Lots of people on Facebook often go to the gym and enjoy boasting about their workouts. In their defense, I suppose I’d be proud of convincing myself to drive to a stinky gym after a long day of work, too.
Personally, I don’t like gyms. I do my own fitness routines at my house in my cold basement where the lighting is low and no one is around to see my boob sweat or watch me pick a wedgie. I’m an introvert, but it’s not my personality that makes me hate gyms so much. It’s more that I don’t like spending money for the following:
1. Waiting in line just to run in place, especially since running outside is available.
2. Trainers yelling at me. Some people are into that, I know, but I’m more into positive motivation. I used to take a kickboxing class with the Ravens trainer and he often screamed at me and one time he called me a “lazy mare.” Actually, what he said was, “I said speed kicks, you lazy mare!” Whatever. The joke was obviously on him because horses don’t even know about kickboxing.
3. Strange men with large muscles staring at me.
4. Old naked ladies in the locker room trying to converse with me and coming way too close with their weird boobs.
5. People watching my fitness class. I like the classes themselves, but it’s a bit like being part of a zoo exhibit…except I’m doing Zumba.
6. Yoga. I love yoga, but I prefer to do it alone because everyone knows not to trust hippy farts in a hot room.
7. Sweating or breathing heavily in front of other people–for some reason it reminds me of the way I feel when eating hot dogs in front of other people. I’d prefer to eat my hot dogs alone, thank you very much.