Positively Charged Perversion

8 Jan

I went to a strict all-girls Catholic school. It was junior year. I was late for Chemistry because my swimming class ran ten minutes behind.

I rehearsed my apology as I ran down the hall in my wet, blue dress and squishy saddle shoes. The instructor, Sister J, was a very sarcastic nun who often licked her lips and rested her large bosom on her lab bench. She did not tolerate tardiness.

I ran in the room. “I am so…so…sorry,” I began.

Sister J: We were waiting on you. Put in this video.

Me: Oh okay, I am so sorry, swimming ran late.

I put in the video, turned off the lights and sat down to catch my breath. Then, the following magic took place:



I snickered. My lab partner laughed and we heard a chuckle behind us. Suddenly, girly giggles broke out throughout the classroom and I just could not hold it in anymore and began crying from laughter. Crying.

When the video ended, I flicked on the lights.

Sister J looked at us and shook her head. “Ladies, you should all know better, and Miss M [that would be me], you are a pervert!”

I was shocked! A pervert! Why was I the only pervert!?

Then I remembered the day there was a naked guy seen walking in the woods next to school and I hauled my sweet ass to the window to check him out (for the record, I had never seen a real naked guy…as it turned out I wasn’t missing much).

I am reminded of this story because this morning my coworker looked out the window and shouted, “A NAKED GUY!” and once again I hauled my sweet ass over to the window like a puppy excited to see the mailman.

Eleven years later at 28 years old, the video still makes me laugh and apparently, I am still a pervert. Somewhere Sister J is shaking her head disapprovingly.

Whatevs, Sister J, I just love to laugh. Laughter, love and naked guys are pretty much what make this world go ’round, anyway.

73 Responses to “Positively Charged Perversion”

  1. zfthrimej January 8, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    as soon as i read Sister J calling you a pervert, i was thinking it takes one to know one. honest healthy cool post


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:34 am #

      Haha, thanks for stopping by!


  2. twindaddy January 8, 2013 at 11:37 am #

    I guess I have one positive and one negative ball because they certainly don’t repel one another.

    Also, what a suggestive video to be showing in Catholic school. Did you see the way that guy was rubbing that shaft? He was really getting into it.

    PS. Pervert.


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:39 am #

      Was it actually suggestive? Maybe you’re just a pervert too!


      • twindaddy January 8, 2013 at 11:40 am #

        Hmmm…it could be. My mind has been known to wander the gutter. From time to time, of course.


        • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:42 am #

          I believe all of our minds do. From time to time, of course.


          • twindaddy January 8, 2013 at 11:43 am #

            You think Sister J’s did?


            • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:44 am #

              No…impossible. She was just a sarcastic nun.


            • twindaddy January 8, 2013 at 11:45 am #

              Yeah, you’re probably right.


  3. ridicuryder January 8, 2013 at 11:42 am #

    La La,

    I’m sorta freaked out by Pervy-Catholic-Schoolgirls normally, but you seem so nice…….I hope you are not just lulling me into a false sense of security,



    • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:43 am #

      I am.


      • ridicuryder January 8, 2013 at 11:55 am #

        Oh my……….death coming for me in your guise, mmmmmm.

        You will drag it out and make it excruciating…. Won’t you?


        • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:56 am #

          I will, and you’ll like it!


  4. Cakes and Shakes... January 8, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    So wait, the rod is positively charged, but they repel the balls?? What a stupid nun, she needed to have some basic birds and bees classes. In case Jesus decided to make their marriage not just figurative. She might need to rub his rod and balls with a fur rag. Oh God, innuendo everywhere…


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:52 am #

      It’s an overload, right? Haha, load.


      • Cakes and Shakes... January 8, 2013 at 11:56 am #

        Speaking of loads, I wonder if that nun ever heard of bukkake.


        • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:57 am #

          hahaha, it it likely she has not. Very likely.


          • Cakes and Shakes... January 8, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

            She’d be great at doing priests’ laundry in that case. I hear black robes are really difficult to get ‘stains’ out of. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW.


  5. MissFourEyes January 8, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    Haha! What a great way to learn chemistry!
    If there was a naked guy outside your window and you DIDN’T go to see him, I would say that there is something horribly wrong with you. Regardless of what they look like, regardless of their size, tall, short, fat, skinny, beautiful, ugly, ALL naked men deserve women hauling their sweet asses to look at them!


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:51 am #

      Believe it or not, there are women that disagree with this. I am not one of them! We would be friends.


  6. T. W. Dittmer January 8, 2013 at 11:54 am #

    I’m positively shocked! Okay, maybe I’m just being negative.

    I remember my sister breaking out laughing in church once. The whole snort like a pig kind of laugh. It seems her friends were passing around a note that read “Smile if you’re not wearing any underwear”.


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 11:55 am #

      Hopefully this was not a recent event.😉


      • T. W. Dittmer January 8, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

        Not recent, but it could easily be. We’re still growing up.


        • Cakes and Shakes... January 8, 2013 at 12:04 pm #

          That’s a cool story. The funniest thing that ever happened me in a church was when my brother stood up (he was little) and shouted that my sister smelled like pee. That caused a few snorts in the congregation.


          • La La January 8, 2013 at 12:05 pm #

            I am loving these comments today. Keep them coming. Oops.


            • Cakes and Shakes... January 8, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

              I love that you spelled that the non-gross way. Now I can put my eyebleach away.


  7. makewayforlindaj January 8, 2013 at 11:59 am #

    I think that nun should have pulled her head out of her… habit (ahem)… for just a second and realized that you CAN’T say the word “balls” in front of a classroom of kids who are older than 7 – at least not without expecting some giggling. Add a creepy chemist stroking his fully-charged rod to those balls, and you’re asking for trouble. If you ask me, the nun had it coming to her…. hee hee… I say coming…

    P.S. – Pervs UNITE!!


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

      Yes! Pervs forever! Side note, you also can’t say “duty” in front of a classroom of people over 7 years old!


  8. Maddie Cochere January 8, 2013 at 11:59 am #

    I would run to see naked men, too. I think that video may have charged your love for science. And your co-worker needs a payback.


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

      And here I am in a lab, sipping coffee and not at all wondering how I got to this point in my life. Good call, Maddie. We would run to see naked men together!


  9. The Bumble Files January 8, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

    How can you not look at a naked guy, right? Or, for that matter, anyone who is naked, especially if they’re out in public. It’s not everyday you see a naked guy in the woods.


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

      That’s what I think too. What kind of weirdo doesn’t look at the naked guy? I like the way you think, Amy.


  10. becca3416 January 8, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

    I like the intensity with which he says BALLS.


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

      Right? It’s so intensely uncomfortable and funny.


      • calahan January 8, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

        Wrapping them in metal alone would be uncomfortable.


        • La La January 8, 2013 at 2:46 pm #

          BALLS OF STEEL. That just popped into my head. So.


  11. rheath40 January 8, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

    The video made me laugh so hard. And I’m with you girlie. Life is to love, laugh and look at naked guys. And to write. We must enjoy it all honey!


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

      I’m glad you are able to laugh today! We must enjoy it all and stay positive. We simply must. Xoxo


      • rheath40 January 8, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

        Yes darlin’ we must be positive. In our darkest moments it’s the only thing that gets us through. XOXOXO back at ya hon.


  12. Carrie Rubin January 8, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

    Oh, come on, Sister J, how can rubbing a rod with fur and balls attracting each other NOT be funny? I bet she went home and laughed herself. In fact, the Sisters probably had some nice discussions about it over lunch.


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

      Somehow I can see you using this video in a chemistry/sex education class that you’ll teach one day. 2 birds, 1 stone, Carrie.


  13. Viciously Sweet January 8, 2013 at 5:17 pm #

    OMG. I laughed so hard. I think this remind me of a video I had to see in health class at an all girls Catholic School. It was about checking for prostate health, and it featured a man in a steamy shower with smooth jazz saxophone music playing. I burst into laughter and then so did the entire class. When the lights flipped on my teacher asked what was so funny. And I told her, that was the weirdest video to ever show an ALL GIRL class.
    She looked really puzzled and started laughing too, she actually had no one ever say that checking balls was weird for a girl to know in the 2 years she had shown it. And all these years later I still die of laughter when I hear saxophone music… especially in the song “Careless Whispers.”


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

      Oh my god, that sounds so funny! I will think of that whenever I hear it now and imagine a steamy shower and silhouette.


  14. Brother Jon January 8, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

    Well, that was something. I went to a Catholic grade school growing up, and we never watched videos like that. We didn’t have swimming or chemistry either I guess. And to think all the public school kids were getting to see Bill Nye the Science guy! As Geoff Peterson would say….



    • La La January 8, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

      Public school kids got to watch Bill Nye?! Lucky!!!


      • Brother Jon January 8, 2013 at 7:09 pm #

        I sure hope that “Lucky” sounded like Napoleon Dynamite!!


        • La La January 8, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

          So it didn’t originally, but I just yelled it out like that to make up for it.


  15. sweetmother January 8, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

    when i was in hs, my best friend and i cheated on the iowa tests. if you didn’t have to take them, they were standardized intelligence tests and it was more like we compared answers. the test was given in our homeroom and our homeroom teacher was the hot, young, wrestling coach. he caught us cheating and yelled out, “GIRLS, YOU’RE CHEATING ON THE IOWAS? THAT’S LIKE CHEATING ON A PREGNANCY TEST.” we were mortified. it was maybe the best thing he could’ve said and i never forgot it. loool. xo, sm


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

      Hahahahahha! That’s awesome. This made my evening.


  16. davidhardingblogs January 8, 2013 at 8:20 pm #

    Naked men? …meh.


  17. Le Clown January 8, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    La La,
    Gonads of Steel and Electric Rods… The video made the hair on my nipples rise like a penis at dawn.
    Le Clown


    • La La January 8, 2013 at 8:59 pm #

      I just got the strangest picture in my head….


      • Le Clown January 8, 2013 at 9:00 pm #

        La La,
        Was it Edward Cullen naked?
        Le Clown


        • La La January 8, 2013 at 9:03 pm #

          I’d prefer that over what I saw…::shutters::


  18. Pigeon Heart January 8, 2013 at 11:24 pm #

    ha! I can’t believe you were able to locate that video. That’s great. I too love seeing naked people. Can’t get enough of it. I dont even care what they look like!


    • La La January 9, 2013 at 9:59 am #

      I googled “chemistry video + funny + balls.” It was the first thing that popped up haha


  19. Combat Babe January 8, 2013 at 11:57 pm #

    I was determined that I was not going to laugh watching that clip. No such luck and I am still laughing.


  20. workspousestory January 9, 2013 at 11:46 am #

    There is nothing wrong with you, La La. And *I* know things like that.


  21. kenthinksaloud January 9, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    For reasons I won’t go into I had to watch this silent and in the dark. I think it might have made it much much funnier as a result…


  22. twinklysparkles January 10, 2013 at 10:09 am #

    I came over here from Madame Weebles’. This is a fabulous post. I am not Catholic, but I am guessing Sister J NEVER laughed about anything sexual. All discipline. OY!

    I had a hard time believing this video was made at all. It’s ridiculously suggestive. This might have to show up on my blog, it’s so great. Also the hiccup stick. Wow. You found some good stuff.

    I hope to pop in and read your blog again. Keep up the good work. It’s fun, isn’t it?

    I also learned something today, not sure if I’m glad about this or not–bukkake. It is this kind of stuff that makes me a bit sorry I have daughters in today’s world. Or maybe I’m just a prude.

    Ciao! twinkly


    • La La January 10, 2013 at 11:10 am #

      Well listen, anyone who can appreciate this stuff is a new friend of mine. I actually found a few new interesting people from the Weebs on this, the day of her birth. Nice to meet you!


  23. vyvacious January 11, 2013 at 3:31 am #

    HAHA! I didn’t last too long before I started cracking up!



  24. saradraws January 13, 2013 at 9:29 am #

    Sister J, I don’t like your accusations. I’ll have nun of it!!!
    Too bad you didn’t say that.
    Must be because you’re too busy being a perv.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 11:06 am #

      Sara, if only I were as clever at 17 as you are now…good god, I would have been a GENIUS.


  25. Kourtney Heintz January 13, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

    I laughed at that video now. Guess I’m in good company.🙂 Love your stories La La.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 11:13 am #

      Thanks Kourtney. I have learned that I must stay a pervert to get what I want in this life (I have no idea what I’m even talking about now).


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