5:04 pm #

      Aw thanks! You too, sister.

      Like

  10. ddupre315 February 18, 2014 at 6:18 pm #

    Love it when life comes together.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 7:39 pm #

      It’s preeeetty neat. :)

      Like

  11. Maddie Cochere February 18, 2014 at 6:50 pm #

    I am really happy for you, La La. A year of happiness – and I wish you many more to come. I, too, have a weirdo who lets me be as freaky as I want to be. We’re going on 25 years of sparkly weirdness.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 7:39 pm #

      25!!! So many sparkles, Maddie! Congrats. :)

      Like

  12. Bob February 18, 2014 at 7:23 pm #

    Seeing an ass In the snow is not as bad as seeking one for your heart. Glad you had a great day La La!

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 7:40 pm #

      Aw gracias, Bob!

      Like

      • Bob February 18, 2014 at 8:41 pm #

        Girl your my moon, but Dar’s got my stars. Have fun and keep this one

        Like

        • La La February 18, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

          Hahahaha. You crack me up.

          Like

  13. Trent Lewin February 18, 2014 at 9:33 pm #

    Sorry about the snow. You can blame that on us Canadians. But imperfect cupcakes and all, it sounds like it was a good time.

    Like

    • La La February 18, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

      Thanks Trent. I don’t know how you Canadians do it! I have been going nuts.

      Like

  14. gingerfightback February 19, 2014 at 2:58 am #

    Nice one. Got to like ourselves first. All else follows. Even some man’s buttocks in the snow. ARSE!

    Like

  15. Mario Savioni February 19, 2014 at 4:30 am #

    I can’t tell what you saw (not really), but you did it together and it would appear that time tells the truth about everything. You said in your own words, “On Friday, we had our own version of a romantic weekend and it was the best I’ve ever had.” The best we can ever have is as good as it gets, I think, but what do I know?

    I was married once. Even as it began I knew she didn’t love me, but I loved her and I wondered why she married me if she didn’t love me. But, my heart knew better. Five years later, I was broke and gave her a send off: “Well, if you want to have children you’ll have to find someone else, besides opening a restaurant is the last thing I want to do.”

    That was in ’89 or so. Now, I don’t even care. I’ve been with one woman I can’t seem to live without, but of course I haven’t seen her for years. I have no idea what the formula is. I guess that beautiful women like yourself haven’t the problem that I do, which is that no one is knocking on my door, except of course the crazy girl, who only wants me for my money and to be a daddy to her dog, since I guess I am the only one who can understand and love him. I can see his heart through the undying energy and strength that he exudes. But, that’s not enough; I am not in love with her. I am in limbo. Love is so foreign a feeling at this point. I’ve had so many opportunities with women, who were good for me, but whose bodies were not what I imagined banging.

    It is like there are two kinds of women, those you screw and those you talk to and never shall the bridge be connected. At least I am getting my life together so that I can drift as I do into a cafe and open a book. An old woman spilled the entire contents of a garbage can at my feet and I simply said, “It’s no problem; I’ve been dirty before and I’ll be dirty again.” Of course, a woman on her laptop turned to look.

    The old woman clearly had Alzheimer’s or something. She first came in and pulled a chair and sat along side me as if I were her shrink. Seconds later the garbage can came down. I picked up the milk containers and trash and went straight to the bathroom, washed my hands and went back to writing a friend about whom I had a dream:

    “I had a dream with you in it last night. I seem to remember that we were together. I was very happy. I assumed you were too. There were a lot of children, not ours, and adults living with us, probably Japanese, but possibly some other ethnicity. One in particular sat on some construct at the edge of a roof and there was no railing and I was afraid for her and myself as this entire bustle was going on. But, when you looked off the edge there was water, not necessarily that clean, but you could see the bottom, but not too deep. It gave the impression that you might not be hurt if you fell. You could land in such a way that falling flat would not allow you to touch the bottom or even if you fell straight down you’d be OK. Looking over the edge reassured me. It was like the house was as I’ve dreamed before, a penthouse unit on the top of a building like the one lived in across the stream at Kaimuki High School (at 2755 Kapiolani).

    “Inside the house, it was loaded with things associated with cooking and there were lots of recycling aspects, like these people were separating this type of garbage from that. In the bathroom, for example, I couldn’t tell where I was supposed to pee. It was full of bags of things. Everyone was happy and healthy and the sense of community was present there. There was a big table in the kitchen, where it was a little dark and it was warm on welcoming. The little girl trusted me, and she found me interesting, I guess because you and I were in a relationship and she found us to be leaders and people she looked up to. I was very much in love with you. You’ve always made me feel very good about myself as we shared an emotional understanding of life. We seemed to be compatible in our moods and observations.

    “Anyway, I just wanted to touch base. I miss you. I miss Hawaii too, except that I looked at 2755 on Google maps and cars can no longer park along Kapiolani and from what I remember they always did, I guess because there weren’t enough spaces. I bet parking in Hawaii is probably still a bear.”

    I wrote this all in a card involving two Tibetan monk children climbing a wall and the caption read: “Friends are those who lift us to our feet when our spirits have trouble remembering how to fly.” (A card from http://www.lightdancergreetings.com)

    You see I’ve only had impossibility and a lukewarm response. I am happy for you. I want you to succeed. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me; and there will not be some pithy statement to announce the greeting.

    Like

    • La La February 19, 2014 at 1:56 pm #

      Thank you.

      The picture was of a man’s butt.

      Try online dating, perhaps, if a relationship is indeed what you want. If you’ve accept it isn’t in the cards, then it isn’t in the cards (and that’s okay, too).

      Like

  16. David Stewart February 19, 2014 at 7:27 am #

    I’m convinced that one unit of goofy and weird (whatever you measure that in, kilograms?) is worth a thousand bucks. At least I hope so, since that means I’m rich. :)
    Glad you had a good time.
    -David

    Like

    • La La February 19, 2014 at 11:54 am #

      Good way to look at it. We’re both basically billionaires by now!

      Like

      • David Stewart February 19, 2014 at 7:04 pm #

        Now we get to strut around like we’re better than everyone else too, right? No?

        Like

  17. peachyteachy February 19, 2014 at 11:13 am #

    I think you should post that commemorative picture on Pinterest. Romance in action. I think that I have developed a general distrust in folks who don’t display some measure of weird and goofy. And I straighten my hair for no man.

    Like

    • La La February 19, 2014 at 11:20 am #

      That’s what I like to hear (all around, haha!) People who don’t show an element of weird at some point are either A. hiding something or B. SO boring. :)

      Like

      • peachyteachy February 19, 2014 at 11:38 am #

        And thanks for the follow on Elephants and More blog.

        Like

  18. Maggie O'C February 19, 2014 at 6:48 pm #

    Yay! You took your time and you stayed true to yourself and found a nice Irish boy! Happy anniversary to you and Sean.

    What’s out the window? Is that guy peeing?

    Like

  19. Maggie O'C February 19, 2014 at 6:48 pm #

    And you must be in a better place, you’re blogging more often! xoxox

    Like

    • La La February 20, 2014 at 2:51 pm #

      Another one today. I can’t even believe it. You’re around more too! Yay!

      Like

  20. Amy Reese February 20, 2014 at 3:39 pm #

    Yay! I’m feeling warm and tingly inside. I’m so happy for you. Wavy hair rocks!

    Like

    • La La February 20, 2014 at 3:48 pm #

      And you’re an expert so I trust you!

      Like

  21. Sandee February 22, 2014 at 1:56 pm #

    Thanks for reminding me how important it is to be in a relationship where the happiness comes from both sides. Glad you’re happy and sparkly!

    Like

    • La La February 22, 2014 at 6:40 pm #

      Aw. It’s funny how we don’t realize that sometimes, you know? Such a weird thing.

      Like

  22. kindredspirit23 February 25, 2014 at 7:05 pm #

    I understand. My stroke has forced me to finally take a look at who I am and what I want and even who I want. While Jessica Alba still remains near the top of my list, she is unavailable and, for me, um, unavailable. I look at the world and have now said, “What do I want in life?” Interestingly enough, I believe, for the first time, that marriage is not it. I am enjoying being single. Lonely? Yes, at times, but others – that silence is wonderful. I have been married, twice, raised children, I think I am ready to be me, newly published, disabled, and, well, happy.
    Scott

    Like

    • La La March 6, 2014 at 11:51 am #

      That’s a good feeling. Thank you so much for sharing it!

      Like

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