Do you ever nostalgically look at the things you did regularly when you were a kid and wonder if you can still do them? Like monkey bars? Or skateboard?
Recently my family had a party and I was eyeing up my niece’s hula hoop. After a couple of beers (oh, who am I kidding, I drink tequila these days), I decided to give it a go. Why not? What better time to try being a kid again than when you’re drinking tequila on a hot afternoon?
I brought it out to the yard where everyone was standing. “Crazy On You” by Heart was playing on the radio. I gave it a shot and sure enough, not only could I still hula hoop, but I was amazing at it. And it kept going. And going…
Ann and Nancy Wilson and I were still killing it halfway through the song when suddenly I looked up at my family and became horrified by the awkward expression on their faces that said it all—oh my god, hula hooping is just air humping…with a hoop.
So, basically, my family was watching me air fuck. Awesome. Not even Don Julio (tequila) could keep me going after such a realization.
I took the hula hoop home with me that day and it has become part of my exercise routine. I stick my iPod between my boobs and hula the shit out of that thing every single day and I’ve lost 16 lbs and developed quite a bit of muscle tone and definition.
I can suggest this exciting air sex activity to all readers who, like me, want to feel like a kid again and want to participate in sexy time, but are not lucky enough to be a kid or have sex in real life.
I was going to say more about this, but my boss just brought in two bottles of wine on ice and went to get a bottle opener. I don’t know why he did that, but I’m sure it will make a good story for next time.