Tag Archives: advice

The best ways to learn who your new friends are at your new job

27 Nov

Here are the best ways to learn who your new friends are at your new job based on personal experience:

  1. Send an IM to the folks around you on Cyber Monday asking “A/S/L?” and see who laughs. Those are your new friends.

  2. Scope out the break room for the people with good snacks. Those are your new friends.

  3. Indulge in a bit of repartee–anyone who joins in is your new friend.

  4. Tell people about the time you were in your pajamas on the Katie Couric Show. If any guy 18+ years older than you approaches you later and says he couldn’t find it on the internet, he is not your new friend. Keep thy distance.

  5. Casually mention how much you love Bryan Adams. This won’t help you in the friends department, trust me, but it will be fun. If any guy approaches you later and says he, too, loves Bryan Adams, be wary (but secretly delighted).

  6. If someone talks to you about the wienermobile for at least 2 days in a row, that person is automatically your new friend. You have no choice.

  7. When you talk about sleeplessness and someone chimes in with the same issue, not only do you have a new friend, but also a new late-night walkie-talkie pal (not recommended if it’s one of those 18+ years older guys who you wish would just go away already).

  8. Bring up your interest in a pizza party where you get a bazillion pizzas from all over town and vote on the best one. People who are interested or invite themselves to your hypothetical party are all your new friends. And fancy that–now you’re ready to have a party. You lucky duck.

And that just about covers it. Those are the best (and quite possibly the only) ways to learn who your new friends are at your new job based on personal experience.

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