I Hate The Gym: Part 2

20 Mar

So what do you do if, like me, you hate the gym? Today I’m giving away somewhat juicy tips and free links for maintaining a kind of decent hot bod like mine. If you’re looking for “sort of sexy” results or maybe just need some new moves added to your repertoire, this is for you. Please note that I’m not a trainer or a doctor, just a 29-year-old poor writer who hates the gym and so, I improvise:
And side note, don’t let anyone see you doing the videos posted below. They get pretty embarrassing at some parts, especially if you’re trying Buti Yoga (don’t try it, but if you do, please tape it for me).
Some Fitness Tips That Might Work
1. Do cardio. Run or bike outside. Walk. If you look like a jackass doing those things, try a Zumba workout 4x per week. That’s what I do in my basement (and I keep the lighting low in case my boyfriend is secretly taping any of it). Sometimes I interchange this with a Persian cardio video or a routine that I come up with in my imagination. Basically, the key is to dance, jump around like an idiot, get your heart rate up and sweat for 50ish minutes.

Sometimes I throw in a run up the steps and weighted hula hoop freestyle or I break out my pink boxing gloves and punch the air like a fancy lady Rocky Balboa, but mostly I just dance and jump around and pretend I’m in a sexy music video. I lost 9 lbs doing this and this alone without changing my diet.

Free Zumba  (which I downloaded for free because of the quality)

Persian Cardio
2. Bodyweight training. Assuming I’m not too hungover, on Saturday mornings and Wednesdays I do a yoga class or core class taught by Jillian Michaels (who I hate) or Fiji McAlpine. This past week I tried Buti Yoga…which I don’t suggest unless you enjoy shaking your ass while in a push up position. Also, for the fellas, I think you all should try aerial yoga for my personal entertainment. Don’t forget to wear tight little shorts which will assist in whatever is happening here:
Screen Shot 2014-03-19 at 2.20.47 PM

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Jillian Michaels (makes me so angry)

Fiji McAlpine core yoga

Buti Yoga (good friggin’ luck)

Aerial Yoga (gentlemen, do this please)
3. Fad diets suck, so my diet is just me trying not to get too crazy with my boxed wine and pizza. I suggest only eating your feelings on 1 and a half nights of the week (or 2 maybe). During the rest of the week, I count my calories using MyFitnessPal and I hate myself for doing it and sometimes I yell at people, but it works and is extremely rewarding.
Soo, that’s it. I know I’m doing something right because a young gentleman referred to me as a “dime piece.” If you choose to partake in these activities, don’t forget to drink water and eat veggies and protein and stuff or whatever actual diet people tell you to do.

Remember, there’s still time to have the mediocre body you’ve always wanted by summer. Dude, it’s better than nothing.

41 Responses to “I Hate The Gym: Part 2”

  1. Katie March 20, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

    Body weight training is seriously the best. I’ve recently discovered the power of the BOSU ball, and I feel like being able to use it semi-properly has given me some serious fitness street cred.


    • La La March 20, 2014 at 3:46 pm #

      HMMM I will have to check that out. Thanks. πŸ™‚


  2. Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher March 20, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

    My dear, I’m pretty sure that’s a sex swing πŸ™‚


  3. Carrie Rubin March 20, 2014 at 3:46 pm #

    Jillian Michaels is annoying, but her yoga DVD is one of my favorites. I get bored easily, and she keeps that one moving along. Still, she’s kind of bossy in it…


    • La La March 20, 2014 at 3:48 pm #

      It is a good workout. I hate how she’s all “that’s yoga speak for…” and tries to sound all cool. Whatever, bossy fitness lady.


  4. The Philosophunculist March 20, 2014 at 4:39 pm #

    Yep, my whole goal isn’t to get super ripped, but to do just enough so I don’t balloon up.


    • La La March 20, 2014 at 5:04 pm #

      Right? No need to change the entire lifestyle to briefly achieve something for a month or so!


  5. El Guapo March 20, 2014 at 5:07 pm #

    I much prefer to wait for mid-summer, try something and fail hilariously, then tell myself “if only I’d worked out”.


    • La La March 20, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

      That’s also a good plan. I know it well as a great backup. πŸ™‚


  6. Lori D March 20, 2014 at 5:28 pm #

    This is a keeper. Thanks, Lauren.


    • La La March 20, 2014 at 6:29 pm #

      Haha anytime! πŸ™‚


  7. ddupre315 March 20, 2014 at 7:12 pm #

    Usually I change to my workout clothes in the bathroom at work after my day then walk over to the gym so I can just get started right away but last week I decided to go up to the locker room to change instead. I was down to my skivvies bent over when two high school girls walked passed behind me and I heard one say ew. Yeh, pretty sure she meant me. And I’ll never change in a locker room again. *destroyed by a teenage not prom queen*


    • La La March 20, 2014 at 7:30 pm #

      I hope you saw her and that you’ll say ew every time you look at her face. I’m sorry that happened. Yeesh.


  8. herdthinner March 21, 2014 at 1:50 am #

    I’ve been using myfitnesspal for about two years, and have lost much because of it, but have plateaued for about a year now.

    I call Jillian M. “That Woman.” I have her… 30 Days… of Shredding… or something DVD, and I turned off the sound by the second or third round. Also, I never made it past the half-assed version of the half-assed version, because I couldn’t do 4 sets of jumping jacks or 4 sets of pushups. I wish my body were capable of generating endorphins. Or if it is, I sure as heck can’t tell.

    All the whining aside, I do acknowledge on an intellectual level that exercising is beneficial. It’s the NON intellectual side of me that needs work.


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 8:25 am #

      Aw congrats! Glad you agree about Jillian. The plateau moments are rough and I too am experiencing that. It’s hard to stay motivated. To be honest, I’ve lost 42 lbs total over 3 years. I’ve bounced a bit here and there, but 42 is the current total when I hit the plateau. My fitness pal has been great–I almost obsess over it sometimes. Do you have much more to go? I’m trying for 10 more at least.


      • herdthinner March 21, 2014 at 10:40 pm #

        It depends on who you ask. I think I’d be happy with 25 more pounds, but considering how I’m carrying the weight I am now, it might need to be more. If you ask my supervisor, who’s approx. my height, she’d tell you I should weigh 100-105lbs like she does. I DO NOT WANT TO WEIGH 100 LBS. The effort involved in getting there would be beyond my limits.


  9. gingerfightback March 21, 2014 at 4:29 am #

    That swing is just ridiculous!


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 8:18 am #

      ….you said just before you bought one.


      • gingerfightback March 21, 2014 at 9:57 am #

        Hence the neck brace I am wearing


        • La La March 21, 2014 at 9:59 am #

          But the reason you’ll be rich after suing!


          • gingerfightback March 21, 2014 at 10:22 am #

            I don’t think I was using it in the correct manner or with the appropriate moral code.


            • La La March 21, 2014 at 10:29 am #

              Fair enough. I probably wouldn’t either.


  10. David Stewart March 21, 2014 at 6:02 am #

    Wow, that picture is epic, guy with a long white beard on those purple swingy things. I don’t have what it takes, I think. πŸ™‚


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 8:17 am #

      Kind of looks like he’s hang gliding, no?


  11. battlewagon13 March 21, 2014 at 9:02 am #

    I exercise my lungs regularly by breathing in and out. Occasionally I take that to a high-energy workout by coughing or sneezing. You can use these too if you want.


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 3:47 pm #

      I’ll try this one next!


  12. Andrew March 21, 2014 at 10:06 am #

    I want to criticize, but wizards need to exercise too.


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 10:32 am #

      True, there is no magic wand available to magically create the perfect bod.


  13. Chowderhead March 21, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

    Yes, I like to throw in the hula hoop too. We are on the same page there.


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 3:01 pm #

      Yeaaaah, I figured that was the case. It’s a given, really.


  14. The Cutter March 21, 2014 at 3:35 pm #

    Um, is that picture of your basement? Do you have a shuffleboard court in your basement?


    • La La March 21, 2014 at 3:46 pm #

      I do. I totally have shuffleboard court tiles in my retro basement!


      • The Cutter March 21, 2014 at 4:21 pm #

        Your basement is officially awesome.


  15. Trent Lewin March 22, 2014 at 10:39 am #

    Tis better than nuthin… a dime piece… Haven’t heard that in a while. Or, like, ever. Just wanted to say that photos of that bearded guy gave me a very strange reaction that I’m not totally comfortable with… thanks a lot, La La.


    • La La March 22, 2014 at 6:21 pm #

      Sooo…I guess that means you won’t be trying it?


      • Trent Lewin March 23, 2014 at 12:09 am #

        My gym has that type of thing – all these ropes and cloths hanging from the ceiling. Haven’t tried the class yet, but I imagine I will. Something about using your own weight to work yourself out appeals to me, seems efficient.


        • La La March 23, 2014 at 7:20 am #

          Agreed. That’s how I found out I’m so very weak.


  16. Alex March 28, 2014 at 9:30 am #

    The best hot-body guide I’ve read in a long time!
    I have an instagram account, a couple of new fancy yoga pants, and some miraculous protein shake drinks, but I haven’t managed to get into the fitness frenzy no matter how hard I try. I was thinking about having a climbing wall installed in our basement, since that is probably the only kind of strength and endurance exercise method, which is a bit fun at the same time, but I really don’t have those spare 50k. I see aerial yoga as my only option. I just hope I find the nice violet color equipment somewhere in TKMaxx.


    • La La March 28, 2014 at 9:44 am #

      Alex, you’re in luck. Forget those protein shakes! YouTube and aerial yoga are about to save you! πŸ˜‰

      Thanks for the comment!


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