Tag Archives: Fergie

I still don’t look like Fergie.

19 Apr

Today I got my 500th “like.” Thank you, people of the internets–much love. Here is one reason I began blogging in the first place:

Over the past 8 months, 4 different people, all strangers, have told me I look like Fergie. I don’t look like Fergie. I don’t think she’s looking so hot these days (though her body stays vicious, indeed–fair enough, Fergie Ferg).

In 1989, I remember dancing my tiny 5-year-old ass off while watching her perform The Locomotion on Kids Incorporated and thinking I wanted to be her (she’s the one in the middle):

 

Side note, look how cute little Jennifer Love Hewitt is on the right. Who knew she would grow those boobs or get vajazzled? Not I.

These days, if someone comments, “You look like Fergie,” is it a compliment? ┬áNo. Why? Because I think Fergie and Carrot Top look like plastic face twins. So…

 

If Fergie

=

Carrot Top

 

then Fergie and/or Carrot Top

=

Me

And seriously, fuck Carrot Top. He reminds me of a nightmare I once had about the circus. Just thinking about him raises my blood pressure. I guess none of this really matters because I don’t look like Fergie and Carrot Top, so there’s no problem here and there was no reason to rant about this in the first place. Right? Right. Whatever those 4 people saw shall remain unknown and will haunt me for the rest of my days. Unless, of course, one of you sees the resemblance. If so, please come forth. Choose your words wisely.

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