Lesson #2 – Just Because Jeff Goldblum Didn’t Write You Back…

6 Aug

 

 

Just because Jeff Goldblum didn’t write you back when you were 11 years old, doesn’t mean you aren’t a goddamn superstar. Maybe he had a good reason, like you being too young at the time, for example. Perhaps 31 years too young, even. Maybe he was busy and didn’t care that you sat in your basement watching Jurassic Park on repeat for days and were mega in love with him. And how could you not have been?

 

umyum

 

Look at that exquisite chest. I understand if you can’t read any further. You’re happy now. Your life is complete. I get it.

And you know, who even cares that he recently got engaged to a woman who happens to be 30 years younger than he is…and a gymnast? Who cares if there’s a photo of her showing off her impressive flexibility with a split-style leap, much to Jeff’s delight?

If I were you, I wouldn’t care, because it doesn’t mean you’re less awesome. It doesn’t you aren’t a goddamn superstar. It doesn’t mean you won’t find a great love in your late twenties who, oddly enough, brought up on his own that he admired Jeff Goldblum’s chest, too.

So, really, the lesson here is that you don’t have to feel bad when people turn you down. You don’t have to feel bad when others are ahead of you in life, work and love.  Don’t feel  inadequate when the job hunt is slow, or you keep getting dumped again and again. Your time is coming, whether or not Jeff Goldblum appreciated your love letter written on pink, sparkly stationary.

Hang in there, my friend. Hang in there. Your time is coming and you, too, will bloom just as beautifully as the rest of the roses. I’m drunk. I love Jeff Goldblum.

 

Click here for Lesson #1

26 Responses to “Lesson #2 – Just Because Jeff Goldblum Didn’t Write You Back…”

  1. Bob August 6, 2014 at 10:29 pm #

    Using my best Latin accent, “Jew wants me to miss hiz face Perdy La La”

    Like

    • La La August 6, 2014 at 10:32 pm #

      I am going to have nightmares about this comment. Thank you. :D

      Like

  2. Bob August 6, 2014 at 10:33 pm #

    Just a heads up, stay away from my Tweets then. Ooops

    Like

  3. meredithwyatt1990 August 6, 2014 at 10:37 pm #

    Damnit!!! He’s hot

    Like

    • La La August 6, 2014 at 10:40 pm #

      Truly. He truly is. And just because he loves that lady doesn’t mean we ever have to be sad!

      Like

  4. Carrie Rubin August 6, 2014 at 10:57 pm #

    Okay, I’ll admit it. I had a crush on Goldblum in that movie, too. Plus he had the best lines.

    Like

    • La La August 6, 2014 at 11:00 pm #

      He was um, uh, uh, uhhh, so smart.

      Like

      • Carrie Rubin August 6, 2014 at 11:01 pm #

        So smart. With just the right amount of chest hair…

        Like

  5. Andrew August 6, 2014 at 11:07 pm #

    I can’t get over how this was a real shot in the movie of him posing like that. I thought that painting you posted of him was some fan fetish thing. But seeing this, that Spielberg…. He knows what the ladies like.

    Like

  6. gingerfightback August 7, 2014 at 4:21 am #

    The way he rIdes the bike in Independence Day was worthy of an Oscar

    Like

  7. pastramibasket August 7, 2014 at 10:42 am #

    I’m guessing you would have loved the Jeff Goldblum themed Drink & Draw night.

    Like

    • La La August 7, 2014 at 11:03 am #

      I’m thinking you are 100% correct!

      Like

  8. Trent Lewin August 7, 2014 at 5:17 pm #

    I don’t really know what to say… although you have made me think fondly on Buckaroo Banzai. Now how would a Jeff Goldblum/Peter Weller sandwich work out, do you think?

    So you were seriously into Mr. Goldblum, eh? I may have seriously misjudged you. Not sure yet if that’s a good or bad thing. I have to think about this. And gymnasts. Oh yes…

    Like

    • La La August 7, 2014 at 5:40 pm #

      Totally into him. I blame 12 year old me. You can’t judge 12 year old me.

      Like

  9. Kathleen August 7, 2014 at 6:31 pm #

    I sure the hell hope you’re right.

    “So, really, the lesson here is . . . . You don’t have to feel bad when others are ahead of you in life, work and love (and you are 54). Don’t feel inadequate when the job hunt is slow, or you keep getting dumped again and again (and you are 54). Your time is coming.”

    Yeah. Right. Sure. WHATEVER.

    Like

  10. Maggie O'C August 7, 2014 at 7:24 pm #

    I had a feeling cocktails were involved in this. I love your point and your lack of typos.

    Like

  11. ddupre315 August 7, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

    While I truly enjoy him as an actor, have to say this is the first time I’ve seen anyone swoon over him. I can’t get past the whole fly thing maybe.

    Like

  12. theclocktowersunset August 20, 2014 at 6:44 am #

    One, I’m not drunk. Two, I was completely unaware of this whole chest situation up until now. Three, I might very well be able to say that admire this chest and such flagrant exhibition of said chest. Four, kudos on the “bloom” pun. And Five, where have i been? This post is two weeks old, I’ve got some catching up to do.

    Like

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