A number of people have told me that I am very profound when I drink. I decided to write what I’m thinking/saying over a couple of drinking sessions to see if I could come up with answers to some of life’s biggest questions. It didn’t happen, at least not yet:
1. Hugging really is kind of funny when you think of it as a strangle you haven’t finished yet.
2. Is there a god? If so, I wonder if he reads my blog. If he does, he probably shakes his head a lot.
3. I am lying on my bathroom floor. I’m topless. My puppy is sitting at my head and I’m wondering, does he know I drank too much? Is he judging me? I wish he knew how to get me some Taco Bell. Or just a snack. I just asked him to get the snack and he’s just staring at me.
4. How many licks to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop? They say the world may never know, but I do know–it’s 314. I have the certificate to prove it.
5. If I could go back in time, I’d have a serious make out session with Potsie from Happy Days. He’s so dreamy.
6. Why won’t anyone in this hot tub harmonize with me? Dina harmonizes with me. I wish she was here in this hot tub. Hot Tub Harmonies–our new singing group.
7. Guys, I have a good idea. What if we take pictures of our breasts (clothed) in different spots so you can see a chest to the side and like….my science lab in the background? Boobs in the Workplace: An Exploration. OR how about boobs in the front, and beautiful scenery in the background? Except we would be wearing clothes. Boobs around the world, but clothed. A calendar. Think about it.
8. I want Dwayne Wayne glasses. I actually want to be him for Halloween, but I understand that wouldn’t be very easy, so I will settle for the glasses.