Best Questions Men Have Asked Me (Since I Started This Ridiculous Blog)

23 Jul

I have received some very important, thought-provoking questions from my male readers. I found the following questions to be the most captivating and thought it would be a disservice to you all not to share them. Enjoy.

 

1. Q: Do you have standards when choosing a man to sleep with?

A: Really? What an odd question. Wow. Yes. I absolutely have standards.

 

2. Q: If we fly you to the south of France, will you have sex with my wife and I on our anniversary? It would be in 2013.

A: Love is a beautiful thing, no? So sorry though, I’m pretty busy that year.

 

3. Q: Did you really find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

A: Yes, and they sent me a certificate. I was 10 years old. Are you still turned on?

 

4. Q: Do you want to have a threesome with my wife and I? I’m not going to fly you to Florida, but I can take you to Disney World.

A: OH BOY, DISNEY WORLD! I need to find my autograph book!

 

5. Q: Would you be freaked out if I came to Baltimore to look for you without telling you I was coming?

A: Yes… and just so you know, I have mace and I bite.

 

6. Q: I read your interview on Crazy Chicks Club. Regarding the question, “what would you do if you were a man for a day,” do you really think all men don’t make their beds, fart a lot, walk around without shirts and impregnate every girl they know?

A: That’s just what I would do if I were a man for a day. “I have a penis,” I’d say, “I’ll do as I please” and then I’d saunter around and flex my muscles. Oh, and I’d call everyone “brah” and wear my sunglasses like I own the joint. It would be great.

 

7. Q: Do you have any Greek in you?

A: No.

Q: Do you want some?

A: No.

 

8. Q: Will you send me a picture of your ass? I’m an ass man.

A: The set up for that seems kind of ridiculous, don’t you think? I don’t have a timer on my camera and I refuse to google “How to take a picture of my own ass.” It all seems a bit time-consuming. Just saying.

Reply: It only takes a couple of minutes. See? Here’s mine: (he sent a picture of his ass).

 

9. Q: Did you really show your boobs to get ice cream at an ice cream truck?

A: Listen, guy. It was hot outside, I really wanted a Nutty Buddy and I didn’t have cash. There’s nothing further to discuss here.

 

I have yet to receive a #10 worthy of the spot. I will let you know when that guy steps up to the plate and we can all bask in the glory of him together.

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59 Responses to “Best Questions Men Have Asked Me (Since I Started This Ridiculous Blog)”

  1. Maggie O'C July 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    I know I’m a dumbass but were these other bloggers asking you these questions? guys you know? where did these come from?

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

      Both!

      Like

  2. Madame Weebles July 23, 2012 at 12:38 pm #

    I have never had anyone ask me any of those types of questions. I feel horrifically cheated.

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm #

      Will you send me a picture of your ass? 😉

      Like

      • Madame Weebles July 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

        NOW I feel better. I knew I could count on you. 😉

        Like

  3. Carrie Rubin July 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

    Wow. If these are the top 9, I can’t wait to see number 10! These are questions a middle-aged woman no longer gets asked. And for that, I’m grateful. 🙂

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

      I look forward to that day, Carrie. Until then, I am happy to share the love!

      Like

  4. Frivolous Monsters July 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    Now, I don’t know what a tootsie roll or a Nutty Buddy is, but you’re still my favourite blogger La La! And all those make my comments to you sound so normal. I’m relieved… I think I’m relieved.

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm #

      Aw thanks, that’s so sweet. Basically, I like candy/ ice cream… and you could always be #10!

      Like

      • Frivolous Monsters July 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

        Being your number ten… Something to aspire to.
        I would like to know what some of those wives reactions were, the ones whose husbands tell them that they’ve got them a surprise for their anniversary: “I’m flying this girl in from Baltimore… Might be a bit awkward… Happy anniversary!”

        Like

        • La La July 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

          His wife knew, they just enjoy that kind of thing I guess. Not my cuppa.

          Like

  5. calahan July 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm #

    Thanks for answering every single one of my questions, La La. That was sweet.

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm #

      You’re welcome! I figured I would do so in public so no other men would get any ideas.

      Like

  6. Bob July 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    OMFG! On behalf of horrified men around the world key me send a heartfelt apology. My brain damaged brethren surely missing a chromosome or twelve. Sadly this is what happens when family members mate.

    Also, Ha ha ha! Comic gold!

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

      Thanks, Bob!

      Like

  7. rheath40 July 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    Oh my God you and I would be great friends. I would totally flash the ice cream truck for free ice cream! Hell I probably already did that, but can’t remember it. I flashed my husband’s best friend once. My husband laughed, the best friend blushed. It was great!

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm #

      We would get so much free ice cream!

      Like

      • rheath40 July 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

        Oh honey you are so much younger than I am, you will get so much more. But we sure would have fun!

        Like

  8. Simon July 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    Yeah, I feel really left out. One time someone sent me an email to tell me about a typo though, but there weren’t any requests or questionable pictures attached to it. Oh well.

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm #

      Aw Simon, sorry I sent that email about the typo….

      Like

  9. Christopher De Voss July 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

    The Disney World one sounds interesting….wait? what? oh….I mean men are pigs. I’m embarrassed for us all! (Did I sound sincere? What do you mean just because I put in parenthesis everyone can still read it?)

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

      (It’s kind of like an aside in a play, you know? People can still read it. It’s cool though because you sounded totally sincere–no one will second guess you).

      Like

  10. clownonfire July 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm #

    La La,
    I met my wife on Plenty of Fish, of Bottom Feeders. We were both very lucky to have found one another in that sea of misery… I don’t have crazy stories to share, but The Ringmistress sure has a few of her own… Seems my “kind” can be rather “extrovert” when it comes to their questions (I’m being polite).
    Le Clown

    Like

    • Christopher De Voss July 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      (Pssst. The parenthesis thing doesn’t work. I already tried it.)

      Like

      • clownonfire July 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

        (Christopher,
        Thanks for the head’s on. Do you think anyone can hear us?
        Le Clown)

        Like

        • Christopher De Voss July 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

          (I’m told they still can. Be careful my brother.)

          So um, yea…good post as always. I’m a fan.

          Like

          • clownonfire July 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

            Christopher,
            Very kind of you. And I thought I was already following you. Which makes me a liar. But I just redeemed myself.
            Le Clown

            Like

        • La La July 23, 2012 at 2:10 pm #

          You are very lucky to have found each other, especially since you are in Canada! (Hi gentlemen. Le Clown, thanks for the comment, sorry about that Canada thing, it just came out.)

          Like

        • calahan July 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

          Hey, what are you guys whispering about over here?

          Like

          • clownonfire July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

            Le Calahan,
            Your hair.
            Le Clown

            Like

  11. Elliot July 23, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    Perhaps you need to ask yourself what you are writing that attracts all these different guys, and why these questions are the best ones.

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

      I get these questions because I am a girl daring to utter something of sexual subject matter, which is like putting out a flashing neon sign to some of nature’s creeps.

      If I were a man, we would all just have a laugh about my experiences and move on, and that’s why I think these comments are funny and worth highlighting.

      Like

      • Simon July 23, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

        They are funny and I am glad you have shared them here so we have a good set of clues in case you go missing and end up in someone’s dungeon. Le Clown said it best that some of our “kind” can be a bit over the top.

        Like

        • La La July 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm #

          Thanks. I have received boring emails too, if you want to read those.

          Like

        • Christopher De Voss July 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm #

          I agree. Don’t lose your great humor and story telling just because some creeps feel safe hiding behind some internet anonymity thinking that their actions are warranted just because they can cyber hide. Most likely these same ghosts would never even attempt to talk to you or even make eye contact with you in real life.

          I think the internet gives some people a false sense of power or boldness that is not deserved. Some people will live out an online persona that is not truly themselves, thinking that is how everyone is…when it’s not.

          Just want to say that this blog is for entertainment purposes only. It’s to make you laugh. It’s to put a smile on your face. That’s it. Treat it like a book, read it, live the fantasy while your reading it, then close the cover and do something else with your day.

          I have seen a lot of the women bloggers closing shop because readers are overstepping some boundaries, so if you truly enjoy this column then support it by reading it, clicking like, and telling your friends…and that’s about where it ends.

          I guess I will return my ice cream truck now. I hope I get my deposit back.

          Like

          • La La July 23, 2012 at 8:09 pm #

            I enjoy telling stories and your writing is one of my reasons/inspirations to keep doing so myself, but some days that delete button looks brighter and shinier than it did the last time I glanced.

            That comment means a lot to me. Thanks, buddy (Pauly Shore just got his wings)!

            Like

      • Elliot July 23, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

        It sure draws some of them in. But yeah, why not laugh about it and move on?

        Like

  12. Titillating Thoughts July 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    I think you just inspired the next generation of Ice Cream Men.

    Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

      ….he said just before looking up how to get an ice cream truck of his very own 😉 haha

      Like

      • Titillating Thoughts July 23, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

        Looking up on how to get one? Ha! I already put an order in for one. I’m just finalizing my daily route.

        Like

  13. Kyle July 23, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

    i tried flashing my boobs for an ice cream once, it didn’t work

    Like

    • unfetteredbs July 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      silly Kyle Tricks are for Chicks ….

      Like

    • La La July 23, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

      Oh it’s okay Kyle, maybe next time!

      Like

  14. Kourtney Heintz July 24, 2012 at 8:58 am #

    La la–great responses to some er interesting questions. 🙂 Love the refusal to take an ass shot on the grounds of googling it being time consuming. 😉

    Like

    • La La July 24, 2012 at 9:31 am #

      Haha thanks!

      Like

  15. gingerfightback July 24, 2012 at 9:23 am #

    Jesus – all i get are bullied gingers looking for advice – and the odd nutter talking about how food is evil!

    Like

  16. LimaBeans July 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

    So I was just thinking about how you posted these questions and I read a comment saying, “why not move on?”. I’ve been getting in touch with my female empowerment side lately and I like that you posted the questions and didn’t move on and I loved the response you gave to that. Women should be able to express themselves freely without anyone assuming that talking about sex or relationships is an invitation for solicitation. Once women are able to post pictures online, as many men do, and write or speak freely and openly about their lives and experiences as adult women without their thoughts or photos being seen as an invitation to overstep boundaries or have judgement placed upon them, that will be the time not to post these questions. Sure, they can be ignored, but that silence makes it seem that the judgments or invitations are okay. I’ve expressed these opinions before and I get a lot of, “get over it, it’s not serious.” Well I recently decided that I’m not part of the mad men generation and I don’t want to keep my mouth shut just to be the “the cool girl that can take a joke.” Wanting to be myself without attracting creepos does not make me a humorless bitch. Love that you are able to showcase this kind of absurdity in hilarious way. Rant over.

    Like

  17. Kathy V. July 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read today. I don’t even have anything to say. I am shocked and amused and appalled. The human race is DOOMED.

    Like

    • La La July 24, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

      Haha thanks….we are all doomed. I am pleased to go undercover and report about it.

      Like

  18. Carolina Courtland July 24, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    No one’s asked me to join a menage. I feel so totally cheated!!

    Like

  19. junelikethemonth July 25, 2012 at 10:34 am #

    tits for ice cream? woman, you’re a genius! damn, where’s the ice cream truck when i need it? lol

    Like

    • La La July 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

      the girl has a plan 😉

      Like

  20. becca3416 July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm #

    I died at “I am busy that year”. Oh, and I try to take pictures of my ass all the time. If someone has a secret camera in my bathroom they have seen me in a lot of awkward positions. I also have taken a few falls doing this. The joys of long distance relationships!

    Like

  21. kenthinksaloud July 30, 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    numbers 7, 8 and 9 all amused me for completely different reasons! Loved this post 🙂

    Like

  22. davidhardingblogs November 29, 2012 at 3:06 am #

    These are so similar to the questions I get it isn’t funny.

    Like

    • La La November 29, 2012 at 7:24 am #

      Uncanny!

      Like

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