The other day my boyfriend was teaching me how to throw a football so it does that spirally thing. I don’t know why I wanted it to do the thing, I just wanted it to do the thing.
I also wanted to get more power behind the throw, so he told me to use my torso to rotate my shoulders and blah blah blah long story short, I eventually threw it as perfectly as anyone could with all the spirals and sparkles and everything, but when I did, what do you think happened?
A. I fell on my face
B. I ripped a colossal fart
C. I pulled a muscle
D. All of the above
Wouldn’t that suck and be super embarrassing if it was D? Well guess what, it was totally D. Of course it was D. Go big or go home, I always say.
From across the yard my boyfriend yelled, “Ohhhhh nooooooo!” in what I swear was slow motion as my dog ran over to assess the unfortunate situation. I guess I’m just sad no one got it on camera so we could win $10,000 on America’s Funniest Videos. Is that show still on? I still don’t have cable.
Sigh. Stay tuned as I continue to cultivate awkward seeds in my ever-expanding garden of gracelessness.