Douche at the bar.

6 May

Tonight I met a coach of a local college team. We talked for an hour or so. He was cute and I was having fun until things got douchey.

Coach: You want to fuck later?

Me: Excuse me?

Coach: I said I want to fuck you, you seem like a great girl. Maybe I was mistaken.

Me: What are you, 16?

Coach: I saw you flirting with that British guy over there, I’m not stupid. Should we wait until tomorrow? We can bang on the holy day. As a bonus, I’ll do you with bad teeth and an English accent while drinking a cup of tea if that’s what you like.

Me (confused, wide-eyed, angry): Wow.

Coach: What, you gonna cry? You too uptight? You probably just need to get laid. Come home with me.

Me: For real? Fuck off!

Coach: Don’t get crazy with me. I know how women can be.

I was close to shutting down. I thought for a moment about all the terrible men I have met and how I don’t believe in people anymore, but then I remembered who I am and how I never give up. When I got home, the picture above was posted on Facebook. It reminded me that I am proud to be smart, honest, sensitive, open, loving, a bit quirky, and kind of funny. I will always love and be grateful. Fuck the rest, people.

Don’t fake things. Be yourself. Love others and be unafraid. Accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.

51 Responses to “Douche at the bar.”

  1. chrisdevoss May 6, 2012 at 12:59 am #



    • La La May 6, 2012 at 1:08 am #

      Thank you 🙂


      • chrisdevoss May 6, 2012 at 9:08 am #

        I have been out of the dating scene forever, but I don’t think I would want a chick that would bang me after 10 minutes of conversation…because well then she would do anyone. I guess I enjoy the hunt as well as the capture. 😉


        • La La September 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

          Hmm okay, I will have to keep that in mind.


  2. Maggie O'C May 6, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    Are you shitting me? I’m sorry, that’s just ridiculous and maddening. Stick with being yourself LaLa, they aren’t all like that. Did you throw you drink his face, douchebag! If I were there I’d do it for you 🙂


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 1:07 am #

      Thanks. I would have done it myself, but I was all out. Future me to the rescue!


  3. kelsgonebush May 6, 2012 at 3:52 am #

    Some men truly are clueless when it comes to women , well done for not kicking him in the balls , I’m not sure I would of had the self restraint ! Xx


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 7:45 am #

      You know, usually I would respond that way. I was just so astounded by his drunken confidence that I thought it was a joke!


  4. I'm taking a nap May 6, 2012 at 4:42 am #

    I had a guy talk to me like that once and my response? I laughed. I mean I LAUGHED till tears were rolling down my cheeks. He was dumbfounded and just gave up waiting till I stopped. He walked away, I know, thinking I was insane.


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 7:40 am #

      That’s a great response, I wish I had done that instead!


  5. Kyle May 6, 2012 at 7:44 am #

    hey, this isn’t fair to us brits… we don’t drink that much tea really.

    seriously though, well done you – stay just as you are


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 7:47 am #

      I mean, why would you drink tea while doing it, anyway?


      • Kyle May 6, 2012 at 7:50 am #

        it carries a serious risk of scalding, although i hear the queen does

        i do like a nice cuppa afterwards though


        • La La May 6, 2012 at 7:54 am #

          Haha, I figured that she’s a bit freaky.


          • Kyle May 6, 2012 at 8:00 am #

            you don’t want to know why she keeps all those corgis, you really don’t


  6. crubin May 6, 2012 at 10:26 am #

    These men really exist outside of a clichéd television show or movie?! So sorry you had to meet one.


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 11:39 am #

      Creeping in the suburbs, mostly.


  7. ladymiryaa May 6, 2012 at 11:24 am #

    Pretty sure you should have just kicked him in the taint. Just saying.


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 11:41 am #

      Hah, I’d have to work on my aim!


  8. Anonymous May 6, 2012 at 11:35 am #

    Lauren, you are honest, beautiful, brilliant, irresistable and too good for most men. He knew that. He had a few drinks and bullied you to break your hopeful, sweet spirit. Sorry if I ever did the same.


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 11:43 am #

      Thank you.


  9. Madame Weebles May 6, 2012 at 12:20 pm #

    I knew this would be good as soon as I read the title of your post, La La! Meanwhile I’m sure the coach thought he was really coming off as likeable and amenable—I mean, he *was* offering to do the British accent for you and everything.

    Hang tough—you still have you. 🙂


  10. Princess Laila May 6, 2012 at 12:38 pm #

    So sad that some freaks carry such stereo typical view of others.


  11. Kourtney Heintz May 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

    Thank you La La. For being so brave and strong and amazing in the face of this douche. That guy was so wrong. And even more wrong to blame you for his fucked up behavior. I read a terrific blog post about this kind of behavior by guys–it’s termed gaslighting–

    And it is never acceptable.

    Love that quote I had to add it to Pinterest it was so terrific! 🙂


    • Kyle May 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm #

      well said kourtney


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

      That’s sweet, thank you. That is a perfect article, and you’re right. Gaslighting happens more than people realize. I agree with Kyle, well said!


  12. Lori DiNardi May 6, 2012 at 1:27 pm #

    Oh my Lord, I had no idea there were men like that out there. This type of stuff didn’t happen to me when I used to go to bars (when I was young & single). It makes me wonder if it’s generational? I met my husband in a bar and we’re married for 27 years next month! Yes, it’s an exclamation point because even I’M surprised. Especially after reading about your douche at the bar. Did I find a diamond in the rough? But like I said, it wasn’t like that when I met guys. I mean, I met some jerks, but their true colors didn’t come out so blatant and disrespectful.

    And hey, we wouldn’t have you any other way … our quirky, funny La La girl. 🙂


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm #

      A. Congrats! B. I know things have changed a bit generation wise. It doesn’t help that I am probably too nice and that I attract strange fellas. C. Thank you, I appreciate that 🙂


      • Lori DiNardi May 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

        Oh, and I meant to comment that it was pretty cool you came home to find that poster on fb. I love synchronicity.


        • La La May 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm #

          Right? Me too. Makes me think the universe puts things together for a reason.


  13. springfieldfem May 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    What a fucking jerk! I would thrown a drink in his face. I’ve never done that, but I am dying too. Take me out with you next time. 😉


    • springfieldfem May 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

      *to. Damn it.


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

      You’re in. I tried it once and missed, haha. Embarrassing!


      • springfieldfem May 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

        My super thick nerd glasses are perfect for aiming. 😉


  14. Pigeon Heart May 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    Dont let a couplea’ shitty asshole apples ruin your pie. That quote is LOVELY btw. Super apropo in my world right now. Nice find ma.


  15. Random May 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

    Wow, what a scumbag! Unbelievable.

    I like the comment from the person who just laughed at a similar guy until tears were rolling down her cheeks. It seems the most appropriate response for such a sad excuse of a human being. That or a well-placed knee to the balls. But I can imagine feeling hurt and blindsided at the time, given that until then he seemed cool.

    Gah! Men can be such pigs. But not all men. I hope you can remain centered in the fact that you’re cute, smart, quirky, funny, and all those things you mentioned and leave those pathetic stunted idiots behind you until you meet someone worthwhile (and sane).


    • La La May 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

      I think her response was good too. I will remember for next time. I like getting the male opinion when it comes to things like this. It gives me hope, haha. Thank you!


      • Random May 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

        I could not imagine saying anything like what he said. He’s an embarrassment to men. If I could revoke his membership to our gender, I would.


        • Someone May 6, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

          I think you saying that just revoked it.


  16. Erin May 7, 2012 at 9:23 am #

    Yea, thats awesome! Just when I felt alone in the world you post something that reminds me that I’m in really good company, some of us just aren’t stupid enough to fit in. This is a good thing, I just like being reminded of that once in awhile.


    • La La May 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm #

      This comment meant a lot to me. Thank you.


  17. Simon May 7, 2012 at 10:44 am #

    So you are saying I should have bought you a drink first? Maybe that is where I went wrong. Seriously though, that is unreal. Kudos to you for not letting one asshat ruin things and make you forget who you are. How can a skeeze like that have the nerve to call you crazy. Unreal. Chin up pretty girl, don’t let em bring you down.


    • La La May 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      Haha, thank you, Simon. Good pep talk. It’s up, up as high as it will go for now.


  18. Carolina Courtland May 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm #

    That just reminded me of every online date I ever had. *shudder*

    If it’s any consolation, women are ALL treated like that many times in our lives. Sigh.


    • La La May 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

      Ohhh so sad, right? Hang in there!!


  19. Frivolous Monsters May 7, 2012 at 1:22 pm #

    Wow! Stick with us British, even if we do all drink tea, and wear bowler hats, and live in red phone boxes on village greens… The Simpsons has a lot to answer for, regarding The Big Book of British Teeth, though.


    • La La May 7, 2012 at 1:48 pm #

      I do love you British…funky teeth and all. 😉


  20. The Hook May 8, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    Seriously? This person was a real entity?
    Wow! Thank God you got out of there in one piece…


  21. Mike is Happy May 29, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    That was awesome and optimistic and beautiful and all kinds of inspire’y. Now let’s go murder him.


    • La La May 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

      Thanks. You bring the weapon!



  1. Fratire? That’s a Real Thing? | A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It - May 15, 2012

    […] LaLa was posting about this asshole, I was thinking the guy she met at this bar had probably read this book and adopted this passage […]


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