Archive | December, 2011

like, I’m not even joking right now

13 Dec

 

Besides the computer stuff (computers and I get along swimmingly), I say all these things and every girl I know does too. I read a blog earlier and the title was “S&%! Girls Say” Video: I Want To Be Offended, but It’s Hilarious.” Why would you be offended? We all actually say those things, and I will continue to say those things until we all start saying other things.

The author of that post said she thought that having the star as a guy in drag was unnecessary and that it rubbed her the wrong way. What? Of course he needed to be in drag. Clearly, the author has never seen anything funny that has ever existed.

I can’t wait for more.

Tags: , ,

Friday drabble: A Gift

9 Dec

This is a Friday drabble–a challenge to tell a story in just 100 words. Make your own 100 word stories on Fridays and tag it with “friday drabble”

Thanks for coming with me, Abby!

_________________________________________


I owe this photo to my 5-year-old self. She was a miserable kid who was afraid to sit on Santa’s lap. She feared he would say she was too disappointing to get what she wanted. She felt unworthy.

It doesn’t matter why I felt that way, or why it continued. I forgive those who taught me to be afraid—whether you were taking advantage of a situation or thought you had my best interests in mind.

Now, I choose to know the truth: I love myself and I’m worthy and deserving of love and respect, just like everyone else. Here’s to happiness.

Tags: , ,

Drunk Girl Thoughts – Part 2

7 Dec

Sometimes I get drunk and write down my thoughts and conversations. Here are a few.

1. A conversation:

Me: I am going to start a kissing booth. I am going to charge $5 for a kiss on the cheek, $15 for lips ($14 for the gals, $20 if you’re over 48), $28 for a french kiss (no one over 48) and $120 if you’re trying to go on a date (over 48 is acceptable in this instance).

Matty: Wouldn’t that make you a prostitute?

Me: What!!

Matty: Can I be your pimp?

Me: Fine.

2. I want to get a Schnauzer puppy and name him Doogie Schnauzer, M.D.

3. My friend asked me what to do when her new boyfriend is in the room while she’s trying to put on tights. I told her to own it and just put on the tights. If you get all flustered, fall over, and do that jumpy dance thing and he comes back, he’s yours. If he bolts, then it was never meant to be.

4. The same (number 3) applies to farts.

5. I have no idea what that movie, “Winter’s Bone” is about, but I have every intention of rewriting it as a porno.

6. Speaking of porn, I want to write and direct a masterpiece called “Pornakopita.” It will be set in ancient Greece and be much like The Odyssey. Maybe I could follow the oral tradition and just tell the story to a room of people. I know you will be disappointed, but no, it will not be in dactylic hexameter. I just don’t have that kind of time.

Tags: , ,