Name That Porn Star!

24 May

I have learned a lot about men over the past few years simply from sitting with two adult men at lunch everyday. Sometimes I leave the table feeling like a man, sometimes I leave enjoying the banter and other times I leave the table feeling like kicking some nuts.

Usually they pick on me or talk about movies, naked people on HBO or women. Today we discussed porn (ahh yes, my favorite lunchtime topic) and  made porn names for each other. It is common knowledge that to make your porn name, you combine the name of your first pet  (or middle name) and the street you grew up on. That would make my porn name “Tilly Dulaney.” I think that could work. Then we decided to try it with our first name combined with an alcohol or mixed drink. Mine was an obvious pun choice of “Lauren Liqueur.” What’s yours?

The conversation then lead into “who has the higher porn star IQ,” which of course resulted in the creation a game show called “Name That  Porn Star!”

Rules: A third-party (me) will print 14 photos of porn stars and the boys will use a buzzer downloaded on their smart phones to buzz in as quickly as possible with the answer. The prize will be a bottle of Ron de Jeremy rum (ron is spanish for rum….how clever of you, Ron). 

Creepy.

Normally I wouldn’t participate in such an event, but I volunteered for this. Why? Because they didn’t say it has to be all women. I put a few normal women in, sure, but the rest were weird-looking girls, an old porn star and a couple of chicks with pun names. I also added twins, threw a number of nude male porn stars into the mix and added Screech from Saved by the Bell (because yes, I watched his sex tape “Screeched” out of curiosity and it was a genuine train wreck. I can’t ever unwatch that).

Anyway, I thought it would be funny to do it that way instead of just printing pictures of hot women. My porn star IQ is now probably higher than the both of them combined…so maybe I will keep the Ron de Jeremy for myself!

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53 Responses to “Name That Porn Star!”

  1. crubin May 24, 2012 at 3:45 pm #

    Oh, boy. I would be Simon Chestnut. Well, that’s not pretty. That’s not pretty at all.

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

      Hahaha, use your middle name!

      Like

      • crubin May 24, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

        Hmmm, Mae Chestnut isn’t much better. I sound like an Irish man. “So, is that film starring Me Chestnut, then?”

        Like

    • Simon May 24, 2012 at 8:09 pm #

      Hey, wait a minute

      Like

      • crubin May 24, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

        Ha ha! If your last name is Chestnut I know I’m in trouble. But I will tell you, Simon was the cutest Chihuahua/Pekinese dog ever to walk the face of this earth…

        Like

  2. CultFit May 24, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    Best porn name I have ever heard was a girl I worked with named Cherry Star!

    Like

  3. Trip X May 24, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    Since my first pet was a female dog by the name of Duchess, I guess my porn name might be funny for a guy: Duchess Saxton; I think I like the next one better: Tom Sloe

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

      Duchess Saxton is an amazing name.

      Like

      • Trip X May 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

        for a girl….doesn’t work for me though….damn the bad luck, but you can borrow it if you choose, though I like your second one.

        Like

  4. Kyle May 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    haha – mine would be Ruffy Joy Lane – that doesn’t really work, does it?

    Like

  5. diirrty May 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

    That’s actually a pretty nice rum…. I hope you keep it for yourself.
    oh, and my name is Peter Parkland.

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 11:05 pm #

      we should all have our porn names have an orgy hahaha

      Like

  6. Sis May 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

    I get Frisky Timber. Not too bad for a porn name.

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 11:05 pm #

      it’s a great porn name, well done!

      Like

  7. Dee Dee May 24, 2012 at 4:24 pm #

    This is one of the many reasons why I love you.

    Like

  8. Madame Weebles May 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

    Mine would be Lynn Leverich. Eh. I think I’ll stick with Tits McGee.

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

      I like Lynn Leverich. Sounds very novelish. She could star in something with Tilly Dulaney….and Tits McGee.

      Like

  9. Lori DiNardi May 24, 2012 at 4:53 pm #

    No one in porn would want to be associated with my first pet’s name ….. wait for it …… Dinky.

    Like

  10. becca3416 May 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    Screech has a sex tape??? Where the hell have I been.

    Like

    • becca3416 May 24, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

      After all, I never have been one who is able to look away from a train wreck…

      Like

      • La La May 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

        The jaws song in the bath part is just funny and embarrassing ….the dirty sanchez part will make you hate me.

        Like

        • becca3416 May 25, 2012 at 9:22 am #

          I hope you are kidding, but something tells me you are not. Damn my curiosity!

          Like

  11. Frivolous Monsters May 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    Dillon Southgate. And I like how you specified “adult men”.

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 5:35 pm #

      Oooo Dillon Southgate is sexy.

      Like

  12. Sword-chinned bitch May 24, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    Gee, our cat was named after Ichabod Crane in the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but we called him Icky, so, my porn name would be…Icky Dyckman — which could very well be translated to Icky Dickman, or Ichabod Dickman! But wait a minute — I’m a chick! Great post!

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 11:07 pm #

      Oh my god that’s fabulous. Thank you 😉

      Like

  13. Simon May 24, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    Somehow I don’t think Captain Azalea is going to be getting a callback for any staring roles.

    Like

  14. chrisdevoss May 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

    Kansas Baytree. Not good. Since every type of porn has already been done, I’m inventing one that involves naked napping women. It may not be very exciting, but it will be easy to film.

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

      Haha remind me not to do that again!

      Like

  15. Kourtney Heintz May 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

    I would be Mory Boundline. So not sexy. 🙂

    Like

  16. Kristin May 24, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

    Jamie Stetson. Sounds like a cowgirl name…Jamie was a ginea pig that lived from when I was in first grade until I graduated high school :)…if we use real pets like cats or dogs, it would be Fuzzy Stetson…which is kind of gross sounding

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

      Fuzzy Stetson is dirty and reminds me of funny things from 7 years ago.

      Like

  17. Maggie O'C May 24, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    What about Schwartz from A Christmas Story, he was a porn guy!

    Love,
    Jiggs Brentwood

    Like

    • La La May 24, 2012 at 11:16 pm #

      Jiggs Brentwood is another great one. Perhaps this method was based on a study.

      Like

  18. Elliot May 25, 2012 at 12:25 am #

    I remember this game going round at work when I lived in the UK, except the surname was your mothers maiden name (I’ve no idea why). Using your version I would be Percy Oak. You can guess what pet might have had that name.

    Like

    • La La May 25, 2012 at 9:59 am #

      Percy Oak!….with that method mine would be Matilda (Tilly) Zirelli. That just sounds like an old lady…

      Like

      • Elliot May 25, 2012 at 10:42 am #

        She sounds like an old time star fallen on hard times. She probably does porn films which have a title ripped off a recent hit hollywood film.

        Like

    • Anne June 4, 2012 at 11:39 am #

      eww

      Like

  19. jennigreenmiller May 25, 2012 at 1:14 am #

    Michelle Seventh. Sounds like a secret agent.

    Like

  20. Carolina Courtland May 25, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

    You deserve an award for enduring Screech’s sex tape. *barf gag puke*

    My porno name would be Sindy Essex.

    Perfect.

    Like

    • La La May 26, 2012 at 11:17 am #

      Sindy Essex. I think you win…..a night with Screech! hahaha

      Like

      • SEX THIS YEAR May 28, 2012 at 11:08 am #

        Hi Lauren,

        I hope you’re doing well. Ok, here is the deal, I’m starting a new magazine, both website and its digital version to be launch January 1, 2013, but the website will go live soon.

        The magazine will focus on providing sexual tips and advice to its members or community, and right now, I’m looking for some partners.

        1. The partnership deal will not required you to invest any money, but some of your time.

        2. You will own share of the company should you agree to join me.

        I don’t know why I keep wanting to get closer to you, but I know it’s for good.

        So please let me know if you’re interested.

        Thanks, and have a great day.

        Jeremie Mouithsone

        Like

  21. kelsgonebush May 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    Introducing Tazzie Duke .. I named my first cat after Tasmania , Australia s smallest state …. I was a weird kid . ….Alcohol porn name would be Kellie Kahlua (Its the best I can come up with !)

    Like

    • La La May 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

      Both are great. Tazzie Duke sounds so pornish, but Kellie Kahlua is my favorite because of the nice ring it has and I really enjoy me some Kahlua!

      Like

  22. The Hook May 31, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    Hilarious!

    Like

  23. bowzerscastle June 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    Midnight Kalorama/Nicole Kalorama and Jessika Milkshake (that’s a mixed drink, right?)

    Like

    • La La June 1, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

      You’re cheeky. I miss you.

      Like

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