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Ricky

20 Feb

We had a meeting this morning. When it was over, this guy Ricky asked for my office phone number so I could give him more details. So I gave it to him and then said in my proudest, smoothest voice, “Ricky, don’t lose that number.”

Yes, my friends, it was a perfectly executed joke about one of Steely Dan’s most popular songs, “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number.” Not only that, but it was expertly delivered to the perfect audience–a room full of 40-50 year old men who all appreciated it and laughed…except for Ricky. My smile faded as he sat there looking at me blankly. Then, the most preposterous thing happened:

 

______

Me: You know, like the song by Steely Dan?

Ricky: I don’t know Steely Dan.

______

 
Weird.

I let it slide, but I’ve been stewing ever since. Really, Ricky?  How is it possible to have zero knowledge of Steely Dan when you’re an American man in your 40s–especially if your name is Ricky? You’re actually telling me no one has used that line on you before? Do you have a radio? Can you hear? Do you even enjoy music? 

Are you really saying your friends never mentioned it? That’s impossible. Clearly you have no friends or the worst friends ever.

You know, it’s not like you have to be in love with Steely Dan to know the song. You don’t even have to know the song is by Steely Dan. What’s important is that the majority of American men over the age of 25 have heard “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number,” even if it was just at the grocery store or in a friend’s car or something.

That includes you, Ricky. I know you’ve heard it and I’m on to you, you monster.

Phew.

So get this, you guys. As I was sitting here writing this and stewing away, I got an email. From Ricky.

 

Screen Shot3 2014

 

Ricky went right ahead and lost my number. Unless he’s a great liar, he may not even understand how funny that is. What an ass.

I refuse to give it to him again. Surely this is a sick joke or some kind of plan to make me lose my mind. Whatever. You can go send my middle finger off in a letter to yourself, bud, because you’ll never win. Do you hear me?

You’ll NEVER WIN.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfZWp-hGCdA&feature=kp

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Ultimate Makeout Session Mix

17 Dec

Yesterday I learned that many of you have listened to certain songs when having or imagining a makeout session. From this prompt I also learned that I know a bunch of wonderful weirdos.

As a little gift to you this holiday season, I made a playlist of our songs to help listeners have an amazing makeout session!

Long time lovers? Trying to impress someone on the first date? This playlist will work wonders–I promise. Okay, so maybe the results were a little different from what I imagined….and there are a few ads in there so that’s annoying, but the playlist will serve its purpose so you better do so much kissing and touching and stuff to these songs! DO IT. ALL THE SEXY TIMES.

Just think, soon this could be you:

the-10-worst-kisses-in-the-universe-1-12314-1366168761-10_big

But hopefully better. This is not good. Don’t do it this way.

Whoever you’re kissing will thank me later (because he or she has probably never swapped spit during “Kokomo” AND Cher on the same day).

I, as you already know, chose “Return to Innocence” by Enigma. Below I included links to the writers and artists who participated and their songs of choice. I encourage folks to check them out as they are extremely talented and some of my very favorite creative people on all of the internets!

All of the song suggestions can be found on the Ultimate Makeout Session Mix playlist.  Enjoy!

Jason, thejasonmingle: Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time

Amy, The Bumble Files: Phil Collins – Take a Look at Me Now

Emily, The Waiting: Anything by Pearl Jam due to an Eddie Vedder crush, so I chose “Even Flow.”

Madame Weebles: Soul II Soul – Back to Life

Johnny Ojanpera: Roxette – It Must Have Been Love

Jason, The Life of JWo: Warrant – Cherry Pie

Jen and Tonic: Beach Boys – Kokomo

Vyvy, Vyvacious: Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On

TJ Lubrano: Backstreet Boys – Nobody but You

RidicuRyder: Bobby Darin – Mack the Knife

Trent Lewin: Anything by Abba, so I chose the song “Fernando.”

Steph Rogers, She Said What: Nelly Furtado – Magical World (Bassnectar Remix)

Becca, 25 To Fly: Sevyn Streeter feat. Chris Brown – It Won’t Stop (I chose this over John Mayer because John Mayer once said, “My dick is sort of like a white supremacist” soooo…).

Ginger Fight Back: Dr Feelgood – Milk and Alcohol

Songs for Hurricane Sandy

28 Oct

If you’re like me and ready (absolutely unprepared) to hunker down because of the hurricane, you might enjoy a little music while braving the storm before your batteries die…and you’re left all alone…just you and your thoughts by candlelight. Awesome. And hey, if anything happens to your windows and you need replacements, here’s some advice

Good luck out there. Be safe.

1. Jimmy Buffett – Tryin’ to Reason With Hurricane Season

 

2. Eurythmics – Here Comes The Rain Again

 

3. CCR – Who’ll Stop The Rain

 

4. Edie Brickell – A Hard Rain’s A Gonna Fall (love this version a lot)

 

5. The Doors – Riders on the storm

 
6. Bruce Springsteen – Sandy

 
7. Scorpions – Rock You Like A Hurricane (duh)

 
8. The Who – Love Reign O’er Me (see what I did there?)

 
9. The Cult – Rain

 
10. Florence + The Machine

Power Ballad Serenade

19 Oct

Last night, as I sat down to relax after my long work day, I was startled by a man right outside my window singing at the top of his lungs, “I wanna know what love is, I want you to shoooow me!”

I hoped and prayed that he was drunk and/or had the wrong house. I peered through the blinds, but it was dark and I couldn’t quite make out his face. He continued singing, “I wanna feel what love is, I know you can shoooow me!!”

I opened the window and shouted down to him, “Do I know you?!”

“Yeah! It’s me!” he yelled back. I squinted, but still couldn’t see him.

Just then, the woman across the street opened her window and screamed, “I’m over here, jackass!”

Giggling, I shut the window and watched him turn and stumble across the street. I went back to relaxing and waited patiently for Christopher to get home from work so I could tell him the story and secretly I hoped we would then have a Foreigner sing-along. We did.

Oh please, don’t look at me like that. Everyone loves a power ballad. Which is your favorite? I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna knnooooowww…

 

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