Who wants to take my 2012 virginity?

18 May

It’s happening again–the mens wanna get with me. To be honest, I hate it when my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard because it’s always a weird mix of sex fiends and complete dorks.

All those fuckers are lined up around the block and they only want 1 thing–my 2012 virginity. Yes, it has been awhile, and it’s about time I give it up. Which one of those lucky fellas will it be? It’s going to be hard, but tomorrow I make my choice.

Will it be you? Yeaaah, you would like that, wouldn’t you? I bet you’re looking forward to bending me over my desk and showing me how good you are at your “sexy” man stuff. One minute of ecstasy never sounded so good.

I’ll do anything. you. want. First, though, you’ll have to get me nice and liquored up so I take off my clothes (a cheap bottle of wine should do it).

Now…first my heels, then my shirt…my skirt…. followed by my


Ahh..nice to breathe again….and oh baby, you’ll just lose your mind when I take off my

I know how you like seeing hard nipples. All the time. My left one is a little slow, but I want to keep you satisfied.

Oh, and  please just ignore my  “my breast friend” cooling patches–it gets hot in that body suit….

…and finally, you’ll lick you lips when I remove my leopard print booty pop panties.

It best be perky if you have to stare at it, darling. I’ll just keep on my makeup until you pass out.

Sexy Saturday, here I come (and if I don’t, I guess while you’re snoring I can just go ahead and take care of that myself)!


52 Responses to “Who wants to take my 2012 virginity?”

  1. Carolina Courtland May 18, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    I didn’t know about those breast coolers. Got to get me some.


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

      Right? Those are actually a good idea. I could wear them when I run.


  2. crubin May 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    As a woman who only recently learned what Spanx were, all these “enhancement” gadgets were an eye opener, once again reiterating why I can never stop reading the blog of a single, twenty-something woman who’s about to get…


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

      Spanx — panty hose on crack.


  3. chrisdevoss May 18, 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    Somethings are better handled by yourself. 😉


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

      That reminds me, I need to go back to that amazon site you posted about last month.


  4. Frivolous Monsters May 18, 2012 at 2:19 pm #

    Love it. You women are so complicated!
    I think I’ll hold onto my 2012 for longer than you.
    At least you have local sex fiends!


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

      You men are, too! Good luck out there.


  5. Lori DiNardi May 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    Whew, I read this title in my email notification and thought you were talking to me? Heh. I was going to tell you to count me out! Perhaps you have some devices at home that can help you with that? I’d personally not give mine up to some skeeve who doesn’t care about me, but what do I know? I’m too old to care so much anymore. ;-P (P.S. hope you don’t go looking for that coach who asked if you wanted to fuck, bleh)


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

      Oh no worries, Lori, I have standards 😉


  6. Pigeon Heart May 18, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

    haaaaaa. good luck gettin a piece tomorra, hot stuff. shouldn’t be too hard. (;


  7. Madame Weebles May 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    You kill me. Whoever gets to pop your 2012 cherry will be a lucky man indeed.


  8. Elliot May 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    Got to love the nipple bra. One to wear at a job interview perhaps? Although that wouldn’t work for me. Oh well good luck tomorrow. Erm, that also sounds like you need the luck when you don’t.

    Oh, I give up. I can’t even pick a phone cover for my wife today…

    Have fun.


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

      Hey…not a bad idea…and thank you. If you need help with that phone cover, let me know!


    • Anne June 4, 2012 at 11:45 am #



  9. What I Desired To Say May 18, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

    A pretty girl like you don’t need luck, you just need to get out of the apartment once in a while.


  10. Kyle May 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    enjoy that minute 😉


    • La La May 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm #

      I’d rather get a minute with you!


      • Kyle May 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

        aw, thank you – i’m not sure i can last a full minute though


        • La La May 19, 2012 at 8:38 am #

          hahaha, ok, well, 45 seconds would do, I guess.


          • Kyle May 19, 2012 at 8:48 am #

            then we have a date 😉


  11. RFL May 18, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

    Hilarious! Good luck out there. I hope you find someone worthy 🙂


  12. becca3416 May 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm #

    Hahaha this was me two weekends ago (not the getting lucky part). Spanx may make you look flawless but they feel like absolute shit to wear.


    • La La May 19, 2012 at 8:35 am #

      The funny thing is that we rarely even need it, but it really does give a flawless look. A flawless, breathless, gosh-it’s-warm-in-here-I-can’t-wait-to-take-this-thing-off look.


  13. Simon May 18, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    Don’t feel too self conscious, my left one is a little slow too.


    • La La May 19, 2012 at 8:28 am #

      You’re hilarious.


      • Simon May 19, 2012 at 9:54 am #

        approx. 23% of people suffer from LNS (lazy nip syndrome) I am running a 5K to raise awareness next week.


        • La La May 19, 2012 at 10:14 am #

          It’s such an important cause. Stay strong, brother.


  14. Simon May 18, 2012 at 9:41 pm #

    BTW, I found this blog searching for the tag Booty Pop. It was one of 3 that came up.


    • La La May 19, 2012 at 8:28 am #

      HA, well I googled it and the third result was “how to booty pop” so I clicked on it and then I felt like I entered a time warp of youtube videos. Thanks for that.


      • Simon May 19, 2012 at 9:50 am #

        well, seeing as how this evening has been earmarked for sexy love time maybe the videos were helpful. Just be careful with all that poppin you don’t spill your milkshake.


  15. Lau May 19, 2012 at 1:22 am #

    Who ever needs plastic surgery? Sign me up for the butt pads please.


    • La La May 19, 2012 at 8:18 am #

      haha exactly, so much less hassle.


  16. pivoine68 May 19, 2012 at 5:35 am #

    I love cheap wine too!

    Bisous La La,
    Dawn, Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on….


  17. diirrty May 19, 2012 at 6:12 am #

    Which ‘one’ of those lucky fellas? Why not take two and have them fist fight over you. The wiiner, is the winner!


    • La La May 19, 2012 at 8:17 am #

      I am so down with this idea! You, sir, are a genius.


  18. Kyle May 19, 2012 at 10:35 am #

    Reblogged this on kylemew.com and commented:

    form an orderly queue please gentlemen


  19. thedomnextdoor May 19, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    If this was ghostwritten it would be perfect 😀


  20. milfee May 19, 2012 at 11:32 am #

    awesome!! Love it, sexy at first then hilarious!!


    • La La May 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

      Yay, you got it! Thank you.


      • milfee May 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

        Of course!! sometimes I feel that way when I am trying to seduce a man, “ignore the pad and granny pants, its part of my sex appeal”


  21. Kourtney Heintz May 20, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

    Lol. Love all those accessories. Best keep the lights off so the transition isn’t so startling. 😛


  22. Maggie O'C May 21, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    simon and lala make me happy.

    LaLa you are one Twisted Sister. I heart you.


  23. Titillating Thoughts June 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    Nothing sexier than a miraclesuit.


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