Tag Archives: pizza and wine

Tips for Ladies

28 Feb

Sometimes I like to share tips with the ladies. Today, I would like to touch base with you on some things that make me a very attractive woman. Perhaps you will benefit if you try these things too…whether you are single, trying to keep the passion alive in your current relationship or just trying to feel really good about yourself.

1. Like cool music. Today I was late for work today because I was listening to Phil Collins. I was late yesterday because I was listening to Toto. On Sunday night, I was listening to Tom Jones. Also, I once drove 4 hours to see Asia in concert.
 
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2. Wear something sexy to bed every night. I wear this to bed and boys probably love it:
 
tobed
 
3. Wear pretty jewelry that accents your arm hair. I caught my arm hair in my bracelet this morning and now there is a big red mark. Perfect! When I get home this evening there are bound to be some boys in my yard, if not all of them.

4. Have classy dinners. Here is mine from last night. It’s pizza and wine in a bag that I drank from the spigot:
 
pizza
 
5. Leave a ring of ankle hair and just a tiny bit of toe hair on one foot. If you have a significant other, he will not only stay for breakfast, but also second breakfast and even elevenses.

6. Wear an intoxicating scent. Right now I have on “menthol” from the Biofreeze pain relief line. Men will ask, “what is that putrid stench?” and you will smile with confidence, knowing that it is you.

7. Drink coffee from a designer mug. This is my mug:
 

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I know.


 
8. Do a dance when you are nervous. I do the robot.

9. Have an intense, boisterous guffaw as your laugh. You’ve heard mine in my videos. Guys seem to really like it a lot.

10. Always carry an extra thong in your bag just in case there’s a chance of you getting sexy with someone tonight…or in case you pee a little while laughing.

PizzaBoxDrawcember

7 Dec

In case you didn’t know, David Harding’s cousin wanted someone working at the pizza emporium to draw a picture on a pizza box and now David Harding has declared it PizzaBoxDrawcember. I will be participating in this event because:

A. I like food.

B. I like David Harding. He’s silly and talented and you should follow him. He’s Australian, ladies, but he’s married, so keep those panties intact.

C. I am due for a pizza and wine bender while I wait for my boyfriend to get off work and then he’s like, “You sound miserable, did you eat a whole pizza again?” and I’m like, “Absolutely.”

My last pizza bender involved waking up at 10:30 pm to an empty pizza box, two ice cream cone wrappers and what appeared to be a ‘food baby’ pregnancy.

This had me wondering if other people also go on pizza benders and lucky for those reading this, a Google search did me no wrong. What I found is a video of a guy drinking warm Newcastle Ale amidst a Hall & Oates pizza bender. Perfect!

According to the “About” section, he proceeded to eat the ‘za and do farts, all while listening to Hall & Oats. This was the morning of a wedding that he and his brother attended. He drank approximately 9 beers by the time he got to the wedding and that evening led to his brother ripping off his own shirt like superman and the star of this video climbing up a mountainside in the pitch dark.

If you do not like burps, farts, Hall & Oates or boys, I do not suggest that you click play. Personally, I think this is a masterpiece and I believe that all men are disgustingly fabulous works of art and I veritably adore them.

 

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