oHere are some obvious rules about dating and first dates that most people likely agree with and I shouldn’t have to share them with you because you should know better, but here we are, so let’s get on with it already:
1. No crying on a first date. Why would you be sad? This is your first date! That kind of behavior is frowned upon (ha) and it does not reflect well on your stability.
2. Don’t ask me for help with your taxes (unless you want to pay me, but it seems like what you really need is a tax guy and not a girlfriend).
3. No show spoilers, you heathen!
4. Don’t tell me to dress as a sexy 1900s steel conglomerate tycoon UNLESS you plan to provide a monocle. No monocle, no sexy steel conglomerate tycoon. Simple.
5. No tickling on a first date. You will get a punch in the head.
6. Don’t get naked unless it’s obvious that you’re supposed to be naked. No surprise nakedness.
7. Don’t pick me up for a date in a truck that has “truck nutz.” Jesus.
8. No getting extremely angry if I am not interested in a second date. Yeesh.
9. No asking me on a first date to go fly kites. We aren’t 6 years old.
10. Don’t use pictures from 80 years ago for your online dating profile and show up looking rough and dehydrated/like you just got divorced this week/like you just returned home from being a prisoner in a foreign land and while you were there you saw some things, pretty dark things, and they will haunt you for eternity and you’ll never come back from it.
You know what I think? If you are that guy, like if that’s who you really are, show yourself and just own it. Whatever you look like–own it. Got moobs? Flaunt ’em. Bald? I want to be blinded by that big, beautiful chrome dome. Beer gut and overdosing on dad attire? Werk.
From what I hear, this misrepresentation goes for the gals, too. Don’t lie to people via photograph, you guys. They’re going to find out.
That’s all I have for now. Hopefully, these fairly self-explanatory rules that I shouldn’t have needed to mention in the first place will aid you on your quest for love. Have a lovely day.
Reblogged this on Exploring Winnipeg and Beyond..
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Oh hell yes, believe it or not women do those silly ass things too. Should I visit get naked and cry on you. Hmmm sexy eh
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Oh, poor Bob! Thank you for the reblog!
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I know that you know I’m your perfect man
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Lol. Again–oh, poor Bob!
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And yes I’m sadly single again
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Hang in there, buddy. I know Canada is popping with great women.
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Yea I know I’m dating one now
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Not really sure what’s up with the kite hate…
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It makes me feel like someone wants to be my dad! I don’t want a dad!
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Love #10. A prisoner who saw dark things. Yeah, better run!
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Haha xoxo
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Is number nine not harsh? Trying to do something different? Surely everyone can be six once in a while?
I tried “trying to own” my situation on a certain dating website and under my interests listed “shenanigans”, and “foxes”, and listed in my description that I “steer clear of the clubbers, the sun-worshipers, the orange-skinned harridans with yellow hair, those who believe in the healing power of crystals, and those who have their “angels” that look over them.”
This was after I’d toned it down. It didn’t work out too well for me. Why LaLa, why?
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No kites, FM. You’re a handsome fellow. I think you should spin it around and say what you do want!
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Well, thanks. It’s not often someone tells me that. I’ve semi-retired from internet dating for the duration. Looking at my full profile now I see I don’t say what I want, but then if only I knew the answer to that myself…
http://www.pof.com/member7853608.htm
p.s. I don’t own a kite, but it just sounds like an excuse for a picnic to me. You live and learn.
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You have to find out what you want. That’s part of the fun. Also, maybe don’t mention the failing things…(although other British people would get your sense of humor).
I can always help you more with this later if you want. 😀
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I am convinced by now that I won’t meet someone through the internet, but in real life. Yeah, self-deprecating is our way, and I’m owning it. So thanks, but… I have looked at a million profiles over the years so if you just happen to have one and want any feedback…? They do say that they are better when done by friends of the opposite sex.
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I don’t currently have one up and running, but if I ever do, I will send it your way!
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9 sounds cute. Each to their own. The other ones, seriously. Thanks for the laughs…sorry you had to go through those.
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What the heck did kites ever do to you, La La?
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LaSwanLa,
This dim view of kites is a bit of a red flag for me…maybe we should just friend date for a while. You seemed so free spirited that night with Alexa Livingston…it’s funny how you think you know someone….
RR
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No imaginary red flagging me based on imaginary past experiences just because you hate my kite preferences! 😚
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It’s nothing like hate…more like the ways I imagine you being playful 🍉
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You can imaginary move up and over this hurdle. I believe in you.
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I feel like you can open up to embrace nude beach kite flying on at least Our First Date…unless you just want to keep seeing me casually and imaginatively.
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Surely there are women in both the nude beach and kite crowd who would love your attention!
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There are millions…scattered around different solar systems. It’s possible we’ve already had this date in another dimension.
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Lol. Probably. Who even knows what I’m up to in other dimensions!
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We maybe in some sort of repeating Groundhog Day cycle of existence where most of our efforts are leading up to another and another (but somewhat better) wonderful day at the beach. I have a wisp of recollection that I may have tickled you too much on our last few outings though.
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Ps…why the watermelon emoji?
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One hazy afternoon the wind dropped off and the kite was grounded…there were seeds in the watermelon and we arranged them on our bodies to make designs. In certain light I can barely see a seeded sunburned LaLa down one leg. 😈
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Dude. You win. I assumed this watermelon was seedless. I don’t sunburn, also. But you win.
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It really isn’t about winning…just all the wonderful possible imprints we all have for each other…even the most slender ideas bubble a bit if you hold them lightly.
Goodnight LaSwanLa. 🏄
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Sounds like you had a hell of a date
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Between the kites and that anti-wind chimes bit you wrote, I am sensing you have something against the wind, La La. Explain.
– Denise
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False, Denise. Ugh. You’ll get your explanation soon.
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Oh the picture thing lol
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The struggle is real! #6 is never good, but on a blind date that’s beyond creepy. I’ve devised some guidelines myself, that you might enjoy reading:
https://wtfbroandotherthoughts.wordpress.com/2017/03/26/swiping-as-a-superpower/
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