I didn’t have a smartphone for a whole week, and here’s what happened.
First, I spoke aloud to other humans. Did you know there are humans on this planet that want to interact with you? They will look you dead in the eye and read your body language and talk with their voices. Then, they expect you to talk back at them with your voice. Honestly, I don’t recommend diving into this right away if you aren’t ready because the intensity of the situation could be uncomfortable. Plus, you have to wear pants. I often prefer my interactions with others to be on a mobile device when I’m alone in my home and sans pants. I’m sure you understand what I mean.
Next, I discovered there was plenty of time to focus on the things I had wanted to do, such as exercise outside, write, read, meditate and cook new meals. It was fun, but when those ran out I focused on tasks I needed to do because there was enough time for those, too. Plenty of it. Too much time, quite frankly, and if you experience that dreaded day when your phone passes into the technology spirit world, you too will face the parts of your life you avoid. Yes, avoid, although you may not notice it because your smartphone is currently lurking in the deepest, darkest chasms of your own ass.
To continue avoiding things, I suppose you could binge-watch Fuller House on Netflix and eat yourself into a cheese coma. There’s always that. Or you could watch porn on your laptop, I guess, if that’s how you waste your time instead of getting it on in real life. I, however, chose to face the things I avoid, and you know what? Ugh. I remembered why I avoided those things in the first place.
During this period I also had more time to learn stuff. At one point, I learned way too much information about how to seduce a ghost and then I spent way too much time trying to decide if I even wanted to have sexual relations with a ghost–it could get freaky real quick, after all (freaky in either the sexy way or the scary way, or possibly even both, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out).
In the end, I decided against it because I knew I’d somehow summon the ghost of an awkward teenage boy or a dark energy of sorts that would feed on my fear and I just wasn’t in the mood for either of those experiences.
So anyway, yeah, it was a fruitful week of knowledge, fun, too much freedom, a few daunting tasks and a weird couple of hours where I almost did it with a ghost.
I admit that when my replacement phone finally was delivered, I did a little dance with the UPS man, because yes, I missed having a smartphone. I missed it a lot.
Your homework is to imagine what you would do without your phone for a week, and then maybe use your phone to comment below. It’s useful like that, and it loves you as much as you love it. Don’t you ever lose that thing.