Falcon’s Concealed Weapon

17 Jul

I will have a funny story for you on Thursday about a penis. Until then, I bring news about a man who was frisked at the airport when a security guard “felt threatened” by a noticeable package in Jonah’s pants. It turns out that it was just Jonah’s 9-inch penis, which is 13.5 inches when erect, and on record as the world’s largest ween.


Of all the penes in the world, mine is the largest. Shh, don’t be frightened.


I imagine that having a peen longer than a wine bottle (and almost as thick) is a curse, no? Men, is that something you would actually want? I imagine it would get in the way and be a pain in the ass–pun absolutely intended.

You couldn’t pay me to do it with that guy. Well, maybe you could, it depends how much. Just kidding. Kind of. Why am I even thinking about this? It’s 10:15 in the morning and I need to get back to work. This is all I am going to think about today. Thanks, Jonah.

39 Responses to “Falcon’s Concealed Weapon”

  1. Christopher De Voss at 10:44 am #

    Second time today, I have heard about this man’s penis. I can’t get away from it.

    I don’t know if I would want something that big myself, but I think the bigger pain would be everyone wanting to prove your girth.

    Although I bet I could win a lot of bar tabs with it.


    • La La at 11:29 am #

      I bet you could win a lot of bar tabs. I would have to go out with you and be “that person” who yells, “This guy over here says his dick is the largest in the world!!” so someone would say, “Prove it!” and then you could cover my drinks for the evening, too.


  2. gingerfightback at 10:45 am #

    Nobody likes a bighead…


  3. clownonfire at 10:47 am #

    La La,
    With piercing blue eyes like his, who needs a 9-inch penis.
    Le Clown


    • La La at 10:56 am #

      Le Clown,

      I concur.

      La La


  4. Bob at 11:00 am #

    Only one word for this story. YIKES!


    • La La at 11:14 am #

      Haha, I completely agree, Bob!


  5. Madame Weebles at 11:53 am #

    My first thought when I saw this guy’s picture was “Gee, it’s too bad he’s not that good looking.” (He doesn’t do it for me.) Then I read the part about what he’s packing, and I thought, “WOOOFF!” But then I thought, “OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW.” The end.


    • La La at 1:36 pm #

      OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW is right, my friend.


  6. Carolina Courtland at 11:56 am #

    He’d be a perfect fit for Octomom.


    • La La at 12:03 pm #

      Well played, my sassy friend. They should meet sometime.


  7. Kyle at 12:29 pm #

    i once met a woman who refused to have sex with me unless i had a twelve inch penis – i told her that she was beautiful and that i’d love to sleep with her but that i wasn’t going to cut any off for her


    • La La at 12:58 pm #

      Hey-oooo. Here I thought the man who always talked about having a tiny one actually had a tiny one.


      • Kyle at 1:00 pm #

        its so crude to brag about having a big one


        • La La at 1:02 pm #

          Might as well surprise ’em!


          • Kyle at 1:14 pm #

            its not about the size la la, its about the appreciation of what pleasure you can give


        • La La at 1:24 pm #

          I think I’m the one who told you that 😉


  8. Simon at 1:07 pm #

    I wonder what he will be for Halloween this year? Yeah probably a roll of wrapping paper again.


    • La La at 1:14 pm #

      hahaha, he must be fed up having to do the saaaame old costume every year.


  9. Carrie Rubin at 1:12 pm #

    The smirk on his face says it all. I’m sure he’s really upset that this “asset” of his has gone viral. Men do like their toys.


    • La La at 1:20 pm #

      Gosh, he really must be so torn up about it. I feel for him. 😉


  10. Simon at 1:17 pm #

    if the “you know what they say” thing is true, I bet he has a hard time finding shoes.


    • La La at 1:19 pm #

      Woah…..now I am curious.


  11. Simon at 1:20 pm #

    I bet he is glad Umbros aren’t still in style


    • La La at 1:23 pm #

      Don’t bring up umbros, he’s sensitive about it.


  12. Simon at 1:30 pm #

    just saying if I was that guy, I would get a real Falcon and teach it to perch on my falcon jr. ok, I will stop.


  13. sweetmother at 2:29 pm #

    this is amazing, on so many levels. good god. talk about packing well. tee, he. couldn’t help myself.


  14. Frivolous Monsters at 9:35 am #

    I like how you’re holding the big exclusive penis story over until Thursday. I would go off on one, asking what the hell is it women want, but I imagine now you’re working on some sort of bell curve…

    I‘ll leave you with the punch line to the joke of the woman in the sex shop: “No, you can’t have that one, that’s my thermos flask!”


  15. Kathy V. at 12:29 pm #

    And now I’m going to be thinking about the mechanics of ginormous dongs all day. Thanks, La!


  16. ladymiryaa at 12:45 am #

    This just seals my decision to sleep with women. Seriously.


    • La La at 10:37 am #

      Let’s just do that already.


  17. paulaacton at 2:10 pm #

    Am just wondering if it is fully functioning all the blood required when he gets excited would he faint?


  18. Kourtney Heintz at 9:39 pm #

    What did he think was in there? And where was the body scanner when you needed it?


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