As most of you know, purchasing a new wolf shirt can be an important and painstaking process. As difficult or even more so than buying a new car, a new home, or adopting a child. You want to find that perfect wolf shirt that will not only meet your functional needs, but your fashion needs as well. From someone that understands that burden, I've done my best to narrow down the most essential factors to make your purchasing process go as smooth as possible.
Sometimes I like to share tips with the ladies. Today, I would like to touch base with you on some things that make me a very attractive woman. Perhaps you will benefit if you try these things too…whether you are single, trying to keep the passion alive in your current relationship or just trying to feel really good about yourself.
1. Like cool music. Today I was late for work today because I was listening to Phil Collins. I was late yesterday because I was listening to Toto. On Sunday night, I was listening to Tom Jones. Also, I once drove 4 hours to see Asia in concert.
2. Wear something sexy to bed every night. I wear this to bed and boys probably love it:
3. Wear pretty jewelry that accents your arm hair. I caught my arm hair in my bracelet this morning and now there is a big red mark. Perfect! When I get home this evening there are bound to be some boys in my yard, if not all of them.
4. Have classy dinners. Here is mine from last night. It’s pizza and wine in a bag that I drank from the spigot:
5. Leave a ring of ankle hair and just a tiny bit of toe hair on one foot. If you have a significant other, he will not only stay for breakfast, but also second breakfast and even elevenses.
6. Wear an intoxicating scent. Right now I have on “menthol” from the Biofreeze pain relief line. Men will ask, “what is that putrid stench?” and you will smile with confidence, knowing that it is you.
7. Drink coffee from a designer mug. This is my mug:
8. Do a dance when you are nervous. I do the robot.
9. Have an intense, boisterous guffaw as your laugh. You’ve heard mine in my videos. Guys seem to really like it a lot.
10. Always carry an extra thong in your bag just in case there’s a chance of you getting sexy with someone tonight…or in case you pee a little while laughing.
People often ask me where I get my sense of humor. Well…here he is!
My mom says that before I was born, my dad was a very serious person. Then, like magic, the earth was blessed with the miserable baby miracle of me and my dad’s number one goal from then on was to make me laugh.
My dad is my very best friend and I am so grateful to have him in my life! I love you!
Thank you for being so supportive, for teaching me about sports, showing me love, sneaking me candies before bedtime when I was growing up and, of course, thank you so much for always making me giggle. You’re the best!
I made a video montage so everyone could celebrate and watch him in action.
Here is how to have a good day today whether you’re happily married, single, your wife hates you, or your boyfriend is abroad:
1. Quit yer bitching and be grateful.
2. Look nice. Shave for once. It feels good to look good.
3. Wear something festive. Today my underpants are pink. It’s like a secret party in there that no one can see.
4. Eat a lot of M&M’s.
5. Give candy to your co-workers because the fatter they are, the happier you are.
6. Laugh at funny things on the internet.
7. Fart on really pretty people. They deserve it.
8. Dance and/or drink excessively.
9. Eat more M&M’s.
10. Go to bed remembering that some people only feel special today while YOU feel special every day.
- Good vs. Well
- Because vs. Since
- Among vs. Between
- Capping the President
- You’re Sic
- Getting Lain
1. Good vs. Well
She feels good. She feels well.
Which is right? Both.
She writes good. She writes well.
Which is right? Not both. Ha ha.
Good is an adjective, and its job is to describe…
Pardon the cheesy Valentine, but vintage Valentine's cards are one of my favorite things. They are cheesy, unrealistic, and adorable all in one!
Anywho, Let's discuss the holiday that is upon us. The lover's holiday, Valentine's! Whether you have a date with your sweetheart, or an evening with friends planned, you want to look your best. So, lets talk classic date night attire for the ladies and gents.
Thanks, buddy! I don’t usually participate, but I feel like sharing some fun facts, so here we go.
1. Last Valentine’s Day, Dane threatened to take me to Medieval Times for dinner. He even sent me a photo of the place etc… and said he was picking up the tickets. We didn’t go there (thank god), but instead went to a Greek rooftop restaurant called The Olive Room where we ate perhaps the best calamari of all time.
2. Last Thursday I ate an entire cake for dinner and I carry no regrets.
3. I do EFT. I know 99% of you will think it’s nuts, so hold on to your butts. Ha, poet. This one is relevant for this week.
4. I would probably still be a devout Catholic if communion tasted like pretzel dogs.
5. On Sunday I was blazing mad and taking my clothes off at the same time and I kicked my panties so hard that they flew up and landed on my head.
Some of you have asked for a preview of my collection of stories. It is not finalized, and I may not even include this one, but feedback is more than welcome. Let me know what you think.
About four years ago I began seeing a guy named Kevin. He was younger than I was, which was a change of pace from my usual interest in older men. He had a “top secret government job,” which I thought sounded sexy and mysterious.
Kevin and I had a lot of fun together. I liked his preppy style. He was a typical party guy who loved drinking and socializing, which was perfect because I also happen to enjoy drinking and socializing.
Our first date was to a really fun bar in the city on a hot Tuesday night. It was a perfect date, really, even if we did get a bit too tipsy. He was tall and I loved his cute nose sunburn, and the way he looked into my eyes when he bent down and tucked my hair behind my ear before he kissed me.
I have to admit that I am such a sucker for a hot date on a summer night with some cold drinks. Who isn’t?
When it was over he dropped me off at my house and said he would call me the next day. When he did, he invited me to meet his parents out on Friday for happy hour, and then he and I would go out afterward. It sounded fun.
That Friday I wore a pretty blue dress my mom had bought me for “something special.” I was excited, and I’ll admit a bit nervous to meet his parents on only our second date.
Kevin picked me up and we met them at a bar on the water in Fells Point, a really cute area in Baltimore City. His parents, Phil and Viv, easily were two of the nicest, most fun people I have ever met. They were young, hip and everything I could have wanted on a date with parents…until his mother took out a nail file.
It could have been the effect of the beer, but I swear to you that I watched in slow motion as his mother reached over to her son and began filing his nails. My jaw dropped.
“He doesn’t keep up with his nails very well, does he?” she commented.
“Err, I hadn’t noticed,” I replied.
“Well, he doesn’t. He’s not very good with his room, either. You’ll have to push him to clean.”
The whole thing lasted only about three minutes, but I am telling you that it was such an odd moment that I couldn’t help but comment on it later. “Kev, does your mom always file your nails like that?”
“Yeah, she does, she’s kind of a control freak.”
I kind of wish I had run at that moment, but do you think we should we really judge people immediately about things like that? He was younger than me, after all. Maybe he was just a bit immature, or maybe I was just making up excuses. I didn’t know, I was just glad it was over.
He and I went to another bar and got food and more beers and somehow we thought it would be fun to make a bet that for every beer I drank, he could drink two in the same amount of time. It turned out that he could, but as you can imagine after my four pints and his eight, I ended up drunk and he ended up extremely drunk. We kept laughing and enjoying ourselves, though. He was such a fun guy to be around!
Afterward, we decided to walk back to his house, hand in well-manicured hand. He lived about seven blocks from where we were and at block three he started picking up the pace.
“Why are we rushing?” I inquired, doubling my step to keep up.
“Sorry, I have to use the bathroom.” My roommates are out, so when we get inside just make yourself at”…and then, my friends, he pooped his pants.
Right then and there, Kevin farted and pooped his pants.
I got a cab home.
We never talked again.
This morning something stupid happened, and it doesn’t matter what or why or whatever.
I have some great friends who assisted me today and I just wanted to say thank you. You all are the reason I am going to get out of bed at some point and go to Zumba tonight to dance off the blues (and that delicious Super Bowl food from last night, YAY RAVENS). A special thanks to Simon and Scott and a special thank you to Madame Weebles who said a lot of VERY kind and wonderful things including that if she were a guy she would be banging me senseless right now. Muah! Most of all, thank you to Dina, who has always been there for me when I have a moment of weakness.
Cue Independent Women by Destiny’s Child:
Next stop? I’m not sure. I have a free flight to anywhere that American Airlines flies. I chose Miami last time and this time I might go for Vegas. Where would you go?
In the summer of 2001, I was lucky enough to be standing with a small group of people who were meeting the Ravens football team. They had just won Super Bowl XXXV a few months before and everyone was excited.
All of our favorites were signing that day and I recall vividly my brother Matt and his cute friend getting super worked up because Ray Lewis was coming.
Matt’s friend: HE’S COMING.
Me: I know! So exciting!
Matt’s friend: WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
Me: Get him to sign your football and say hi?
Matt’s friend: WHAT SHOULD I SAY?
Me: I don’t know. Play it cool. He doesn’t really have time to talk to us, anyway.
Matt’s friend: WE’RE NEXT. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
Me: Oh my god, just chill out, you’re making me nervous.
::Ray Lewis appears before us, I see a light glimmering in Matt’s friend’s eyes::
Me: Hi Ray!
Matt’s friend (SO loudly): I’M WEARING MY RAY LEWIS UNDERPANTS.
Ray Lewis: Hah, that’s cool…I guess.
Me: That just happened.
::Ray Lewis moves on to much cooler people than us::
And that sums up the time I met #52, Ray Lewis. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Go Ravens! And yay Puppy Bowl!