When I got home from work, my puppy Porter was in the window wagging his big fluffy tail. Dane was sitting on the couch, watching a documentary on the History Channel. I changed my clothes and we went to Zen West Roadside Cantina to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with sangria.
He had fish tacos for dinner and I had a quesadilla. We talked about little things of no importance and recalled the loud, old Jewish couple sitting in front of us at the Mary Poppins production we saw the night before. He was good at imitating them and it made me laugh so hard. I remember where we were sitting in the restaurant and the little kid running in circles who repeatedly played the same, really annoying song on the jukebox while his mom and dad completely ignored him. I don’t recollect what song it was now, but it was spinning in my tipsy head as I tried to fall asleep later that night.
Back at my house, we drank wine and watched a show that was saved on the DVR. Porter chased his tail and we laughed. Dane suggested that he was just like that kid at the restaurant, really, except fluffy. He adored Porter. He was mad when I first rescued him because he didn’t want a dog, but as you can see, he fell in love with him pretty quickly:
When it was time for bed, Dane cuddled with me for a bit before heading to his room. He said he was happy things were going well with us (we had fought in the months prior) and we made plans to see each other when I was back home from house sitting on May 9th.
The next morning, he came in early and kissed my forehead before he left. I glanced at him through squinting, sleepy eyes as the sun poured through the sneaky cracks in the blinds, directly on my pillow.
That was the last time I saw him.
We emailed a bit that week and he called on the 8th to say he wasn’t feeling well. He had heartburn. I told him to get some TUMS.
“Thanks, good idea,” he replied, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
That was the last time we spoke.
I’ll never forget a single moment.
The memories we had together and his passing are a constant reminder of the beauty and fragility of breath and life. One year ago, this propelled me out of my routine stillness. It was like an awakening from the numbness of the patient etherized upon a table in T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock.”
Grateful and inspired, the months that followed sparked the first time I truly began to live.
tales of a charm city chick 
A lovely, bittersweet story. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you. I appreciate you stopping by!
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So sorry again for the loss of your good friend. I think these words you wrote are so important for all of us to keep in mind: “The memories we had together and his passing are a constant reminder of the beauty and fragility of breath and life.”
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It’s true. I hate that it took something like that to realize it, but I’m grateful to know this feeling.
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This was probably a tough one to write, wasn’t it. I know I already said this, but MWAH to you!
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It was very hard to write, but it was therapeutic to get it out without having to hide behind humor. MWAH back!
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Wow… A great story. Sad, as so many great stories are. Yet it ends with hope.
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It wasn’t an easy thing to write, but I’m pleased that I did. Hope and love are keys to life, I think!
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Certainly they are a big part of it!
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My exhale of breath at the end of this post actually hurt. I am so sorry for your loss. xx
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Thank you for your kind words…sorry for the achy exhale!
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So sorry for your loss La La. You weaved a story out of a simple memory. It warmed and broke my heart. Even with the loss, you learned to live. Love you.
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Love you! It was sitting in my brain for a few days and thought it would be good to write it down. Now I know a little more about how you work.
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Oh honey, you don’t want to get into this silly blonde brain of mine. I’m glad you wrote it down. It was lovely.
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Really hard to read, but I love your outlook on the time since then. He gave you great friendship in life, and even now. That’s a special thing.
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I never would have thought that this sort of thing could cause an outlook like this, but I’m glad that it did. As always, thank you for your comment!
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Beautiful, courageous words. Keep strong!
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Dearest La La ( la la la la la la la la),
It is through these things that we learn and grow stronger. Remember the good times with Dane and ensure the you use all the lessons he taught you.
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Always, my friend! I appreciate your support!
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And I appreciate yours.
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Beautiful piece La La… My heart hurts for you.
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Thanks for being a big piece of the propel part of it! A direction was needed. 😉
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Awww shucks (kicks the ground)… I’m glad I could help and will be there whenever you need me. A Happy La La makes me happy.
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and La Las work and play best in happy environments. JWos are helpful!
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The thing that I find so haunting when I read this was “the last time” moments. You had no way of knowing those moments would be the last. That does give me pause. I’m glad that you could move forward with hope and a deeper appreciation of life. It’s a powerful reminder for all of us. Stay strong. Hugs to you!
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Lauren,
You know I love you. For so many reasons. Because you are a feeler. And honest. And candid. I remember when we first spoke about him. Thank you for writing this.
Le Clown
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Thank you for the compliment and thank you for your feedback and for supporting me this year. It’s funny, I remember when I noticed in one of your posts that you are also a feeler and I had an instant appreciation and understanding of that connection. xoxo
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La La,
Yeah. Feelings… Pfft…
Speaking of a post that should be Freshly Pressed…
Le Clown
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Hey, a feeler gotta feel. You’re very sweet. Thanks a bunch! ♥
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Thank you for giving me a glimpse into you –
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Thank you for stopping by to check it out!
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Lauren, so sorry you had to lose your friend so suddenly. I had a close college friend pass before we graduated. I never got over it, I just got more accustomed to living around the absence of him. I miss him still. This is a beautiful tribute to your friend and a wonderful reminder about how short and precious the moments with loved ones are. 🙂
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Kourtney, it’s weird, isn’t it? It isn’t something to get over or really make peace with when something is unexpected and at such a young age, not that I think the death of older people is necessarily easy by any means. It’s just a very weird feeling and thing to go through. I appreciate your feedback, and I’m sorry about your friend as well. I feel you, sister.
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I have no words to hug you with. Just hugs.
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Those are better than word hugs, anyway. So much love and thanks to you, I can’t even describe.
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Lovely, bittersweet, thanks for not hiding behind humor and sharing from you heart. Isn’t it crazy how we remember such little details of such a simple memory (like what you ordered), when it turns out to be such a poignant moment in time.
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Yes, it’s funny, really. I couldn’t tell you what I had for dinner 2 nights ago. It just stuck with me as “weird” because I didn’t know that would be our last meal, you know? Thank you so much for your sweet message. xoxoxo
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Forget Katie C you should have your own show.
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Second that. It’d be the first show like that that I’d watch.
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Ciao La La,
I read your post yesterday, but I didn’t know what to say or at least I couldn’t form a normal comment as I would ramble. You do know how to capture feelings within your sentences and I think that’s what hit me. I remembered a few “last time” moments myself. Moments that would seem perfectly simple, plain and normal to someone else, but they are engraved in my mind forever. But even in the true saddest of times, you can find true sunshine and I’m so, so happy you found yours and that you are sharing it with all of us. 🙂
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You are so thoughtful! I really appreciate this, lady!
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Hi La La,
It’s been a while since I’ve visited, I hope today has been good for you.
Wow, I’m moved by your post, in my opinion, the openness in your sharing is a clear indicator that you are healing.
Although good friends and family pass, thankfully we have our memories, a seemingly small consolation…but important for us to remember someone we loved.
I was glad to read that you are moving in the right direction and long may that continue.
Have a good week. 🙂
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You are sweet. I think I am well on the way of healing and I appreciate you noticing this! Thank you for stopping by again!
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I didn’t mean to push like and move on, Lauren. I didn’t have the words the other day, and I still don’t. I can’t imagine how terrible that must have been for you. I simply can’t. I do know it is good to talk about people we love who have passed, and it is good to celebrate their lives no matter how long or short. You do your friend proud by remembering him and sharing him with us. I’m glad you are able to live life again and that you are finding happiness.
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Maddie, as always I appreciate your feedback and consideration. I didn’t expect everyone to have words and thank you so much for coming back. A year ago today was his funeral. A weird day, and it’s very strange, and even a bit exciting, to think of the growth that has happened since then.
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Lauren,
I’m sorry about your loss. This was a really beautiful piece, and a good looking pup. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. It’s well deserved.
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Bill, he’s a great dog! Thanks for stopping by and for your kind words. 🙂
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La La, hugs. You found something good out of the heartache.
Right in the feels.
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Dealing with death is not funny. Glad you gave yourself time to heal. Right?
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Exactly. Being able to cover it up with funny would have just been too easy, anyway. 😉
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And covering up with funny would not be the right thing to do as well. http://www.segmation.com
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Just discovered you through Le Clown. Hi. Beautiful post. My dearest, oldest friend just lost her partner through a freak accident/medical mistake. It is so hard to find the words and yet words help and hearts collide. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you for sharing such a personal story. Your words were powerful. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
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♥ to you!
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You beautifully captured that weird, painful other-worldly clarity after losing someone you care about.
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That’s a good way to say it. It is weird, isn’t it? It’s hard to accept at first because you find yourself asking, “shouldn’t I be feeling something else?” It’s somewhat relieving though, too. Thanks for reading!!
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Great story, LaLa. I’m sorry for you, because it sucks when this happens that suddenly.
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Dude, it sucks a big one. I can’t help but think that you understand what this feels like.
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Like someone came up on the bus and ripped out an important organ and ran off. Except worse, because YOU don’t die afterwards. How’s that?
PS- Congrats on FP. Welcome to the club.
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Wow, well said. I know that’s something a lot of civilians will never understand, but I’ve been learning a lot lately.
Thank you!
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🙂
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So sorry for your loss. Hopefully writing about it helps bring some comfort.
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Writing about it was a form of therapy for certain! Thanks for your kind words.
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Bittersweet indeed
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Bittersweet indeed
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Like releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Beautiful post. ~~peace~~
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You’ve summed it up quite perfectly, really. Xoxo
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I was outside one day when my Dad and his wife drove by my house. We chatted for a couple of minutes. The last thing I told Dad when they were leaving was “I love you, Dad.” I never saw him alive again.
In this post, you told a poignant story and did so with grace.
Bless you.
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Thank you. Your story gave me chills, because you just never know. Thanks for sharing it!
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Thank you for sharing, La La.
I’ve reblogged this and I hope it helps get your message out to even more readers.
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That’s how I ended up here…through Hook’s re-blog. Thanks, amigo.
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You rock. I thank you, sir!
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Wow, I don’t know what to say Lauren. Just, wow…
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost a nephew when I was younger, through a traffic accident. It definitely changes your respective on live in all it’s glory.
We should all be so thankful for this experience we’re granted, called ‘life’, where we get a chance to feel, love, observe, smell, taste and countless other miraculous things. Yet so many people waste it away to addiction, materialism, etc.
This was beautifully written, Lauren. Lovely.
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Thanks, dude. I’m sorry about your nephew. This writing outlet gives us a chance to connect on these things….even if usually just on a fart level. 😉
I appreciate you sharing!
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Fart levels are good levels 😉
I appreciate you, period. 🙂
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Such a hard lesson and a deep loss, yet you told it so beautifully it left me feeling only warm and inspired. Beautiful piece. You honored him and his memory with your words.
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Aww that’s so nice. Thanks! I’m so happy I was introduced to your blog the other day! I look forward to reading more.
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La la – I was sent here by Hook and I’m glad he reblogged this. Such a touching and emotional story. A reminder that we should be cherishing those moments with loved ones as we never know if it will be the last time.
I do think that even if you are aware the end is near it doesn’t make it any easier. Congrats on being FP so well deserved
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Go live and enjoy it fully, right? I thank you so much for stopping by and for your words, Daile.
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Beautiful, honest and a sentiment we should all do well to remember.
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Agreed, lady. I appreciate you stopping by.
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What a moving loss. Thank you for sharing this with the world. Best wishes as you move forward.
-G.D.
My writing blog: http://gdalexander.wordpress.com/
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To you as well, your thoughts are appreciated!
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Your post – I love it and it’s sad at the same time. I lost my pup just over a year ago now, I’ve got some happy memory-posts about her as well as some sad ones. I’m glad I’m not the only one who uses blogging for such things and I truly appreciate you for sharing.
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Aww, a pet’s love is always hard to lose. Hug some photos! Xoxo
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i’ve just read this and found it truly moving. losing someone close to you is never easy. and so suddenly too. i am really sorry for your loss. tomorrow it will be the anniversary of my dad’s sudden passing. although it’s many years ago, the memory of that pain never leaves you. he left my world starved of light, or so it seemed at the time. but time does heal, and now i can feel him in light around me… x
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This is a hard one. My dad is my best friend and I can’t imagine the impact of such a loss. Smile tomorrow and remember the fun, silly moments. Much love!
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You always write about exactly how you’re feeling, no matter how hard or personal it may be. That takes guts. I’m a big wuss in that department. Keep doing what you’re doing.
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That’s really sweet of you. Please always write about dragons and other various wolf-related things. You’re one of my favorites!
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I really like your writing style, and I am sorry for your loss.
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Thank you Laura!
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This was so well written it truly stung to read it.
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Apologies for the stinging! Thank you so much.
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The world can change in a nano second. How we carry on afterward is what makes us who we are. Although I am sorry for your loss, it seems he left you a gift.
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You’re right, it can change instantly and we spend most of our days not realizing it!
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Wow, Lauren. That was a powerful post. I’m so glad to know you’ve taken such a positive message from that experience. I know you’re such a beautifully loving and strong person at the same time, may it only continue this way. Lots of love xx
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Thanks lady, and thanks for being a friend and sticking by me through a tough year and random, usually fun ways 🙂
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Ha. Fair enough, my ways may be unconventional but I do try to make stuff fun 😉 which is not difficult with you as a companion!
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Beautiful. Sad. True. Wonderful writing. Thank you for posting. Everyday really is a miracle in so many ways. Finding things to be grateful for is sometimes how I get through the day…it works. Thanks LaLa!!!!
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Being grateful is a perfect way to get through the day, it instantly lifts us up. I appreciate your kind words. xoxo
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That was really touching…. Hope you feel better even as I type in this comment….
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I do, and I am grateful for your words!
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This is beautiful. All that we have lived was beautiful. And everyday that we live is beautiful. And things that are to come are more beautiful. Be happy because you lived that beauty, be grateful. Be happy and grateful because you are to live beauty every day, for the rest of your life. Bless you.
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Thank you for this touching, thoughtful comment. Many people take the saying “Life is beautiful” for granted, and I believe you are not one of those people! Love and light.
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Precious life with those we love. Thx!
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This was a really pretty amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing!
http://thecallagirl.wordpress.com
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Thank you for stopping by, Charlotte. Your dog is really cute!
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That’s beautiful and stunningly sad. I’m really sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you have some lovely memories to fill you up. Thanks for sharing. It must have been hard.
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Thanks for the comment, got to keep the memories going always!
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I’m sorry for your loss 😦 This was written well … simple and perfect.
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That’s how I felt those final moment were, simple and kind of perfect, so thank you kindly for saying that. 🙂
Have a wonderful day!
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A fantastic piece of writing. Love the almost poetic flow, thanks for sharing so honestly.
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Thanks so much! I appreciate you stopping by and reading. 🙂
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Reblogged this on justforfunandshit.
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Hi there! Great post I like it, if you ever get interested in Ocean Sports Media follow my blog! 🙂 Regards!
Carlos
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Wow….I don’t have the words…I don’t know you but I admire your spirit and have this inexplicable desire to hug you…Be well.
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Hugs back! Thank you for your kind words.
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People don’t stop to appreciate the little moments enough. It is something I have been trying to adjust in my everyday life. I am sorry for your loss, but am happy to have been able to read your post and experience some of your “small moments.”
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Very heartwarming story. Thanks for sharing
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Thanks for stopping by, Andrew!
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Outstanding post, very well written. God bless you.
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Oh, I just saw you are Freshly Pressed!! Congratulations, Lauren. I’m so thrilled for you!!!
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Thanks lady! I am very excited about it. 🙂
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Hello – came over from “Hook”.
Crushingly sorry for your loss. Life seems so solid and concrete – then to have it suddenly disappear and realize life is brief breeze instead.
Well written tribute – and reminder to us all
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Life is such a breeze and it’s easy to get stuck in the routine of it all. Thank you for words and for checking out my blog!
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Very touching reminiscence. I look forward to reading more from you.
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Thanks for stopping by!
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a touching story and even more sad wen u know its true.. so sorry for your loss but i guess life goes on… hats off for this heartfelt narration…
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Oh, that stopped me in my tracks. Both a beautiful tribute to a life and a sobering memory.
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I appreciate your nice words! Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to share the memory with me.
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Reblogged this on cwfact and commented:
Good Writing
🙂
Appreciate It
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A beautiful post, very moving. I’m so sorry for your loss 😦 It’s awful that it takes things like this for us to fully realise what we have. I hope your memories with him give you a reason to grab life with both hands and hope for the future.
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Thank you. It is a shame, but unfortunately the truth. I’m glad to see that now though. Thanks for stopping by!
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Congratulations on the FP, La La! Very well deserved on this moving piece. Hugs.
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Hugs to you! Thanks, lady!
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Nice post, just touching……..
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What a touching post. Mortality is just so fleeting.. It was only three months ago that my twin brother passed away – suddenly, peacefully – and I miss him.
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That must be so difficult because of that tight connection. I am so so sorry for your loss and I wish you a period of love and healing.
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I am sorry to hear about your friend. Hopefully you had time to mourn for him. Great post by the way.
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Beautifully written and deeply felt. Thank you for a good read and a heavy sigh.
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I am sorry for your loss and can empathise with you as I know what it takes to lose someone we love…ive lost my dear friend too and my life wasn’t the same..though I smile every time something reminds me of those blessed days. good luck and congratulations for sharing something so honest and personal and on being fp!
ps: Porter looks so sweet
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I am sorry about your loss. When we loose someone we love it hurts so much. I too have lost loved ones in death. I would like to share with you a series of three videos that will comfort you in your grief. Please go to my site and under one of the menus you will see the videos. Warm hug. Anabela
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I am so very sorry for your loss. Your post is exquisitely written and the heartbreak so real. I, too, have suffered loss and when I read something like this it takes me back to that heartache, not necessarily in a bad way. I welcome healing and moving forward, but I never want to forget that ache… because it’s linked to the love we once shared. Hope that makes sense.
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It makes perfect sense. Not only does the ache keep that person alive in the heart, but always acts as the reminder to truly live. Thank you for your thoughts!
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phenomenal! thank you for sharing your story in your unique way! so sorry for your loss.
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Beautiful story and a great reminder to us all to hold on to those little moments, the small details because those are usually the most beautiful. Sending *hugs* from Germany. You’ve done a good thing here…
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Thanks Germany! 😉 I truly appreciate you stopping by.
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I come in at the very end, I lived the very same thing 7 years ago.Only NOW am I approaching normalcy brave one. I had no blog back then. ! ~ HUGS~
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Well done getting on the front page. I find it difficult to be earnest when I write myself, it can be a difficult thing to do. I tend to get a bit squirmy when I read stuff about bereavement because it’s usually really sentimental and I end up feeling bad because the feelings are obviously genuine. This was perfect though.
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Every moment we spend with our loved ones is precious, because we never know when it will all end.
I am sorry, I am really sorry for your loss.
I am glad that you found the strength to write about it and bring strength to others.
Wish you all the best.
I sincerely pray you never have to encounter grief and pain again.
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Thank you!!!!!!!! This comment means a lot to me. Best wishes to you!
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