Archive | February, 2014

Ricky

20 Feb

We had a meeting this morning. When it was over, this guy Ricky asked for my office phone number so I could give him more details. So I gave it to him and then said in my proudest, smoothest voice, “Ricky, don’t lose that number.”

Yes, my friends, it was a perfectly executed joke about one of Steely Dan’s most popular songs, “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number.” Not only that, but it was expertly delivered to the perfect audience–a room full of 40-50 year old men who all appreciated it and laughed…except for Ricky. My smile faded as he sat there looking at me blankly. Then, the most preposterous thing happened:

 

______

Me: You know, like the song by Steely Dan?

Ricky: I don’t know Steely Dan.

______

 
Weird.

I let it slide, but I’ve been stewing ever since. Really, Ricky?  How is it possible to have zero knowledge of Steely Dan when you’re an American man in your 40s–especially if your name is Ricky? You’re actually telling me no one has used that line on you before? Do you have a radio? Can you hear? Do you even enjoy music? 

Are you really saying your friends never mentioned it? That’s impossible. Clearly you have no friends or the worst friends ever.

You know, it’s not like you have to be in love with Steely Dan to know the song. You don’t even have to know the song is by Steely Dan. What’s important is that the majority of American men over the age of 25 have heard “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number,” even if it was just at the grocery store or in a friend’s car or something.

That includes you, Ricky. I know you’ve heard it and I’m on to you, you monster.

Phew.

So get this, you guys. As I was sitting here writing this and stewing away, I got an email. From Ricky.

 

Screen Shot3 2014

 

Ricky went right ahead and lost my number. Unless he’s a great liar, he may not even understand how funny that is. What an ass.

I refuse to give it to him again. Surely this is a sick joke or some kind of plan to make me lose my mind. Whatever. You can go send my middle finger off in a letter to yourself, bud, because you’ll never win. Do you hear me?

You’ll NEVER WIN.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfZWp-hGCdA&feature=kp

Tags: , , ,

Sparkly, Safe and Funny Inside

18 Feb

On the night we met, I thought he was just goofy and weird (he is), but I remember walking into my quiet house after he dropped me off and something felt different. “That guy’s a weirdo,” I thought to myself–but it wasn’t bad. I felt sparkly and safe and funny inside.

It has been one year and I still feel that way. Friday was my first Valentine’s Day with someone in a couple of years. At first I felt strange about it because I kept thinking about the final Valentine’s Day I had with my ex-boyfriend before he passed away. That evening he said I had to straighten my wavy hair because it was “too wild” and later that I seemed unhappy and was “impossible to please.”

It made me think about my expectations and I felt bad, but he was right, I wasn’t happy. Despite the fancy Valentine’s Day presentation, I didn’t have fun and I didn’t know why.

Last weekend I learned, however, that it’s not that I am “impossible to please.” It isn’t that I didn’t appreciate fine dining and $94 Vera Wang roses in a silver julep cup that were meant to sweep me off my feet with modern sophistication. It was that I needed to be with someone goofy and weird who gives me room to be myself, have fun and let my hair flow freely. That’s just who I am.

The best thing I ever did was take the time to be honest with myself about who I am and what I was looking for in a relationship. BEST. IDEA. EVER. It seems like it would be such a simple thing to do, doesn’t it? But it isn’t easy for all of us, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So, now things are different. On Friday, we had our own version of a romantic weekend and it was the best I’ve ever had, even if the cupcakes weren’t perfect and even if we looked out the window and saw this:

 

 

1797448_10101336025356455_1745882462_n

 

 

 

Tags: ,