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Positively Charged Perversion

8 Jan

I went to a strict all-girls Catholic school. It was junior year. I was late for Chemistry because my swimming class ran ten minutes behind.

I rehearsed my apology as I ran down the hall in my wet, blue dress and squishy saddle shoes. The instructor, Sister J, was a very sarcastic nun who often licked her lips and rested her large bosom on her lab bench. She did not tolerate tardiness.

I ran in the room. “I am so…so…sorry,” I began.

Sister J: We were waiting on you. Put in this video.

Me: Oh okay, I am so sorry, swimming ran late.

I put in the video, turned off the lights and sat down to catch my breath. Then, the following magic took place:

 

 

I snickered. My lab partner laughed and we heard a chuckle behind us. Suddenly, girly giggles broke out throughout the classroom and I just could not hold it in anymore and began crying from laughter. Crying.

When the video ended, I flicked on the lights.

Sister J looked at us and shook her head. “Ladies, you should all know better, and Miss M [that would be me], you are a pervert!”

I was shocked! A pervert! Why was I the only pervert!?

Then I remembered the day there was a naked guy seen walking in the woods next to school and I hauled my sweet ass to the window to check him out (for the record, I had never seen a real naked guy…as it turned out I wasn’t missing much).

I am reminded of this story because this morning my coworker looked out the window and shouted, “A NAKED GUY!” and once again I hauled my sweet ass over to the window like a puppy excited to see the mailman.

Eleven years later at 28 years old, the video still makes me laugh and apparently, I am still a pervert. Somewhere Sister J is shaking her head disapprovingly.

Whatevs, Sister J, I just love to laugh. Laughter, love and naked guys are pretty much what make this world go ’round, anyway.

Becca and La La’s New Year’s Eve Celebration

29 Dec

Becca and I were sitting around last night, trying to decide to what to do on New Year’s Eve:
 

 
Guess what? You’re invited!

Join Becca and La La for a New Year’s Eve Celebration!

When: New Year’s Eve, duh! Come anytime you want, we will be there and already drunk, probably.

Where: La La’s house!

Bring: A snack of your choice, wine or beer and a change of underwear….what? You never know what could happen and no, you can’t borrow Becca’s underwear (and I don’t wear any because of a dress tucking incident) so it’s best to just come prepared.
 
RSVP in the comments and we will include you in a follow-up post about how much fun we all had!

 

Directions:

1. Drive to the airport

2. Fly to BWI, get in a cab and take I-95 N

3. Take the creepy exit (lock your doors, please)

4. Drive 2 miles and turn left at the homeless man with peg legs (don’t ask him if he was a pirate because 1. it’s rude and 2. he gets really angry)

5. Go to the house with the front porch and black roof

6. Leave your shirt at the door!

PizzaBoxDrawcember

7 Dec

In case you didn’t know, David Harding’s cousin wanted someone working at the pizza emporium to draw a picture on a pizza box and now David Harding has declared it PizzaBoxDrawcember. I will be participating in this event because:

A. I like food.

B. I like David Harding. He’s silly and talented and you should follow him. He’s Australian, ladies, but he’s married, so keep those panties intact.

C. I am due for a pizza and wine bender while I wait for my boyfriend to get off work and then he’s like, “You sound miserable, did you eat a whole pizza again?” and I’m like, “Absolutely.”

My last pizza bender involved waking up at 10:30 pm to an empty pizza box, two ice cream cone wrappers and what appeared to be a ‘food baby’ pregnancy.

This had me wondering if other people also go on pizza benders and lucky for those reading this, a Google search did me no wrong. What I found is a video of a guy drinking warm Newcastle Ale amidst a Hall & Oates pizza bender. Perfect!

According to the “About” section, he proceeded to eat the ‘za and do farts, all while listening to Hall & Oats. This was the morning of a wedding that he and his brother attended. He drank approximately 9 beers by the time he got to the wedding and that evening led to his brother ripping off his own shirt like superman and the star of this video climbing up a mountainside in the pitch dark.

If you do not like burps, farts, Hall & Oates or boys, I do not suggest that you click play. Personally, I think this is a masterpiece and I believe that all men are disgustingly fabulous works of art and I veritably adore them.

 

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