Jen and Tonic’s Birthday Surprise!

26 Nov

Hey, Jen and Tonic! Happy Birthday! This morning I got you a cake…




but then, for some reason, that guy put his peen near it. Rude.

So I was like, clearly I can’t give her a wiener cake, so I got you another, but this happened:


cake (1)


Um, hello?  Sir? Yes, you there, with the muscles. Maybe we wanted to eat that cake. How inconsiderate of you to just pop out of it like that. Did you ever think that maybe we just genuinely wanted to sit around and eat a delicious cake? God.

Then I had a great idea–a personal cake from the bakery…




…but they put the wrong name on your gorgeous Tom Selleck cake. I couldn’t believe it.

On my walk home I tried to think of what I’d tell you about the cake. Surely you wouldn’t believe me when I explained that a guy tried to put his dick in the first one and Muscles McGillicutty ruined the second and that the third was perfect, but had the wrong name.

Suddenly, I saw some cute animals in the distance that would make it all better. I guess their handlers had to come too, I don’t know why. Whatever, just ignore them.


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Ugh, what the hell!? I uninvited that last guy! I don’t know how he got here. I apologize, Jen. Seriously.

Anyway, I hope you’re having a delightful day. Happy Birthday!

34 Responses to “Jen and Tonic’s Birthday Surprise!”

  1. Jen and Tonic November 26, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

    First of all,how did you know penis-flavored cake was my favorite? It’s just got that extra kick I love. Secondly, can we talk about John Cena holding that baby goat? WTF? A gentle giant, that one.

    Thank you for the birthday love. Legit LOLing right now.


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

      I know, I was dying. I think I saw him holding some puppies, too, but the goat did it for me. I hope you don’t mind but I sent a bouquet of peens, too. They should get to your house in about an hour.


  2. Twindaddy November 26, 2013 at 1:18 pm #

    The dude jumping out of the cake looks like he’s trying to figure out if he remembered to put on deodorant.


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

      He didn’t, trust me.


  3. Kathleen November 26, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

    Jen a Saggitarius? That explains alot 😀

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

    Uhmm, since we are on the subject, my birthday is tomorrow — Just sayin’


    • Kathleen November 26, 2013 at 1:27 pm #

      Who knew you could turn chocolate sprinkles into Magnum chest hair?


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

      Please don’t send me out there to search for another cake. I can’t take the pressure.


      • Kathleen November 26, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

        Send BOOZE 😀


  4. Trent Lewin November 26, 2013 at 1:28 pm #

    Can I somehow unsee this post? Ugh!


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 1:35 pm #

      I know, it’s appalling. You can’t even go out and find a girl a decent cake anymore.


      • Trent Lewin November 26, 2013 at 1:41 pm #

        Ah, well said. And for the record, I love cake.


  5. The Cutter November 26, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    Is it wrong that I got excited to see John Cena? I mean, I did spend many years as a wrestling fan.


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

      It’s totally allowed. And look, he likes tiny animals. Awww


  6. Mari November 26, 2013 at 1:59 pm #

    Oh this post has so much greatness to it – dick and all!


  7. Carrie Rubin November 26, 2013 at 2:46 pm #

    All those pics of men with no hair on their chests but a cake full of chest hair. My world is upside down.

    Happy Birthday to Jen!


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

      Haha I noticed that too and deeply hoped there was a real cake somewhere sans chest hair.


  8. thejasonmingle November 26, 2013 at 2:51 pm #

    (slow clap)


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

      Hahaha. My first Jason comment. Honored!


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 3:02 pm #

      PS – Jaime wants you to wear that elephant thing for Christmas. She told me so.


  9. The Bumble Files November 26, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    Ha ha! So funny. A very happy birthday to you, Jen!! I hope you have a decent piece of cake and get to cuddle with a cute, furry animal. Or, whatever makes you happy, miss!


  10. Katie November 26, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

    I wish I had the equipment to put in the elephant thong, because I want to wear it.


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 7:59 pm #

      You could always stuff it!


  11. Madame Weebles November 26, 2013 at 3:46 pm #

    It’s so hard to know what to get for the girl who has everything. But the answer is clear: Dong.


    • La La November 26, 2013 at 7:58 pm #

      HAHAHA This made my evening.


  12. vyvacious November 26, 2013 at 11:52 pm #

    This is fucking hilarious!! Hahaha!! The elephant trunk dude was the creepiest though, let’s be honest…


  13. David Stewart November 27, 2013 at 2:06 am #

    Those male models keep lurking around you, apparently. Pesky things. I’m glad I don’t live in your neighborhood. 😉


    • La La November 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm #

      Ugh you would be so annoyed, David! Can’t I just pet a puppy without so many muscles in the way? Yeesh. 🙂


  14. debra colby November 30, 2013 at 1:41 pm #

    See…now I woulda loved each and every one of those b-day surprises…to within an inch of their peens…um…I mean muscles….no, I mean lives. Thank you so very much for the lunchbreak laugh! 😀


    • La La November 30, 2013 at 3:43 pm #

      Aww haha you’re most welcome, Debra!


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