My birthday is coming up soon and since it is very possible that my dad reads my blog, I would like to share my birthday list so he and my mom can start shopping. Don’t worry, daddy, I promise not to get too Veruca Salt on your ass this year.
1. Money for a tank of gas.
2. Shoes.
Tell mom I’m an 8 1/2
3. A clever teapot.
I just want to tell you so much…I love this teapot
4. This Pasotti Ombrelli. It’s like a fucking scepter with a pretty umbrella on the end. I don’t own an umbrella, and I’m in need of a scepter, so this will be perfect.
Only $215.00
5. Underpants. I needs ’em (seriously, I haven’t worn underwear in like a month).
It’s true
6. GIMMIE THIS PIG.
I shall name her Gertrude
7. A funny boyfriend who enjoys copious amounts of sexual activities and doesn’t mind killing the spiders in my basement. He should also like wine, cheese and hugging me.
A silhouette attempt
8. I ask every year, so I’m not sure why you still haven’t gotten me a fucking beautiful unicorn.
Look, two fucking beautiful unicorns. I want the less feisty one.
9. Lastly, Blackwood Distillers makes a triple distilled vodka that is ice-filtered through Nordic birch charcoal and then is passed through a sand of crushed diamonds and other gems. Price? $1,060,000. It’s so beautiful that I probably won’t even cry or text an ex-boyfriend when I drink it (just kidding, I probably will).
This is necessary for your daughter’s happiness, daddy. Love you!
It’s about fucking time you came back. Happy Almost Birthday! If it’s any consolation, I know my parents read my blog on occasion. I’d be a LOT naughtier if certain people I knew didn’t read it. Meanwhile, I too want that umbrella. I had no idea I needed such an umbrella, but I really do.
However, I should warn you: that silhouette? I know that guy. He sucks in bed.
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Thank you! It’s lovely to see you. That does make me feel better (hey, dad–make that two umbrellas, one for me and one for my friend, thanks!)
Bad in bed….damn. Maybe I could teach him? That old myth…
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I like you going Veruca Salt on your Dad’s ass… From memory I think she could rhyme whilst churning out her wish list. That and a dance number which involved abusing giant hens. That might help for you to pluck at his heart strings a whole lot better.
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I want a party with room fulls of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
and if I don’t get the things I am after
I’m going to scream!
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Seem like very reasonable birthday gifts to me. Can’t imagine why your father wouldn’t come through for you. And how practical some of them are. Like the unicorns. But are you sure you don’t want a baby dinosaur, too? They are cute.
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I’d be down for a stegosaurus! That’d going on the list. Thanks, Carrie!
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We are very similar in our love for farting and scepters butt you are way funnier than I am. xo
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That is because we are both majestic fart princesses.
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I love that umbrella. I want one, and my birthday’s coming up too. I think we established before, both Libras? Yea, I’d say you and the less feisty unicorn would work much better together. š
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I’m October 1, when is yours?
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The 17th. You first. But, the number I’m turning is bugging me … a lot. So, I’m going to go enjoy my trip beforehand. Have a great Bday, Miss La La. May you receive many blessings.
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Welcome back! That triple vodka sounds sinful; the guy I break-up with to get drunk better be worth it!
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Oh, he is. Thanks, missed you!
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If you get both of the fucking unicorns, can I have the more feisty one? Yay!!! I hope you get everything you wish for on your very happiest of happy birthdays!
Big Birthday (almost) Bisous,
Dawn
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Of course! and thank you! (DAD! Make that both unicorns, my friend Dawn wants one).
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The umbrella is to die for but the underwear, now those are my favorite! What girl would wear them? Oh yeah, you. And I guess I would too. Giggle.
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The unicorn comment was priceless. Loved it.
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Thank you for stopping by š
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Go Libras! My birthday is coming up too and I love your list. Majestic fart princesses should taken straight to Disney.
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Great idea!!! When is your birthday?
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Next week on the 26th. I’ll probably send this list to hubs bc he never gets me unicorns either.
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Happy Birthday early, and if you send me your info I’ll be glad to send you a half empty bottle of your choice of vodka under 1,000,000 dollars but above 5. It wont be passed through a sand of crushed diamonds, but I will rinse my cubic zirconia ear rings in it for you. Close enough? Oh, and It will be half empty because half will be for me. Just make sure we both drink it at the same time and get on twitter drunk again.
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Can we please drunk twitter again? I want to hang out with you.
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Ummm YES please.
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Not that it’s really hanging out…but…well, I’ll take it.
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The Amazon box on your doorstep is me.
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I mean from me…whoops.
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Darn……
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Exactly
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Gertrude is adorable – and pink! Although she might chew up your shoe, tear the top of your umbrella, drink your vodka, and root when you fart. Stick with the unicorns.
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Perfectly reasonable requests I think – except for the underwear. You should go without for the benefit of less-developed pervs everywhere. Happy Birthday – whenever it is. Enjoy the vodka š
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I will help you get a man. Put the following on your blog:
1) I like to watch porn
2) I can cook
3) I don’t talk much, this to include talking about my problems, shoe related, purse related, gossiping, nagging
You will have your pick from millions of men. You’re welcome.
Happy Birthday!
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Proper teapot that….
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Oh my GOD the present selection is AWESOME! The umbrella and vodka for me, please!!!
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I will tell my dad. We’ll start breaking his bank soon.
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