Here is how to have a good day today whether you’re happily married, single, your wife hates you, or your boyfriend is abroad:
1. Quit yer bitching and be grateful.
2. Look nice. Shave for once. It feels good to look good.
3. Wear something festive. Today my underpants are pink. It’s like a secret party in there that no one can see.
4. Eat a lot of M&M’s.
5. Give candy to your co-workers because the fatter they are, the happier you are.
6. Laugh at funny things on the internet.
7. Fart on really pretty people. They deserve it.
8. Dance and/or drink excessively.
9. Eat more M&M’s.
10. Go to bed remembering that some people only feel special today while YOU feel special every day.
