Tag Archives: Halloween

The Horror! The Horror!

30 Oct

This morning on Facebook, as part of her contribution to Halloween, a girl posted her “favorite poem by Edgar Allan Poe.” Before continuing, please reread that with a valley girl accent. Do it. So, like, imagine it reading like, “Oh my god, like, this is my favorite poem by Edgar Allan Poe!” followed by lots of giggles and shit.

Got it? Did you imagine the giggles? Good.

When I read that she was reading something besides “50 Shades of Grey,” I became intrigued (because that’s all she talks about). So I took a sip of coffee, sat back in my chair and read:

 

“Come little children
I’ll take thee away, into a land
of Enchantment

Come little children
the time’s come to play
here in my garden
of Shadows

Follow sweet children
I’ll show thee the way
through all the pain and
the Sorrows

Weep not poor children 
for life is this way
murdering beauty and
Passions

Hush now dear children
it must be this way
to weary of life and
Deceptions

Rest now my children
for soon we’ll away
into the calm and
the Quiet

Come little children
I’ll take thee away, into a land
of Enchantment

Come little children
the time’s come to play
here in my garden of Shadows”

 

Um, if this girl was trying to horrify me, she succeeded.  My jaw is actually aching from all that sitting on the ground it did after reading that.

However, because she’s 34 and her costume this Halloween is “sexy pizza,” I’ll assume she had no clue that the poem is definitely not by Edgar Allan Poe.

I mean, I’m not a Poe scholar or anything, but his writing is far more sophisticated and darker than that.  If the above poem ended with a monomaniac pulling the teeth of all the children and had something about them being buried alive, I might think differently. If you aren’t familiar with his work, please visit this page and read “Berenice” to understand what I mean.

So, what is the poem she posted, then? I recognized it immediately. It’s the song Sarah Jessica Parker sang as Sarah, the bimbo witch in the 1993 film Hocus Pocus. I’m not proud that I knew that, but hey, it’s a personal favorite (mostly because when I was 9 I had a major crush on pretty much every boy ever, and Omri Katz, who played Max Dennison in the movie, was one of the those lucky fellas).

Also, if anyone is wondering if perhaps Disney borrowed Poe’s poem for the movie, my answer to you comes from the Disney Song Encyclopedia:

 

sarahstheme

 

I don’t know how this mistake happened, but I don’t want to think too hard about it because my head will probably explode.

I hope this horrifying tale serves as a reminder to everyone that there are dark corners of the internet with false information, and if you’re going to dress up as sexy pizza for Halloween, it’s important to have your facts straight if you want anyone to take you seriously as the sexy piece of pizza you were born to be. Now get out there and show ’em what you’ve got.

 

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Also, if you need me, I’ll be in the corner of the bar dressed as sexy zombie Snow White (the one with the brains, of course).

 

 

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Happy Halloween (and stuff)

31 Oct

It may have rained in two of my bedrooms, but I made it through the storm. On Monday night I was so bored that I ate an entire bag of Halloween candy, drank a bottle of wine and then, by candlelight and Nicki French’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” learned to sing and hula hoop with two hoops at the same time. That will be useful for my future, I’m sure.

Anyway, Happy Halloween! While you all are out with your children, I’ll be stuffing my face giving out candy by myself and wishing I had a screaming kid on a sugar high.

 

 

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