How I finally decided to book my vacation.

6 Jun

I can honestly say that nothing funny or even partially delightful has happened for a week. This is a funk (and not the good kind). I had a couple crappy medical issues this week and got blood work this morning. I have tiny veins and I hate having blood taken because of it. The technician talked to my arm passive aggressively for a few minutes and we found that the 4th try is a charm.

Then came the urine sample–my least favorite part of the whole Quest Diagnostics experience because I always manage to pee on myself. I walked to the bathroom, opened the door and a man was standing there with his ween out and his pants around his ankles. I laughed and shut the door.

As I waited for him to come out, I realized I have seen 3 dicks recently, but not one of them was there for my enjoyment. Seriously, how upsetting. My body is angry at me and I don’t have a man’s dick to enjoy for myself. What am I doing here, anyway? What is my life?

So, I went home and bought a plane ticket to Miami. Sure, that doesn’t change anything. My body will still be angry and there won’t be a dick for me to enjoy in Florida either, but at least it will be happening on the beach and not in Baltimore City. I have never needed a break more than I need this one. I leave Monday.


35 Responses to “How I finally decided to book my vacation.”

  1. Frivolous Monsters June 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

    You are one funny girl. This is funny, this right here being able to turn the everyday event or minor incident into a witty tale. And I love your frank manor! And you are not alone… sort of… because I’d swap mine (well perhaps loan out) for breasts… Ah breasts… It’s a funny world we live in. Enjoy your holiday.


    • La La June 7, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      Hahaha “ah breasts.” I’d switch you for a day, but that’s 1. not a freaky friday I’d want to watch and 2. I think I just want a dude to do me. πŸ™‚


  2. Maggie O'C June 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    There could be dick down in Flahrida, but it might be geriatric. Get tan and be beautiful, more beautiful than you are already! xo


  3. RFL June 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    Enjoy your trip! This post was hilarious as usual, but I’m sorry about the medical stuff and the unexpected ween sightings.


    • La La June 7, 2012 at 9:10 am #

      Haha thanks. Catching up on your blog now!


  4. crubin June 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

    Well, the good news is, there are bound to be some foreign guys in Florida sporting some nice little Speedos for you, thereby increasing your weenie sighting numbers, albeit covered.

    Sorry about the medical stuff. Hope it turns out okay.


  5. becca3416 June 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Go you. Get away. Can I come? You may not have a dick but you can always have a dirty martini! Neither really relate I suppose but at least the latter will help you forget for a while :). Unless you don’t like olives.


  6. Simon June 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm #

    So I am sorry about the medical stuff and hope it gets better and am happy for you that you are taking a needed break but the thing I can’t get past is what kind of grown man pees with his pants around his ankles?


    • La La June 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm #

      Actually, I was wondering the same thing, but didn’t want to ask and sound stupid not knowing that all men do it or something haha. Thanks for your kind words!


      • Simon June 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

        yeah, I would say that moment was not much for an ice breaker to start a conversation. The man-baby was probably glad you didn’t ask.


        • La La June 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

          No I meant ask a different man, hahaha!!


          • Simon June 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

            oh. right, of course. Carry on.


  7. Madame Weebles June 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm #

    I too am sorry about the medical issues you’re having–want me to come down there and kick your doctor’s ass? πŸ˜‰ I’m glad you’re going to Miami–sometimes you need to shake things up a little. Go to Miami and enjoy, and before long you’ll be having a Sausage Fest.


  8. Christopher De Voss June 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    Plenty of dicks down here in Florida…oh, and some jackasses plus quite a few douche bags. Enjoy.


  9. Pete Armetta June 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

    Well why you’re seeing weens is bizarro haha And maybe you’ll happen upon a nice one in Florida. Sounds great you’re having a getaway. We all need to get out of Dodge once in awhile. And Miami can’t be beat! Have a great time!


    • La La June 7, 2012 at 9:08 am #

      Thanks Pete, it’s no VA.


      • Pete Armetta June 7, 2012 at 10:04 am #

        It is what it is. You could have just come this far, I know you like it here. πŸ™‚


  10. Lori DiNardi June 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    I’ve been to Quest 3 times in the last couple of months. I’m having health issues myself. The latest is a demon stomach flu and I’m having a tough time getting my strength back. I hope you’re feeling better soon. Too bad you aren’t coming my way in Florida. If I was strong enough I’d have met you for a drink.


    • La La June 7, 2012 at 9:08 am #

      Thanks Lori, I hope you feel better soon! My heart is just being rude to me, and it needs to get itself together. I would have gladly met you for a drink!


  11. kelsgonebush June 7, 2012 at 6:49 am #

    Hey you just never know πŸ˜‰ Hope you feel better afterwards anyway !!! Xx


  12. Pigeon Heart June 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm #

    ebb and flow, mamita. you neva know where a nice one may come from (;
    besides “sperm flies when your having fun”. the future is wide open. feel better. aaaand you just inspired me to book my tix to Honduras. thanks!


    • La La June 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm #

      I am so glad. Go get ’em, you rock πŸ˜‰


  13. Carolina Courtland June 7, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    It’s lines like this that make me love you: “I realized I have seen 3 dicks recently, but not one of them was there for my enjoyment”



  14. Trip X June 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    I guess I’m going to have to come to Baltimore and stalk you. You’ll have your dick for pleasure then, or maybe I’ll just stop with my tongue….
    I always enjoy reading what you have written! You’re a joy to read! I hope you are able to cure that itch in Florida.


    • La La June 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

      Now now, no stalking….keep that wife happy!


  15. gingerfightback June 9, 2012 at 7:12 am #

    Have a good break – remember the penis mightier than the sword. If you see Don Johnson in Florida send him my regards!


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