Charm City Heroine Versus Junkie

3 Oct

Every now and then, a charm city chick might find herself crouched on the floor behind her bed, waiting for the police to arrive. It’s in that moment she realizes the only person she really has is herself, so she better get her dull knife ready in case she has to stab a bitch.

She focuses on her breath as she hears the intruder’s footsteps get louder. For some reason she is steady and unafraid. She smiles and wonders if maybe Baltimore should be considered a training course for the zombie apocalypse (our silly heroine has a habit of making jokes to herself during serious moments).

When the police turn up, she discovers it was just the neighbor’s junkie son trying to break into the wrong house. No big deal, he’s cool most of the time.

Or is it a big deal?

This was her fifth call to the police in four years. Most people don’t call the police that much, but she often finds herself observing or being a part of very odd situations involving very odd people–usually in the John Waters sense. Despite all the laughs she gets from these characters, she doesn’t always enjoy living in Baltimore, especially when she’s in danger or things get out of hand.

Why does she stay? Well, it’s interesting how family ties might keep a heroine in a place she doesn’t want to live.

Little does she know (okay, she knows) that soon she will be invited by the story’s hero to try somewhere and something completely new. He has a few things to take care of first (you know, hero stuff). When he finally asks her to come with him, it is advised that he arrive on a magic carpet and be prepared for a duet.

Just saying.



Will she then accept his offer? I wouldn’t know. Until we find out, someone should probably buy that girl a better knife…and a large suitcase.

32 Responses to “Charm City Heroine Versus Junkie”

  1. becca3416 at 2:18 pm #

    This is all too mysteriously vague for me. I need to know exactly who you are referring to and where exactly you are going, okay. I thought this was an understood stipulation of our relationship.


    • La La at 2:26 pm #

      It’s a story! You will wait for the next chapter. Or you will email me.


  2. Carrie Rubin at 2:50 pm #

    I hope this is a made-up story that didn’t actually happen to you. If it did happen to you, I hope you get a taser.


    • La La at 2:52 pm #

      Thank you for caring. This would be the second time, actually, so I’d like a taser. Is it true you have to be tased to own one?


      • Carrie Rubin at 2:58 pm #

        Well, I own one, and I’ve never been tased. Not yet, anyway…

        Be safe, Missy! I had two of my places broken into when I was in college. I lived in some major dumps. It’s not fun to be scared.


  3. mikeakin1 at 2:58 pm #

    Go south, Texas, or Louisiana with your buddy Becca 🙂


    • La La at 3:58 pm #

      Hmm…how did you know I am headed south?


      • mikeakin1 at 4:05 pm #

        I didn’t know…it was a suggestion 🙂


  4. Madame Weebles at 3:01 pm #

    Good lord, sister, you need a SWAT team! Glad you’re okay and that the “disturbance” was “only” the junkie.

    Quite interesting developments happening with you and Our Hero… my my my!


    • La La at 3:53 pm #

      Squeeee! And thank you. I’d love a SWAT team!


  5. sweetmother at 3:05 pm #

    ugh, scary… friendly junkie or not, he coulda been stabbed. i don’t know, girl, you might have to get some place safer… xo, sm


  6. gingerfightback at 3:27 pm #

    Honestly, you Americans!


    • La La at 3:37 pm #

      Hush, Ginger O’Lastname.


  7. Maddie Cochere at 4:31 pm #

    I’m sorry for the scary parts, but like where the future may be going.


  8. Christopher De Voss at 4:32 pm #

    so scary…from the guy on your roof, to the guy with the seatbeltless flying carpet. I’ll come get you in a Mazda 5.


    • La La at 5:54 pm #

      Safe and affordable. Count me in, baby.


  9. Kathy V. at 4:40 pm #

    But if you leave Baltimore, you’ll have to change the name of your blog.


    • La La at 5:53 pm #

      Crap. Calling it off!


      • Kathy V. at 6:33 pm #

        Hooray! I don’t want all the cool people to move out and leave only the junkies and hillbillies.


      • calahan at 6:55 pm #

        I did a little research and found a small Ohio town named Charm. That’s the only option I’ve found if you want to keep your blog title the same.


        • La La at 7:04 pm #

          Well he’s from Ohio, it can’t hurt to tell him he’s moving back there. Thanks Mike!


  10. diirrty at 4:53 pm #

    There’s a question that goes unanswered. Did the junkie find your junk?


    • La La at 5:53 pm #

      I love when you stop by. I really do!


  11. RFL at 5:57 pm #

    Is it true you only get to bring one large suitcase on a magic carpet? Dislike the junkie trying to break in, but I’m intrigued by the new development in your story.


  12. kenthinksaloud at 7:02 am #

    Eek! Not my idea of fun! The worst I’ve had is our car burgled overnight and our drunk neighbour bang on our door because he was at the wrong house and couldn’t get in! Glad you were ok and didn’t need a weapon in the end. Stay safe 🙂


  13. Love & Lunchmeat at 9:13 am #

    Yikes, do I know this chick? Is she prone to bursting into song and dance routines? If so, she might want to consider an alarm system and/or self-defense classes.

    I remember this one apartment I lived in right after graduating from college. I used to see red and blue lights there every night. It took me a while to realize what those red and blue lights were… Also, the elevator always smelled like pee. Thank God for deadbolts.


    • La La at 11:05 am #

      You know her well. Alarm system is a good idea, at least the kind for the windows.Thank god for deadbolts indeed!


  14. bharatwrites at 1:23 pm #

    I’m guessing this is only a part of a story you’re writing. Reads well so far—in a non-linear sort of way.


  15. Viciously Sweet at 3:04 am #

    We are be similar creatures Miss Lala! Mostly I get people using my backyard as a place to hide from the cops or try to stash the purses they steal from old ladies.
    I’m hoping for a Prince Phillip type to whisk me away too (I like his red cape and his ability to dance with strangers in forests) but all I ever find at gross Gaston’s and thieves in my backyard 🙂


    • La La at 10:28 am #

      Finally, someone who understands. The question remains, do you leave the drugs in the garden when you notice them, or do you remove the baggie?


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