my milkshake brings all the crazies to the yard

18 Nov

I’m still not exactly sure what Kelis means by “milkshake,” but I would like to announce that I am an owner of one. How do I know? It started last year. Before I had a milkshake, my yard was void of all the boys and now that I have a milkshake, my yard is overflowing with them.

It sounds exciting, I know, but wouldn’t this have been way more useful about 5 years ago? I don’t want it now. It’s too overwhelming. I’m busy and I just want to live my life. Also, it’s not like it’s just nice, honest, hot guys up in my yard–I’ve got old guys, creepers, crazies, homeless men, trashmen, white trash men, hipsters, douche bags, married dudes, alcoholics, 15-year-old boys, a guy with anger issues, guys with girlfriends who want threesomes and even a guy with a foot fetish.

How do I give back this milkshake!? I think I got a dud or something. I just want to be me and be with someone who is himself and together we’ll fit.

Also, whoever that person is would probably find this funny:

5 Responses to “my milkshake brings all the crazies to the yard”

Kristy November 18, 2011 at 3:44 pm #

I hope you find someone who is just as funny as you!

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jillian November 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

i have to tell you. i read this three times before i knew that you meant “white trash” men. i just thought you were reiterating that trash men want your milkshakes, even the white ones.

oh boy, it’s monday.

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roboticrhetoric November 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

wow, the olde english thing is bloody brilliant. Thanks for sharing!

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Pigeon Heart December 4, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

haha! yes! share your ingredients, girlfriend!! it must be so hard, being so coveted and desired. I am SO sorry for you. goodness.

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- La La December 7, 2011 at 12:44 pm #
  
  I hope someone follows you to your home soon so you can feel the love, too 😉
  
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