Running on

9 May

 

He loved Jackson Browne. His favorite line from “Running on Empty” was “I don’t know when that road turned onto the road I’m on.”

“Someday you’ll see how it’s weird,” he explained to me, “to look back and remember what was and how it all suddenly became what is, although you’re not sure when it happened.”

It seemed like we heard that song everywhere. We heard it at the bar on our first date, months later on the way to the beach, at our first baseball game together and almost every Saturday at the grocery store.

I also heard it on the morning of his funeral, which I thought was some kind of cruel joke. And the next day. And two years later, it’s still everywhere.

I can hear the way he sang that one line under his breath and it haunts me, but not necessarily in a bad way. It’s one of my reminders. It’s just one of those things reminding me to live and make this all worthwhile, even if I have trouble listening to more than 30 seconds of it.

That 30 seconds is enough, and just as I feel the tears welling up, I turn the station and take a deep breath.

Hug people today, folks. Hard, and often.

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35 Responses to “Running on”

  1. Twindaddy May 9, 2014 at 12:13 pm #

    (((hugs)))

    Like

  2. Bob May 9, 2014 at 12:14 pm #

    It’s funny how things like that turn up. Seemingly like they have a mind of their own, just the right song at precisely the right moment. Chalk it up to date, karma, or dumb luck.

    I try, like you, to take that deep breath and remember and feel. Sending hugs and caring.

    Bob

    Like

    • La La May 9, 2014 at 12:30 pm #

      It is weird, isn’t it? The universe is funny that way. Thanks for sharing this and for sharing your thoughts. Xo

      Like

  3. Carrie Rubin May 9, 2014 at 1:25 pm #

    I can imagine how difficult it is for you to hear that song, but probably also bittersweet because it reminds you of him. I loved his words to you: “Someday you’ll see how it’s weird…to look back and remember what was and how it all suddenly became what is, although you’re not sure when it happened.” True words, indeed.

    Like

    • La La May 9, 2014 at 1:33 pm #

      I remember when he said it I was thinking, “I’m not a little kid, I think I know this.” But I had no idea, really. Thanks, have a great weekend, Carrie!

      Like

  4. markbialczak May 9, 2014 at 2:25 pm #

    Music connects so many dots, of laughter, wisdom, sorrow, remembrance. For half a minute you may be “Running on Empty,” La La, but then don’t you kind of want to just sing out, “why don’t you stay, just a little bit longer?” Sorry for your loss as you remember two years later.

    Like

    • La La May 9, 2014 at 2:31 pm #

      Yes! Saaaayy you will. :)

      Like

      • markbialczak May 9, 2014 at 2:34 pm #

        Glad you continued my dot-to-dot, my Baltimore friend. First time I saw Jackson was at Merriweather Post Pavilion in early 1980s.

        Like

        • La La May 9, 2014 at 2:40 pm #

          Aw! That’s so awesome! :D

          Like

  5. triciatierney May 9, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

    I just passed 10 years of loss and wrote about it too. It changes with time – you probably already see that. Easier, some say and I guess that’s true – but you’ll always have tears to shed and songs to remind you.

    Like

    • La La May 9, 2014 at 5:11 pm #

      You know, this is so nice to read. Not *nice* but kind of a relief. I don’t necessarily want it to go away, but I look forward to it lightening up a bit. Thank you so much for sharing that and I’m truly sorry for the loss–whether it’s 10 yrs or a day.

      Like

  6. El Guapo May 9, 2014 at 5:06 pm #

    Not much of a hugger.

    *Stands nearby supportively with beer and cupcakes*
    *that magically taste good together*

    Like

    • La La May 9, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

      Cupcakes taste good with everything. I accept! Thanks.

      Like

  7. Maggie O'C May 9, 2014 at 5:41 pm #

    Big hugs to you, doll!

    Like

  8. runningonsober May 9, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    Sending hugs.

    (yes, my blog name is named after that song …)
    <3
    christy

    Liked by 1 person

    • La La May 9, 2014 at 10:46 pm #

      Funny enough, I remember when you first commented on a post I made 2 yrs ago along the same lines. Except it was a poem! :)

      Thank you. :)

      Like

      • runningonsober May 9, 2014 at 11:35 pm #

        I remember meeting through mutual friends shortly after I began blogging.
        <3

        Like

  9. javaj240 May 10, 2014 at 12:55 am #

    That’s my favorite line, too. (Apropos to nothing, really, Jackson’s my favorite singer/songwriter.) Loss is difficult. Music can often be cathartic or painful — sometimes both. One of the best Jackson songs — he wrote it after Little Feat founder Lowell George’s death — is “For A Dancer”. I don’t know if you’re familiar with it, but it’s beautiful, poetic, and, ultimately, uplifting. Hang in there!

    Like

    • La La May 10, 2014 at 8:52 pm #

      I will check it out. Thank you so much for the comment. :)

      Like

  10. diirrty May 10, 2014 at 1:16 am #

    Wow, two years. It seems like both yesterday and a lifetime ago. You’re still the same person, yet you’ve grown so much. And lived. And loved. I bet you’ve got a new song, too.

    Like

    • La La May 10, 2014 at 8:46 pm #

      So many new songs! Thank you so much. And thanks for being a friend.

      Like

  11. gingerfightback May 10, 2014 at 1:31 am #

    Best wishes

    Like

  12. rheath40 May 10, 2014 at 2:06 am #

    Hugging you hard my lovely La La.

    Love, Renee

    Like

  13. battlewagon13 May 10, 2014 at 6:51 am #

    Music is one of the strangest things when it pulls memories from your past. Sometimes it pulls happy things and sometimes it pulls sad, but it never ceases to inspire and provoke thought. Hang in there.

    Like

    • La La May 10, 2014 at 8:53 pm #

      Always. Gotta love the way it moves us.

      Like

  14. isawbobdylaninaspeedo May 10, 2014 at 1:05 pm #

    Awe. Good advice. *hug*

    Like

  15. jojo2442 July 11, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

    Reblogged this on Jordan Isabelle Ryder and commented:
    Very powerful. What a beautiful way to remember.

    Like

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